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[Wandera]

Guys, everyone wants to know everyone.

If you are just passing by the forums, say hello, ask some questions.

COME TO ELEMENTAL BATTLEGROUNDS > Arena PVP Server
..And kick our asses :)

[Felonious Monk]

W00t! VV4ND3R4 is teh N3VV H4WTN355!

[JYAP]

(BLAM)
(DONG)
And so the world is short 1 less monk. Yay shotguns!

[Felonious Monk]

*Snatches projectiles via Infinite Deflection and sends them all back to JYAP*

Yay! No more FFT references!

(j/k :razz: )

[JYAP]

(had Blade Grasp for reaction ability)
(catches them all)
(takes out sniper rifle,spots monk for a nuclear launch,cloaks,and runs)

[Felonious Monk]

*Science Vessel detects Ghost and depletes energy with EMP Cannon*
*Monk easily reaches Ghost with monk speed, kicks in nuts really hard*

[Almuric]

You guys have really got some issues.

[JYAP]

(other ghost nukes monk)
(Science Vessel is shot down by a modified Siege Tank)
Siege Tank:I dropped the hammer and dispensed some INDISCRIMINATE JUSTICE!

We're loonies. Or at least,monk and I are.

[Felonious Monk]

I think the aforementioned nuke makes the siege tank a little unecessary, seeing as how everyone dies in a firey ball of neutrons. Except for me, of course, due to Improved Evasion. :wink:

I'm not crazy; I'm eccentric... but without the money, fame, power, or age that are normally associated with it. Of course, I could just be deluded, meaning I'm even crazier than I seem. I think that when JYAP and I are in proximity (all things considered) some sort of dark synergy makes us totally nucking futs. Nothing a little self-medication can't fix. :whisky:

In the spirit of all things heteroclite, I present to you... an anthropomorphic can of SPAM: :spam:

[JYAP]

I'm naturally loony. Must be my equally loony RL friends. And evade this!(shoves a goliath's missile down your throat and runs away)

[JYAP]

I think I won. WOO! (jumps up and down)
(is hit by a extendable boxing glove and falls off a cliff into the water but is caught by a giant whale who spits me out onto the edge of a volcano and is hit by a small meteor to make me roll down the side of the volcano and-aw,screw it)

[Felonious Monk]

Ha! I eat Goliath missles for breakfast and Yamato Cannon blasts for brunch! Besides, I'd say the nuclear blast took pretty good care of you long before whales came into the equation.

:beer:

[JYAP]

Don't make me use the secret weapon!

[Felonious Monk]

I know what your secret weapon is, and I most certainly do not fear being smothered by hordes of gorgeous, nekkid lingerie models. Do your worst! :naughty:

[JYAP]

(pushes plunger)
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:spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam::spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam::spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam: :spam:

SPAM'D!

[Felonious Monk]

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Those lingerie models are decidedly not gorgeous, although it would seem that they are, in fact, nekkid. Bonus points for the (unintentional) Monty Python setup.

[JYAP]

Time for the real secret weapon...(a giant anvil of No-Evasion-For-You! falls on monk,KOing him)
(when monk wakes up,he is tied to a chair forced to watch 1000 hours of BARNEY MUSIC VIDEOS!)
(there is a gun with 2 bullets in it in monk's hand,but next to the bulletproof television is a goth,who will most likely die)
(the real question is,does monk shoot himself after the goth or the goth twice?)
(oh,and for some freakish reason,you get a evasion save VS the bullet)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Felonious Monk]

Fool! I am immune to mind spells, so your bloated purple saurian's wretched incantations have no effect!

Instead, I force the goth to release me, then hunt you down and shoot you once in each kneecap. Thusly incapacitated, I force you to choke down copious amounts of the pancreas-damagingly sweet "Chocolate covered Suger Fried Icing Smacktee-Loops". The phenomenally high levels of sugar elevate your blood glucose to dangerous heights, sending you into a diabetic coma. Feel the carbs...

[JYAP]

(clone asplodes)
Yay clones!
(blows away goth with nearby bazooka)
(teleports monk inside Soul Calibur 2,where he is now battling me)
(Monk's character:Lizardman)
(My character:Mitsurugi with the Damascus Blade)
(monk has a snowball's chance in hell of living,especially since he starts with 50% health)
As they say in Warcraft,ggnore.

[Felonious Monk]

*cut away to Monk sitting on his couch playing SC 2*
*easily wastes his opponent, then sits and ponders the metaphysics of the situation*

[JYAP]

(cue to me turning off the Gamecube)
Does he know I always win in stuff like this?

[Felonious Monk]

Quitting already? You never stood a chance anyway. :razz:

[JYAP]

Quitting? Pfft. (pulls lever)Release the rabid DnD player! Entirely with no offense to DnD.
(rabid DnD player comes out of cage with anti-monk gear)
Dun dun dun!

[Felonious Monk]

Heh.

*counters with rabid FF player*

Let the battle of the Titans begin!

[JYAP]

(rabid FF player throws fake materia at rabid DnD player,which is countered by D20s)
(rabid DnD player slashes with his rapier and is countered by rabid FF player's giant Cloud-esque sword)
(I shrug,take a Glacier Gun,and fire 5 bullets-1 at the FF goon,1 at the DnD goon,and 3 at monk)
(Evasion=Denied VS Elemental bullets)
ggnore

[Felonious Monk]

*Snatches projectiles via Infinite Deflection and sends them all back to JYAP*

We've been through all this before.

TBC on my return.

[JYAP]

(monk's car blows up while monk is in it)
Yay car bombs! I win!
(goes to mess up monk's house horribly if he lives)
(lets loose several pigs with mud on them)
(alignment changes 50 towards evil)

[JYAP]

THESE FORUMS ARE TOO DEAD!
(takes out Black Mageesque dagger)
RUN FORUM RUN!
(chases it into the distance)

[Felonious Monk]

Nice try, but that wasn't my car. I do appreciate you taking care of that annoying little punk next door, though. Kids today and their damn rap music.

Looks like his parents will be having pork chops and ham for quite a while. Better yet, they could just toss them all in a wood chipper with some jello and have one huge vat of :spam:

[JYAP]

Hmmm...how to kill monk...
(notices 2 random people beside me)
(IDEA)
(uses Hawkeye subweapon for guarantee hit)
(hits monk for over 75% of his health)
(Final Strike initiates,monk breaks down and explodes)
(2 random people die,giving me 99,999 exp!)

Now I'm addicted to Megaman X:Command Mission! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

[Felonious Monk]

*jumps out from bushes about 100 yards from his decoy and starts spamming Guided Arrow with his Buriza-Do Kyanon, averaging ~580 damage per hit with multiple hits due to automatic pierce (no 1.10 for me!)*
*JYAP is frozen and unable to move*
*with hundreds of bolts repeatedly tearing through his frozen flesh, he eventually shatters into a pile of icy chunks*
*fires Immolation Arrow into JYAP's chunks, thawing and charring the remains*
*throws Plague Javelin into the middle, corrupting the remaining bits o' meat with 100% natural, organic biological agents*

I win again.

[JYAP]

(Decoy force metal shatters and revives me at 25% health)
Nope.
(enters Hyper Mode)
(did I mention the Hyper Mode's name was OMG HE'S INSANE!!!?)
(gets 99 consecutive turns)
(borrows a Red Lotus Saber)
(gives self 300+ power,armor,and shield)
(uses Hawkeye before attacking)
(deals 9999 damage a blow,and I get 3 blows per attack)
(monk gets in 1 action before this,and it's used to kiss his butt goodbye)

[Felonious Monk]

*jumps out from bushes about 100 yards from his decoy and starts spamming Guided Arrow (always hits) with his Buriza-Do Kyanon, averaging ~580 damage per hit with multiple hits due to automatic pierce (no 1.10 for me!)*
*JYAP is frozen and unable to move*
*with hundreds of bolts repeatedly tearing through his frozen flesh, he eventually shatters into a pile of icy chunks*
*fires Immolation Arrow into JYAP's chunks, thawing and charring the remains*
*throws Plague Javelin into the middle, corrupting the remaining bits o' meat with 100% natural, organic biological agents*

I win again.

This is the only action I need.

[JYAP]

Hmm...
(IDEA)
(revives somehow)
(turns battlefield into a FFT battlefield)
(unfortunately,monk is alone against a samurai,a lancer,a summoner,a white mage,and me,as a ninja)
(The victory conditions:Defeat all enemies!)
(monk's punch art skills fails to save him against a jump attack,a Holy,a Odin,a two-handed slash,and a two-swording me,who is wielding Excalibur as one of the swords)
ggnore

[Felonious Monk]

(revives somehow)

Pfft... running out of ideas?


Sidesteps jump attack, resists Holy and Odin, disarms samurai, and kicks ninja in the nuts. Honestly, I think NWN would be a lot better if they had put in Called Shot: Ballsack.

*lines up opponents and... Earth Slash*

No evade for you!

[JYAP]

Did I mention that:
A:Everyone has Blade Grasp and 97 Brave. You aren't hitting.
B:Dodging/resisting Summons is impossible.
C:You're surrounded by 2 columns,samurai,and ninja,and you can't jump over a guy or on top of the columns.
D:Punch Art doesn't cover Steal skills.

I win. Again.

[Felonious Monk]

A: Says you. I have 70 AB and 138 AC. I get a +10 circumstance bonus to hit vs. scrotums and a +10 racial AC bonus vs. FF characters.
B: Not if you have Improved Evasion and 70 SR.
C: I have Spider Climb.
D: Earth Slash isn't Steal.


Oh, and Counter isn't blocked by Blade Grasp, nor is Hamedo.

*invisible mage friend casts Greater Timestop, then Unseen Wanderer and Shadow Shield on monk*
*mage then proceeds to cast Leech Field, Magma Burst, Animus Blizzard, and Tolodine's Killing Wind*

[JYAP]

Wait,what am I doing?
(calls Bodom,who has 40 CHA)
(Bodom promptly Fingers Monk)
I win.
(now needs to dispose of the monster he called)

[Felonious Monk]

*invisible mage friend casts Greater Timestop, then Unseen Wanderer and Shadow Shield on monk*


Ahem.


Or did you mean something a little more "R" rated?

[Almuric]

(Bodom promptly Fingers Monk)
I win.


Sounds like Bodom's finger needs to be wiped off (ewwwwwwww)

[JYAP]

Aw screw it.
(smites monk)
(no save for you)
There.
(needs a Death Ward badly now)

[Felonious Monk]

Frustration is so unbecoming of you. Not that I blame you, of course.

Monk: 8
JYAP: 0
Bodom: (still wiping finger off)

[JYAP]

(messes up counter)
JYAP:777
Monk:-13
Bodom:TILT
(gets real evil idea)
(drops monk in a inescapable room filled with...GOTHS!)
(a minigun with infinite ammo is nearby,but the goths respawn 0.0000001 seconds after death)
(How many will die before Monk shoots himself?)

[Almuric]

Can I answer that? :razz:

[Felonious Monk]

As many as I care to before I teleport behind JYAP (Abundant Step) and pump his corpse with neverending streams of hot leaden fury. I might just bring along a few goths with me to add insult to injury. God I love PnP monks.

[JYAP]

(teleport jams and teleports him into the middle of the goths)
I SAID inescapable. Y'know,like,you're stuck here? Oh,and to add to the torture...
(all goths suddenly sprout fangs)
(Monk is turned immortal)
He who laughs last laughs best. I'm laughing at the end. :P

[Felonious Monk]

Immortal, eh? Sweet. In that case, I simply spend the rest of JYAP's natural life gunning down goths and climb out once he expires and the barriers are lifted. I go to his burial site and dance on his remains, laughing all the while. I win again.

[JYAP]

(Meanwhile,in the control room...)
I wonder how long till he realizes I'm not stupid enough to go in there and that's a CLONE.
Oh well. Better help out...
(drops TVs with a random game system plugged in on several areas)
(the TVs+systems are rigged to explode upon being turned on)
Bwahahahahaha...

[Felonious Monk]

Stupid enough to go in where? Your coffin? I don't imagine you were struggling when they were putting your wrinkled old corpse in there. And the TVs? I'm immortal, remember? Geez, you think you would remember seeing as how it was your idea.

[JYAP]

Let me clarify:You=In room,Me=Out of room and watching,and Goths=Your DOOOOOOOOOOOM!

[Felonious Monk]

So what the hell does this mean?


I wonder how long till he realizes I'm not stupid enough to go in there and that's a CLONE.

What clone? Why would I think you would be in there? Why don't you realize that ages have past and you are now a pile of dust lying in a crudely made box in a gravesite no one cares about?

I think someone needs to set down the LSD and take a break for a few hours to come back down. To make things easier I'm placing you in an inescapable intradimensional limbo populated with hordes of rapidly respawning preppies. Enjoy.

[JYAP]

Okay...
(all the preppies suddenly turn into a random video game or system or arcade game)
... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
(lives the rest of his life playing games)
(lives happily ever after)
(Monk got transported into The Grid,where his saving throws are no match for the arsenal of lethal weapons and a sucky player)

[Felonious Monk]

*video game systems explode, sending chunks of JYAP everywhere*
*Monk spends the rest of eternity playing with weapons and gunning down "sucky players"*

[JYAP]

Death would be too easy a escape. Therefore,the systems fail at exploding.
Oh,and Monk,wanna know the little balance thing they put in there?
(Monk gets shot and killed instantly by a noob's Mega Shotgun)
That.

[Felonious Monk]

*still immortal*

[JYAP]

Not in The Grid.
(Monk gets hit by a cannonball,flies into a wall)

[Felonious Monk]

Yay, dodgeball!

*throws cannonball back*

[JYAP]

(Monk is hit by a flash cannon mid-throw)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Felonious Monk]

Yay! Laser dodgeball!

*deflects ray*

[JYAP]

Like you'd have a chance to. And that noob with the Mega Shotgun's still aro-(BLAM)(DONG)...nevermind.

[Felonious Monk]

Infinite deflection. w00t.

[JYAP]

Not a chance.
(weaponless guy runs up and flips monk from behind)
(DONG)

[Felonious Monk]

*tumbles, then kicks weaponless guy in the face*

[JYAP]

(while distracted,some player being Karasu does a flying kick into Monk,hitting him right into ANOTHER kick,killing him)

[Felonious Monk]

It takes a lot more than a couple of kicks to take me out. Besides, I've got DR and they're fighting unarmed.

[JYAP]

Random Karasu Player:LIEK WTF D00D H3 DDNT DYE!!!!1111-(is blown to smithereens along with everyone else by the almighty BOMB)

DA BOMB:
Saving Throw:Yeah right.
Evasion:Get real.
Spell Resistance:You can resist a bomb?
Instantly kills every player on screen and gives the points to the one who threw it(not Monk).

[Felonious Monk]

*had left a week ago*

[JYAP]

(for some odd reason,Monk warps into 8-bit Theater)
(...without any of his enhanced equipment or immunies)
(plus,the Light Warriors approach him)
(and,the only portal in existance implodes)
See ya!
And my sorc>your archer.

[Felonious Monk]

*teleports out*

And my shifter>your everything.

[JYAP]

(8-bit Theater is inescapable,screwing up the teleport)

[JYAP]

The insanity must go on!

Meanwhile...

Fighter:I LIKE SWORDS!

Monk with no mind save immunity and -20 will save:NOOOOOOOO!(BOOM!)

Somewhere over the rainbow...

All shifters:(implode)

[JYAP]

I now declare this the random insanity thread.

I win.

[Almuric]

Me thinks you're competing with yourself there.

[JYAP]

Well obviously Monk gave up. I win by default.

Monk:I'm righ-

Fighter:SWORD-CHUCKS YO!

Monk:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(BOOM)

[Felonious Monk]

*smacks JYAP upside the head*

It's almost like no one even reads the other (http://www.elementalbattlegrounds.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=2349&highlight=#2349) posts (http://www.elementalbattlegrounds.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=354) around here anymore.

[JYAP]

Sniffle...I wish more people came to our server.

And you can't smack me,you exploded fool!

[Felonious Monk]

I desploded. And I was referring to you.

[JYAP]

How can someone desplode when they've already exploded?

[Felonious Monk]

Well, duh. I simply used my ghost powers to reverse enigineer the flux capacitor on my magnetron to direct an anti-tachyon particle field emission towards my fractured hippocampus, which we all know is the part of the body that causes people to explode. This resulted in the release of methylenedioxymethamphetamine from the uvula, which caused my body to instantly reassemble and also gave my hair more volume and bounce. The residual radiation cut the grass and put the baby down for a nap before I found it using my credit cards to buy porn and wholesale Tupperware (R) online, which resulted in me taking away its television privileges for a week. I think it just muttered something about my mother.

[JYAP]

The what?
(level drains Monk to level 1)
(calls Bodom)
(chains up Monk and removes his immunities)
BWahahahahahaha...

[Felonious Monk]

*residual radiation relevels me, sets me free, kicks Bodom in the junk, and makes a rude gesture towards JYAP*

It gets its TV back and all the Tupperware(R) it wants (no porn tho, that stuff makes you kick puppies).

[JYAP]

Something tells me I need to release...it...
(opens cage door,straps jetpack on,flies away)
(...something walks out of the cage...it's...a HYPER-CUTE KIRBY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)
(BOOM)

[Felonious Monk]

*pokes Kirby with stylus*
*Kirby flattens JYAP like a Snorlax having a seizure on a Raichu*

That's right, I went there.

[JYAP]

O_o...get off me you huge cute pink puffball!
(kicks him off onto monk,pokes kirby with stylus)
There.

[Felonious Monk]

*gets a nice Japanese massage from Kirby, then draws a little rainbow line leading him into a marshmallow factory*

Bye, Kirby!

Kirby: Po-AAAARRRGGGGGGHHH!

*pokes JYAP with stylus*
*pokes JYAP again*
*really enjoys sticking stylus in JYAP's eye*
*pokes self in eye with stylus to see what it feels like*

OW! Damn, is that what I've been doing to people all this time? I need to get a new hobby.

*keeps poking JYAP with stylus*

[JYAP]

Monk...you're poking a undead clone of me with no eyeballs.
(draws own stylus)
Cut!
(slices Monk in two)
I win.

[Felonious Monk]

That explains the ichor leaking everywhere...

*residual radition splices Monk back together*
*bludgeons the real JYAP with stylus, completely ignoring (as JYAP did) that styluses (styli?) are obviously piercing weapons*

En garde!

[JYAP]

Oh no you don't!
(fences with monk with styluses)
(while monk is distracted,another Kirby swallows monk,destroying the residual radiation)

[Felonious Monk]

*Kirby gets marshmallow cancer from radiation, dies*
*Monk creates more residual radiation, gives JYAP ass cancer*

Now we wait.

[JYAP]

JYAP casting Greater Restoration
JYAP casts Greater Restoration
JYAP:Healed 50 hit points
JYAP casting Maximized Hellball
JYAP casts Maximized Hellball

YES I CAN DO THAT FOOL!

[Felonious Monk]

*evades Hellball*
*watches JYAP incinerate in a brilliant flash of elemental fury*

Wheeeeeee!

[JYAP]

You fool,this is Party PvP!
(psionically disables monk,forces him to listen to the dwarf in the HotU campaign that ate his way out of a dragon...over and over and over...)

[Felonious Monk]

Hellooooo, immune to mind effects, remember? Besides, I have an uncanny ability to ignore people who bore me. I consider daydreaming about spontaneously combusting wildlife a better use of my time.

*royally smacks JYAP up with a Maximized, Empowered, Heightened, Quickened Greater Ruin*

[JYAP]

I was wearing my Ring of Spell Immunity at the time.
(switches monk's soul with Generic Episode III Jedi No. 39's)
(watches Order 66 occur over...and over...and over...)

[Felonious Monk]

I'm wearing my Ring of Soul Switching Immunity, so nyah.

*sunders JYAPs equipment, uses Vulcan death touch*

Damn, where is that spot? I know it's around here somewhere. Stupid geeks should have been more specific.

*Star Trek nerd pops up*

Ahem. There is no such thing as a "Vulcan death touch". The move in question actually utilizes a knockout point.

*hits nerd with Quivering Palm*
*nerd, naturally, fails save and dies*

I don't need no stinkin' geek telling me about death points, or knockout points for that matter.

*hits JYAP with Stunning Fist*
*JYAP, naturally, fails save and lies helpless*
*repeatedly pokes JYAP in eye with stylus*

[JYAP]

I'm immune to stunning fist silly.
(suddenly turns into a mamkute)
(transforms into a blue dragon,roars,and zaps monk)
(it was a critical)
(also has A support with Almuric and B support with Seith)

[Felonious Monk]

*evades dragon attack*

Poor wittle JYAP needs hewp fwom his fwiends to huwt da mean owd Monk? Awww, it's ok wittle guy.

*pokes JYAP in the eye with his +infinity vorpal stylus of dragonslaying*
*critical hit*
*JYAP loses an eye*

*waves stylus menacingly at those foolish enough to stand against me*

[JYAP]

(has 1337 draconic regeneration)
(regenerates eye)
(unleashes monk's worst nightmare upon him)

[Felonious Monk]

*knows no fear*
*kicks JYAP in dragon sack*

[JYAP]

(monk bounces around holding his injured foot)
(opens up a bottomless pit underneath him)

[Felonious Monk]

*sidesteps chasm*
*dons Adamantine Boots of Dragon Sack-Kicking +infinity*
*lands Improved Power Attack square on JYAPs dragon danglies*
*cleans boots*

[JYAP]

(clone explodes,kills monk)
(sends rest of monk's corpse to the local yeti)

[Seith]

*Watches with amusment from a lawn chair while eating a large buttered popcorn and sipping on sweet tea*

[Felonious Monk]

*steps out of shadows to pick up pieces of sploded clone*
*throws chunks at real JYAP*

[JYAP]

(steals Fox's reflector,reflects pieces back)
(Falco crashes a Arwing into monk,fires hyper lases)
(Seith got shot too)

[Felonious Monk]

*deflects corpse bits, Arwing, and hyper lasers towards JYAP*

I think he just called you out Seith.

[JYAP]

(reflector malfuntions,deflects stuff on Seith,breaks)
A Reflector broke!

[Seith]

*still sitting in lawn chair, now slighly angry because he was shot, but still to lazy to do more than drink sweet tea and eat from is super large buttered popcorn*

[JYAP]

(draws dual miniguns,laughs maniacally,makes everything impersonate Swiss cheese)
(Seith and his lawn chair get most of the bullets)

[Felonious Monk]

*deflects bullets in random directions, but catches a couple and drops them in his Bag of Holding*

[JYAP]

GET DOWN!
(hides beneath Seith's bullet-riddled corpse)
(draws shotgun,shoots Bag of Holding)

[Felonious Monk]

*catches shot, stores in Bag*

[JYAP]

(casts Time Stop)
(wraps Bag of Holding around Monk in 5 seconds)
(time resumes,Monk vanishes)

[Felonious Monk]

*steps out of Bag's pocket dimension*

That actually doesn't work very well. You have to do it like this:

*casts Timestop*
*throws JYAP in extra Bag of Holding*
*tosses Bag into Portable Hole*
*runs as fast as his little monk-y legs can take him*
*JYAP is lost forever as everything in the vicinity of the Bag of Holding is sucked into a rift torn in the fabric of space*

Yay! I win again!

[JYAP]

(pops out behind monk with a scythe that kills monks on hit,DC 100)
(has 100 AB)
(Monk has 10 fort save)
(hits)

[Felonious Monk]

*rolls 20, saves*

I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks, so it's just you and Seith till I get back. Have fun, ladies.

*disarms JYAP and puts scythe in Bag of Holding*
*teleports to Disneyland*

[JYAP]

(Disneyland is attacked by Kirby,the Dire Wolf with 100 strength and con and dex)
(nothing walks away on 2 legs)
(meanwhile,I sue monk for going on vacation so many frickin times)

[JYAP]

Talk about off-topic.

[Almuric]

You mean this thread stayed on topic?

[Felonious Monk]

(Disneyland is attacked by Kirby,the Dire Wolf with 100 strength and con and dex)
(nothing walks away on 2 legs)
(meanwhile,I sue monk for going on vacation so many frickin times)

A little behind schedule but:

Ha! Fooled you. I never went to Disneyland, and I happen to have a formidable team of rabid lawyers that ensure my vacations go off without a hitch. Don't make my sue for emotional damages due to flagrant abuse of Kirby references.

BTW, I'm going to be gone this weekend to help my mom move into her new place and to take baby girl trick-or-treating. She's going as Tinkerbell, just in case you were wondering.

[JYAP]

You always have something else to do. Try taking some Undead levels like I do.

Rabid lawyers eh?

LAWNINJA ATTACK!

No more lawyers.