Star Fox 6400 (To make JYAP a happy...scythe...user...guy.)

[Protoss119]

I like Star Fox and so does JYAP. So far, I think SF 64 is one of the best - Star Fox Adventures was a corny copy of Legend of Zelda, and Star Fox Assault, from what I hear from JYAP, has a panzy Star Wolf team with two members missing. Sooooooo...I just decided to spoof SF 64. Enjoy!

Level 1

Corneria City

Enter Star Fox 6400

~skips the intro movie~

Slippy:~down~ I'll be monkey food if I don't get out of here! ~flies out of here~

Falco:THANK GOD.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Falco:That doesn't f***ing help us, windbag.

Fox:Hey! Watch the language! For your information, this game has a rating of "E" for Everyone. We don't want that f***ing rating changed!

Falco:...

Fox:What?

Falco:This is horrible.

Fox:I know.

Falco:What? Did I say something?

Fox:Yeah, you said-

Peppy:Use the boost to get through!

They're all blasting enemies while saying this, just so you know.

Fox:Well, who's going to replace Slippy?

A newb (not a noob, newbs and noobs are different) flies in.

Newb:Hi!

Falco: Oh hell.

Fox:Hi and welcome to the Star Fox team.

Falco:Whatever you do, don't listen to Peppy. You don't want to know what happened last time I did...

FLASHBACK...

Falco and Peppy are under attack by a drunk Cookie Monster in Corneria City. (From Sesame Street)

Cookie Monster:Falco, I love you!!!!! ~hic~

Falco: Oh crap! I'm gonna die!

Peppy:Try a U-Turn!

Falco does a U-Turn, only to crash into a building.

...KCABHSALF

Newb:Aaaah...

Fox sees a bunch of warp portal thingies like the one seen in the Asteroid Field.

Fox:Whee! Warpy thingies!

Fox gets all the warpy thingies and they all prepare to warp.

Falco:Fox, NO!

But it was too late. The newb crashed into a building upon warping.

Meanwhile, inside the warp place...

Falco: D*** it, you f***ing idiot!

Fox:Hey! Watch your language, d*** it!

Falco:YOU watch your language!

Fox:You.

Falco:You.

Fox:You.

Falco:You.

Fox:You.

Falco:You.

Fox:You.

Falco:You.

Fox:You.

Falco:You.

Fox:You.

Falco:You.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

They get out of the warp and find themselves at Fortuna.

Fox: Oooooh....

Falco: Simpleton.

Peppy:Use the brakes!

Suddenly, the Star Wolf team comes out of nowhere.

Wolf:Can't let you do that, Star Fox!

Fox:Not that I planned on using the brakes anyway.

Wolf: Oh.

Pigma: Peppy! Long time, no see!

Peppy:Try hovering!

Pigma:And I still see you give out useless info as usual.

Andrew: Durr...Andross's enemy is my enemy! ...Right?

Wolf:YES, YOU DUMB-DUMB!

Andrew:Uh...

Wolf:And where in the bloody world is your quote, Leon?

Leon: 4nn0y1ng b1rd 1 4m t3h 1337 L30n 1 w111 pwn j00

Falco:WTF?

Andrew is going after Peppy.

Andrew: I'm going to shoot your eye out and tear your arms off and bake them and when they're done I'm gonna slap you with them till your head falls off...

Pigma:Err...try something less vulgar, like blowing him up.

Andrew:Uh...how do you do that?

Pigma: Observe.

Pigma shoots Peppy's ship twice.

Peppy:They're on me! I'm getting careless!

Fox:Why should I bother?

Falco: Because your Fox.

Fox:Tou'che.

Fox blows up Pigma and Andrew.

Pigma:My beautiful reward! Aaaah! ~asplodes~

Andrew:Uh...what am I supposed to say again? ~asplodes~

Meanwhile, Leon is on Falco's tail sending spam messages to him.

Leon:U b t3h suxx0rs l0l

Falco: I can't shake him!

Fox blows Leon up, too.

Falco:~checks his email and sees 500 spam messages~ OMFG!

To add to all the chaos, a lone fighter in service of Bill flies into the fray and Wolf blows it up.

Fighter Pilot: Oh sh** man!

Except he doesn't talk.

Fighter Pilot:

(Because he's one of Bill's)

All of a sudden, Fox shoots Star Wolf down.

Wolf:The perfect end to a perfect guy. -_- ~asplodes~

MISSION OWNED

Fox:All ships report!

Rob64: Slippy's ship is in the docking bay. ~Slippy's ship asplodes~ Nevermind.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Falco:Thank god it's finally over.

They fly away from Fortuna.

Fin.

[JYAP]

Oh yeah?

Corneria...

Fox:All ships report in!

Falco:You say that every single time you idiot! Say something else!

Fox:Hey,why don't you be the leader?

Falco:Maybe I will!(flies off)

Meanwhile,in Fortuna...

Wolf:Can't let you do that Star Fox-(hears screams over intercom)WTH?

Pigma:My beautiful reward! AGHAGHAGHAGH!

Andrew:UNCLE ANDROSS!!!

Leon:Annoying-(is nova bombed)What the heck?

Wolf:My line.(guns down Leon)

???:Eat this!(opens fire on Wolf,destroying the wings and grounding him)

Wolf:I CAN'T LOSE!!!

Fox:Who are you?

???:We're Star Falco!

Fox:Very original Falco-

Mario:Shut-a up already!

Kirby:Poyo poyo!

Bass:I'm too cool for this.(flies away)

Falco:BASS YOU IDIOTIC GANGSTER!(guns him down too)

Fox:Phew. We never did replace Falco.

Dogfight starts. Kirby trails Slippy and shoots him.

Slippy:Fox! Get this guy off me!

Falco:QUICK KILL HIM

Kirby:(boosts up to Slippy,jumps into the cockpit,and swallows Slippy,becoming Toad Kirby)

Peppy:Slippy!!!(shoots Kirby)

Kirby:Poyo!!!(Translation:Falco! Get this guy off me!)

Mario:Take-a this!(somehow fires fireballs in lieu of lasers)

Peppy:H4X! I mean,they're on me! I'm getting careless!

Fox:WTF is going on?(crashes into Mario)

Mario:(insert his typical cry of pain whenever he loses in Mario Party)

Peppy:Your father helped me like that too!

Fox:That's why he's dead?

Peppy:Well...erm...42!

Fox:Peppy...

Peppy:(is shot up by Kirby)

Kirby:Poyo! Poyo! Poyo! Poyo! Poyo!(Translation:No mercy! No mercy! No mercy! No mercy! No mercy!)

Falco:(shoots Kirby)

Kirby:Poyo!(It's me,Falco!)

Falco:Why else am I shooting?

Fox:TK! TK!

???:O RLY?

(O RLY owl flies out of nowhere and pecks off Falco's wing)

Falco:(Nova Bombs O RLY owl)Bastard...(fires another nova bomb into Peppy)

Peppy:BLARGH!

Fox:That's not your death quote-(is slammed by Kirby's burning ship)

Kirby:POYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!(Translation:AHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!)

Fox:(now has a sliver of HP and both wings gone)

Falco:Nothing can go wrong now! I shall have my revenge!

JYAP:O RLY?

Falco:What the heck?

(a blue dragon flies out of nowhere and grabs Falco,then flings him to Hard mode Venom)

JYAP:Level over. JYAP wins.

Fox:All ships report in!

ROB:Peppy's ship is in the docking bay. Slippy's ship is in the scrapping bay. Falco's ship is in the hall of infamy bay.

Fox:We have those bays?

ROB:DOES NOT COMPUTE. (asplodes)

Great Fox:(crashes into Fortuna,causing a planetwide explosion)

Fox:...right...

[Protoss119]

Three more sequels for ya, big guy. A late birthday present.

Star Fox 6400 2

When we last saw James McCloud, he was about to be exploded.

A laser fired by a very weak ship in service of Andross was about to blow up James McCloud and Falco and Peppy are under attack.

James: Oh sh** yo!

Except he doesn't say that.

James:

(Because I said so)

Falco: Look! Up in the sky!

James: It's a bird.

Falco: No, it's a plane!

James: No, it's-

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

James: Uh, no.

Peppy: Use the boost to get through!

James: Shut up, Peppy.

Peppy: Use the brakes-

James: SHUT UP, PEPPY!!!

Suddenly, Fox McCloud flies from out of the blue and fires at Andross's fighters.

Pilot: OMFG! CHEAP! ~asplodes~

James: It's Fox-

Fox crashes into James McCloud for no reason at all.

Fox: Er...whoops!

James: Fox, you IDIOT! ~asplodes~

James McCloud ejects via an escape pod which then hits Fox's fighter and causes it to asplode.

Falco: Does this mean I'm the leader now?

Peppy: Use bombs wisely.

Falco: I should have known better than to ask you. But anywho, I'm going to need some new recruits, now that Fox and Slippy are...well...gone.

Sometime later...

Falco has a team consisting of himself, Peppy, Mario, and Kirby.

Falco: All ships report!

Peppy: I saw my life flash before my eyes!

Mario: It's a meeee! Mario!

Kirby: Hiiiiiiii!

Falco: How'd we win Level 1 again?

All the ships fly off toward Fortuna.

A while later...

All four of them are at Fortuna, where they are confronted by Star Wolf and a sign that says "Welcome to Fortuna - all hopes and dreams stop here".

Wolf: Can't let you do that, Star Fox!

Falco: He's not here.

Wolf: He isn't? Well, where is he?

Falco: He asploded.

Wolf: Oh. I lost a few members meself.

Link: ~a bunch of text appears above his ship which is supposed to be his quote - due to the laws of gravity, the text falls on his ship, pulling it down with them, and then crash him and make his ship asplode~

Luke Skywalker: ~on the ground~ Last mistake he'll ever make- ~crushed by Link's burning Wolfen~

Pigma: Peppy! Long time, no see!

Peppy: Try hovering!

Pigma: OK, Peppy, that is very old, please stop.

THE THING:ڂڱڥۇېپڌڲٹٿڽ

Mario: What-a-the f***?

The battle begins. Mario is on THE THING's tail, who is on Kirby's tail, who is on Pigma's tail, who is on Peppy's tail, who is on Falco's tail, who is on Star Wolf's tail.

Mario: Take-a-this!

Mario fires at THE THING's ship but hits the engines, causing it to slow down and crash into Mario's fighter.

THE THING:ڂڱڥۇېپڌڲٹٿڽ ~asplodes~

Mario: This-a-sucks! ~asplodes~

Kirby: Poyopoyopoyo!

Falco: What? Trouble at the old mill?

Kirby: Poyopoyopoyopoyopoyo!

Falco: Fire somewhere?

Kirby: POYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYO!!!!!

Falco: I'm being TK'ed by Peppy?

Kirby: Poyopoyo!

Falco: OH CRAP- ~is exploded by Peppy~

Peppy: You're mine!

Kirby: POYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYO!!!!!!

Peppy: I won't let you get away from me!

Wolf: I knew the Star Fox team was a bunch of idiots, but sheesh!

3 hours later...

Everything has been exploded. Fox flies into Fortuna.

Fox: WTF guys? I'm absent for 1 level and all of you guys blow yourselves up! Ah well...

MISSION OWNED

Fox: All ships report!

~silence~

Fox: I said all ships report!

~silence~

Fox: D*** it, report already!

~silence~

Fox: ~sigh~

Fox flies off.

Fin.

Star Fox 6400 3 (Will they ever end?)

Fox and his team are at the planet Venom.

Fox: Don't relax. It's not over yet.

Suddenly, a swarm of fighters fly into Fox and his team and they all blow up.

Fox: Nevermind...

MISSION FAILED

Fox: All ships report!

Falco: There are no ships left. How can they report?

Peppy: Use the boost to get through!

Slippy: Hey, at least I was in this one! Jeez, the author sucks.

Slippy suddenly asplodes. The rest fly off to the Great Fox.

Fox: But we can't fly...

Quiet j00.

A few moments later...

The team finds themselves at Sector A.

Fox: There's a Sector A?

YES! There's a Sector A?

Fox: How do you get to it?

Well...~explains~

Fox: Ah, yes, that makes it MUCH clearer.

Falco: I'm headed for Fortuna.

Fox: OK.

Falco flies off to Fortuna.

Fox: Why did I just let Falco go to Fortuna?

Peppy: Try hovering!

Fox: Oh, yeah, that's right.

Moments later...

Star Wolf: Can't let you do that, Star Fox!

Falco: I'm not Fox.

Wolf: You're not?

Falco: Nope.

Wolf: No?

Falco: Yep.

Wolf: Yes?

Falco: Nope.

Wolf: No?

Falco: Yep.

Wolf: Yes?

Falco: Shut up.

Leon: ~busy trying to put together spam messages~

Pigma: Peppy! Long time, no see!

Falco: Do I sound like Peppy to you?!

Pigma: Jeez, you don't have to be like that...

Andrew: Durr...hi.

All 4 of them attack Falco.

Falco: GANGRAPE! GANGRAPE!

Suddenly, from out of the blue...

Kirby: Hiiiiii!

Mario: It's a meee! Mario!

Falco: I'm doomed.

Kirby and Mario crash into Leon and Pigma, who crash into the base which asplodes.

Wolf: Wow, if I knew that would happen, I wouldn't have bothered with the bomb!

Falco: Shut up.

Wolf: Shut up this! Shut up that! Jeez, why don't YOU shut up!

Falco: Make me.

Star Wolf fires at Falco until he's near asplosion.

Falco: You talked me into it.

A few seconds later...

Falco: You've left me with no choice. FIRE TOW CABLE!

A rope with a strange mechanism attaches to Star Wolf's fighter.

Andrew: Durr, LOOK OUT!

Andrew suddenly crashes into a pole. Falco does a somersault and crashes Wolf's fighter into the ground.

Wolf: I...can't...lose!!! ~asplodes~

MISSION OWNED

Falco: Wait till I tell the others!

Fox and Peppy crash into Fortuna.

Falco: Nevermind...

Fin.

Star Fox 6400 4 (When sequels attack)

Star Wolf and his team are at Fortuna playing Solitaire.

Wolf: Darnit, we got beaten 3 times already! Why can't the author make us WIN for once!

Pigma: Yeah, I know...I need my reward! AGAGAGAGAGAGAAAAAH!!!

Wolf: Shut up! Hmm...we need more ships. Faster, stronger, less asplodable.

Pigma: Yeah...hmm...hehehehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! COME ON, GUYS! LAUGH! LAUGH LIKE YOU'VE NEVER LAUGHED BEFORE! LAUGH, I SAY, LAUGH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA- ~is shmacked by Wolf~

Wolf: Shut up!

A few moments later, at Bolse Defense Station...

Wolf: Not so fast, Star Fox!

Star Wolf and his team fly into the fray with their new ships.

Leon: ~puts together spam messages 500 times faster than with his old ship~ u b t3h suxx0rs! L01!

Pigma: Peppy! Long time, no see!

Peppy: Do-

Pigma: Don't even think about it.

Andrew: Durr...hi.

Suddenly, missiles fly around the area and bombard Star Fox's team.

Slippy: I'll be monkey food if I don't get out of here! ~down~

Peppy: Use bombs wisely. ~down~

Falco: Oh man, I'm gonna have to back off! ~down~

They follow up with 6 lasers spewing from each fighter. They all hit Fox as if attracted to him and he blows up.

Fox: Well crap! ~asplodes~

MISSION FAILED

Wolf: All ships report!

Pigma: How'd we fail!?

Wolf: WE didn't fail, idiot, THEY did!

Pigma: Oh. Anywho, you sound like Fox.

Wolf: Fox got exploded. How can I sound like someone that got exploded?

Leon: w3 b t3h r0xx0rs!

Andrew: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr- ~asplodes~

Fin.

Happy Birthday, pal, and have a great Thanksgiving!

[JYAP]

My internet friends rock. :D

Katina Outpost...

Fox:Ok Falco,we lost Peppy and Slippy.

Falco:How again?

FLASHBACK

Corneria...

Slippy:I'm monkey food if I don't leave!

Peppy:Use the brakes!

Slippy:...ok-(rabid monkeys jump onto his arwing and devour his soul)

Peppy:Use bombs wisely!

Falco:Like this?(nova bombs peppy)

END FLASHBCK

Falco:Well it was a wise use of bombs!

Fox:And since we're so pathetic,we had to get the backup teams.

Falco:And what are they?

Mario:All a-ships report in!

Luigi:I'm-a here.

Yoshi:Yoshi!

Toad:TOAD!

Falco:They'll drive me crazy...

Bowser:REPORT IN FOOLS!

Shy Guy:Weeont...

Koopa:(makes koopa noise)

Bob-omb:(makes bob-omb noise)

Falco:Right-

Kirby:Poyo!(All ships report in!)

Meta Knight:...

King Dedede:When do I get to take the Star Rod?

Waddle Dee:How am I here?

Falco:How many-

Link:All ships report in from the miscellaneous team!

Lloyd(Tales of Symphonia):**** them,they're ****ing going ****ing down!

Erk(Fire Emblem):Grumble.

Nindri(My ninja from Shining Soul 2): (I don't talk idiot.)

Falco:Good Lord,we're all gonna die.

Fox:No way. I have total confidence in Bill's team and ours.

Bill:Go go go!

Fighter:H4X!(is shot once and plows into a fighter which plows into another which plows into another until they all die)

Fox:Okay,so that didn't-

Bowser:HOLD STILL YOU LOUSY PLUMBER!

Mario:Whoa-a-a-a-a!(is under fire from Bowser)

Luigi:I'll-a save you!(attacks Bowser)

Falco:Shut your ****ing mouth *****!

Lloyd:Make me you ****ing birdbrain!

Falco:(nova bombs Lloyd)

Erk:This is pointless.(flies off)

Nindri:(uses a Angel Wing after his arwing is shot to minimal HP)

Kirby:(is spamming HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII so much Koopa crashes into him in utter annoyance)

Yoshi:(attempts to eat a laser...you know what happens)

King Dedede:WHERE IS THE PRECIOUS?!?

Link:Gollum alert!

Everyone:(gun down Dedede)

Bob-omb:(blows up and his arwing slams into Meta Knight's)

Toad:TOAD!!!(is shot once and blows up)

ROB64:THE UFO IS APPROACHING

Bill:Yarrr!(is abducted)

Bowser+Mario+Luigi:(are shot down by the UFO with Bill's sucky weaponry)

Fox:I knew this would work!

Falco:Work? Our entire teams have just been wasted!

Waddle Dee:I'm still around!(is shot repeatedly and blows up)

Fox:Well...erm...but...BEHIND YOU!

Falco:Like I'll fall for that again.

FLASHBACK

In the Great Fox...

Fox+Falco:(are playing Soul Calibur 2 and are down to their last shreds of health)

Fox:LOOK OUT IT'S LEON!

Falco:WHERE?!?

Fox:(wins)

END FLASHBACK

Fox:No,it really is Leon!

Leon:(fires smuggled Yamato Cannon at Falco and flies away)

Falco:I hate you.(boom)

Fox:Well,we're doomed.

Shy Guy:(in a act of heroism,with broken wings and a sliver of health,destroys the UFO)

Fox:Well done!(high fives Shy Guy)

Shy Guy:(explodes)

Fox: :shock: Ok...all ships report in?

ROB:TOO MANY SHIPS. DOES NOT COMPUTE. (crashes into Area 6)

Fox:...right...

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 5


And you thought they were done for by Alex Korb



Somewhere in Area 6…

James: Fox, in case we don’t survive this, I have something to tell you…

Fox: What’s that?

James: I…am your father.

Fox: Yeah, I know.

James: You- you do?

Fox: Yeah, I’m your son.

James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, they find two lines of Androsses on the left and right side and a single Andross in between them.

Andross: Mr. McCloud…welcome back. We missed you.

James: It ends tonight, Andross.

Fox: Yes, well, before we get all worked up, can we stop this extremely stupid matrix rip-off?

Referee: ~rings the bell and is gunned down by Andross's forces~

Two bombs from both James’s and Fox’s fighters asplode Andross and all of his clones.

Andross: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111 1111111~asplodes~

Suddenly, Mephistopheles appears out of nowhere.

Mephistopheles: And so she is dead.

Andross: HE! I’M A HE PERSON! ~asplodes~

Mephistopheles: Fool! Is that what you call it? The relic is a piece of my own flesh!

Fox: Ow! Doesn’t that hurt?

Mephistopheles: …DOES NOT COMPUTE ~is sent back to Cania~

Text Block'd/10.

[Protoss119]

Fox: Right…say, remember when we tested that submarine thing?

Flashback…

The Great Fox is over Aquas.

Fox: Deploy the Blue Marine!

A big blob of metal falls out of the Great Fox and into the sea, where it lands on the ocean floor with a big thud. It won’t float like it’s supposed to.

Fox: Um…guys? I’m in trouble.

…kcabhsalF

James: Yeah, I remember that. Remember when that big ship in the asteroid field shot that power plant?

Flashback…

The team is fighting the Asteroid Field boss with his electric cannon thing. Whilst finishing charging, it fires the electric cannon and the bolt of lightning hits a power plant and it becomes the source of power for Corneria.

Mr. Boss: Um…they did it!

…kcabhsalF

Fox: Yeah, I remember. It wasn’t a very funny occasion though. Hey, remember when Slippy was drunk and thought he was surfing on Aquas whilst on Meteo?

Flashback…

Slippy: Woohoo! I’m on fire! ~hic~

Fox: NO, SLIPPY, YOU’RE REALLY ON FIRE!!!!

Falco: Go, Slippy, go!

Fox: WTF, Falco?! That’s Slippy!

Falco: Why else am I doing this? GO SLIPPY!

Fox: FYI, we’re trying to SAVE him!

Falco: ~sigh~

Falco tow-cables Slippy and evacuates him.

…kcabhsalF

James: I remember. Say, remember that time when Nintendo released Star Fox Adventures and it made a huge mess of things?

Flashback...

Sgt. Nintendo is in his office.

Sgt. Nintendo: ~has finished Star Fox Adventures~ Eureka!

The office asplodes and becomes a flaming heck.

...kcabhsalF

Fox: Yeah, that sucked. Remember that time when everything suddenly turned retro?

Flashback...

~cue NES version of Star Fox theme~

Fox: ~a bunch of text appears over his fighter which reads: WTF? How did this happen?~

...kcabhsalF

James: Yeah, I remember. Hey, remember when we were remembering when we were remembering when we were remembering when we were remembering when we were remembering when we were remembering when we were remembering?

Fox: OH CRAP-

Flashback…

Flashback…

Flashback…

Flashback…

Flashback…

Flashback…

Flashback…

…kcabhsalF

…kcabhsalF

…kcabhsalF

…kcabhsalF

…kcabhsalF

…kcabhsalF

…kcabhsalF

Fox: Right…err…All ships report!

Rob64: DOES NOT ASPLODE ~computes~

Great Fox: ~crashes into Area 7~

Fox: There’s an Area 7?

YES! There’s an Area 7!

Fox: How do you-

Fin.

[Protoss119]

More Covenant- I, I mean spoofs!


Star Fox 6400 6
Return of the Sequel

Everyone has just recovered from Star Fox Assaulted and is up for a new round of Star Fox 6400.

Fox: No we're not!

Quiet you. Anyway, the team is at Bolse Defense Station and is under attack by Star Wolf.

Wolf: Play time is over, Star Fox!

Leon: 1 r t3h 1337 t0rtUr1ng j00 4 a wh1le! L0lzors!

Pigma: Daddy screamed REAL loud before he died! ~instagib'd~

Andrew: Durr...wheeeee! This is fun! ~crashes~

Fox: Just what I needed - Star Wolf.

Wolf: That's right, ph00l! It's time we kicked your arse!

Falco: You and what army?! ~attacked by Venomian fleet~ OH BLOODY HELL!!!

Peppy: ~says the magic words...~ Do a barrel roll!

Suddenly, the entire fleet including Slippy asplodes.

Slippy: Wheeeee! ~crashes~

Fox: OK, no more Star Fox Assaulted memories.

Falco: So now who's gonna replace Slippy? It better not be a noob either.

Krystal flies into the fray.

Krystal: Hey Fox!

Fox:I said no more Star Fox Assaulted memories!

Falco: I didn't ask for any noobs, either.

A multiplayer match begins between Gamecube Wolf and Gamecube Fox (both out of Arwing/Wolfen)

Gamecube Wolf: Let's settle this, Fox!

Wolf: You can't breathe in space, you know.

Gamecube Wolf + Gamecube Fox: ... ~suffocate, respawn, suffocate again, respawn again in an endless loop as there was no score limit~

Meanwhile, the station core emerges from the center.

Krystal: Look, Fox! There's the core! Destroy it!

Fox: OK, I'll-

Falco: FOX! I've got bogies on my six! ~chased by a weak guy~

Fox's thoughts: OK, should I save Falco or blow up the core?

Peppy: Use the boost to get through!

Falco: OK. ~boosts, crashes into core, causing it to blow up~

Leon: u b t3h suxx0rs- ~consumed in asplosion~

Wolf: NOOOOOOOO!!!! ~also consumed~

Mission Owned

Fox: Alright, let's head for Venom!

Krystal: Wait! What about Falco?!

Fox: We can't wait for him! We need to go!

Krystal uses her seductive power of shooting the living heck out of him.

Fox: ~shot~ ACK! OK OK! We'll wait until Falco's arwing is repaired!

Fin.

Moral: Star Fox Assaulted isn't really that dead.

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 7
The Incredible Sequel

The team is at Fortuna for some damn reason because Fox is sick and Krystal is filling in for him.

Krystal: Alright! Everyone take that base back!

Falco: YOU NOOB! We could have hit Venom hard but YOU had to take us to Fortuna!

Krystal: That's all you're thinking, isn't it?

Falco: Heck no it isn't!

Krystal reads his mind, she being a telepath.

Falco's thoughts: Krystal is such a noob! I could have taken on the entire Venomian fleet, but NO! SHE had to take us here! Idiotic noob...

Peppy: You're the best, Slippy! (quote from Aquas mission after Slippy confesses that you have infinite torpedoes)

Falco: WHOAH. Peppy, are you finally admitting that you suck?

Slippy: I- ~gunned down by Falco~

Krystal: Somebody's in a foul mood today. I just hope Fox gets well soon.

Back in the Great Fox...

Fox: ~covered in 500 get well cards Krystal sent him~ Uh...help?

Back at Fortuna...

Star Wolf flies out of nowhere all of a sudden.

Wolf: Can't let you do that, Star Fo- hey, where's Fox?

Krystal: He's sick.

Wolf: Pity. Well, at least I'll have a little bit of fun.

Krystal: O_O

Wolf: NOT THAT kind of fun!

Krystal: Oh. Well, at least Panther isn't here.

Suddenly, Panther pops out of nowhere.

Panther: Hey, Krystal. How-

Panther is gunned down by Andrew and Pigma.

Pigma: That's for taking our jobs, you son of a *****!

Andrew: Durr...his dad's a *****?

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Suddenly, Krystal, Peppy, Andrew, Pigma, and Leon crash, leaving just Wolf vs. Falco.

Falco: FINALLY! A challenge!

Wolf: I won't make the same mistake I made last time. Prepare to die!

Wolf guns Falco down so that he has only a tiny bit of health left. Just when things look bleak, Falco gets hyper lasers and somersaults.

Wolf: You still won't defeat me!

Falco shoots him once and he crashes.

Wolf: No way! I don't believe it! ~asplodes~

Mission Owned

Fox flies into the fray.

Fox: What'd I miss?

Falco: You should have been there, Fox!

Fox: Been where?

Falco: Here!

Fox: OK, so what were you doing there?

Falco: There?

Fox: Yes, there!

Falco: I was never there. I was just here.

Fox: But I thought you said I should have been there!

Falco: Well, I meant here.

Fox: Whatever.

Fin.

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 8
Competition Setup

Everyone's in Arwings (And Wolfens and blah blah blah), waiting for who's facing what in the first round.

Fox: Hey, Falco? What's it like to be in Expert Mode?

Falco: Well...

Falco shoots Fox just once.

Fox: Hey! Why the hell did you shoot me?!

Falco: That isn't important. Check your wings and life gauge...

Fox finds his health down to 1 and both of his wings off.

Fox: WTF?!?!?!

Falco: THAT'S what happens when you get shot in Expert Mode. And the Venomians have lots of rapid fire, too...

The Camera pans to Slippy and Peppy.

Peppy: Do a Barrel Roll! Use the Boost to get through! Use the Brakes! Try Hovering!

Slippy: SOMEBODY SHUT HIM UP!

The camera then pans to Panther, who is being chased by Pigma and Andrew.

Andrew: Eat this, job stealer man!

Pigma: You flirting with Krystal won't save you now!

Panther: What the heck?

Wolf then flies into the fray.

Wolf: MY LINE! ~starts attacking Panther~

Suddenly, a booming voice erupts from out of nowhere. A huge force field thingy with a graph like that of which you'd see in Tournament Mode of Super Smash Bros. Melee on it appears in front of them.

Booming Voice: ATTENTION EVERYONE! We have your listings for the Star Fox 6400 Competition! First up, for match 1, it's Fox...

Fox: All aircraft report!

Booming Voice: ...vs Andrew!

Andrew: Durr...hi.

Booming Voice: Then, for match 2, we have Falco...

Falco: Let's kick some ***!

Booming Voice: ...vs. Wolf!

Wolf: Time to die!

Booming Voice: Then, for match 3, we have Peppy...

Peppy: Do a Barrel Roll!

Booming Voice: ...vs. Katt Monroe!

Katt: ~blows a kiss to Falco~

Falco: ~barrel rolls, deflecting the kiss directly to Panther for some unknown reason~

Booming Voice: Match 4, we have Panther...

Panther: What's a barrel roll, BTW?

Booming Voice: ...vs. Krystal!

Krystal: Great. So Panther, are you going to fight me or rape me?

Booming Voice: Finally, in Match 5, we have Pigma...

Pigma: WHERE R T3H MONEYS?!?!

Booming Voice: ...vs...

Slippy: Moment of fame for Slippy...

Booming Voice: ...Bill!

Slippy: WHAT?!

Bill: Hey! How'd I get in here?

Booming Voice: I will explain the rules after blowing up Slippy!

Slippy: WHA- ~asplodes~

Booming Voice: Let's all laugh and point at his death!

Everyone: ~laughs and points~

Anyway, in case you don't understand:

Round 1
Match 1: Fox vs. Andrew
Match 2: Falco vs. Wolf
Match 3: Peppy vs. Katt
Match 4: Panther vs. Krystal
Match 5: Pigma vs. Bill

Booming Voice: OK, the rules, and there are quite few of them - Green blocks are destructable, purple blocks are not. There will be three arenas - one for Round 1, one for Round 2, one for Round 3, and one for the Finals.

Round 1 - A platform of green blocks in the middle cornered by four stacks of four purple blocks.

Round 2 - A huge 3(length)x3(width)x4(height) stack of purple blocks with a horizontal hole in the middle. 8 stacks of 4 purple blocks corner it and on the North, South, West, and East stacks, bridges of green blocks connect the gigantic purple block to the stacks.

Round 3 - Vines of green blocks randomly dot the area. In the middle is a pyramid of purple blocks and on top of the pyramid is a stack of 5 purple blocks and on top of THAT is the mysterious blue block...

Finals - Four pyramids of purple blocks can be found in the corners. Green Blocks form bridges that connect all of them to a pyramid of mysterious blue blocks. In the middle of each of the bridges are stacks of 10 purple blocks which in turn have bridges of Green Blocks that collide in the middle. On top of the middle of THAT is the legendary Red Block.

Booming Voice: Match 1 will begin shortly. In the meantime, enjoy!

Fin.

[JYAP]

(does not enjoy)
(demands his money back)

[Protoss119]

The first match hasn't even begun yet, silly. But I'm working on it as we speak.

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 9
Competition Round 1, Matches 1 & 2

Booming Voice: Good evening gentlemen!! ALL YOUR BASE ARE...err, excuse me. Welcome back! We are about to host Match 1. On your mark...

3...

2...

1...

FIGHT!

Fox flies upward and dive-bombs Andrew with a bunch of lasers, but Andrew barrel rolls.

Fox: WTF H4X

Fox charges his laser and prepares to fire, but Andrew crashes into a pole.

Booming Voice: And the winner is...Fox!

Audience Member: We can plainly see that!

Booming Voice: ~shoots him~ And now for Match 2...

3...

2...

1...

FIGHT!

Falco keeps doing Barrel Rolls while firing at Wolf who does the same thing resulting in a Barrel Roll war. This ends when they both do a U-turn and turn around. Wolf charges his laser and fires at Falco who takes a tight turn. The charged laser thingy crashes and destroys two Purple blocks, regardless of the rules.

Booming Voice: WTF H4X

Falco: Jeez, what's with people and H4X today? It's like if you're breathing, you're using H4X.

Wolf: Well, I hate to say it, but some people are getting suspicious of your piloting skills.

Falco: WHO?! Where are they?!

Wolf: There. ~points to 7 members of the Trombone mafia~

Godfather: I knew they'd find out one way or anothah. Rub 'em out, boyz.

Before the Trombones can even get into proper playing position, they are nova-bombed by Falco.

Booming Voice: HEY! The Trombone Mafia pays me a crap-load of money just to host this stupid thing!

Falco: OK, so now you have a reason NOT to host it.

Booming Voice: ~shoots off his wings~

Falco: CRUD CRUD CRUD CRUD CRUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111eleven!!!!!!!11111111shif t+1

Booming Voice: Now hurry up and finish this f***ing match!

Falco: Fine.

Falco suddenly grabs a wing repair and a hyper laser from destroying green blocks.

Wolf: Oh hell...not again!

Falco fires and Wolf deflects with a Barrel Roll, suffering major damage in the process.

Wolf: Last time I take advice from Peppy. ~shot down by Falco~ NO WAY! I don't believe it! ~crashes~

Booming Voice: FALCO wins it! Wolf is-

Wolf: Hold that thought. ~flies into Booming Voice's skybox~

Booming Voice: NO- WAIT- DON'T- I JUST- BUT I- I CAN'T- ~has suffered 4 concussions, is missing three arms~ In...

Falco: What about me?!

Booming Voice: You're in too.

Falco: Works for me.

Fin.

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 10

Round 1, Matches 3, 4, & 5

Dredoc Anthorngleas: Well, since Booming Voice kicked the bucket, I guess I need to substitute for him. The Star Fox 6400 Competition is brought to you by the CATS Militia. CATS Militia - You have no chance to survive make your time. And now for Match 3 of Round 1! Prepare to FIGHT-

Katt: Everyone's always preparing! Just FIGHT!

Dredoc: Just fight.

The fight begins with Peppy unleashing his tips of fury.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll! Use the boost to get through! Use the brakes! Try hovering! Follow your father's examples, Fox! Take care of the guys behind me, Fox!

Katt: -_-

Katt guns him down.

Dredoc: And your winner is Katt! Peppy is officially out of-

Peppy: ~enraged~ DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL!

Dredoc: OK! OK! OK! Peppy's still in!

Katt: What about me?

Dredoc: I guess we could put you in Round 3...

Katt: Better than being out. OK.

Dredoc: Dammit, this competition is f***ed up. I'm going home. ~leaves~

Caradril Jadystine: Well, since Dredoc is gone, I guess I have to take over. Anywho, we have a special report on Match 4. It seems Panther has been arrested for trying to assassinate Abraham Lincoln. He said all this stuff like "Abraham Lincoln's dead!" and "I didn't do it!" but that's just nonsense. Slippy is filling in for him.

Slippy: Yay- ~asplodes~

Caradril: Phew! Slippy doesn't actually have to FIGHT this one. Ratings would have plumetted if he fought. Well, let's see...Panther's slot will be filled in by...Caiman.

Caiman: Caiman here. No problems. ~sees an ordinary sandwich in space~ Do you copy? EMERGENCY MANEUVERS!

Caradril: FIGHT!

Caiman shoots in all sorts of directions, missing every shot but breaking a few green blocks in the process. Krystal shoots off one of his wings.

Caiman: They're through the first line!

Caiman somersaults and is on Krystal's tail. He fires, but only hits with one shot. Guess how effective that was? :roll:

Krystal: Jeez, you suck. ~somersaults and shoots off another one of Caiman's wings~

Caiman: They're through the second line!

INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION

Krystal fires at Caiman one last time.

Caiman: The last line has been breached!!! ~asplodes~

Caradril: Krystal wins! Caiman is out! ~Caiman is dead~ Uh...right...onto Match 5! It's Pigma vs. Bill, everyone! FIGHT!

Bill: Alright, fleet! Take him out!

Caradril: Sorry, Bill! No fleet for you!

Bill: No fleet!? I can't live without my precious fleet! NOOOOOO- ~asplodes~

Caradril: And the winner is...Bill because Booming Voice needs him!

Pigma: No reward? AGAGAGAGAGAGA- ~head asplodes~

Caradril: Well, that seems to be it this round. Tune into Round 2! Until next time, everyone!

Fin.

Caradril: Gawd, this competition's f***ed up...

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 11
And now for something completely different

It's a regular day in Hyrule...but suddenly, a Venomian attack carrier (like the one in Corneria) descends upon it and attacks. Venomian fighters fly everywhere.

Hyrulian Reporter: This just in- ~Venomian crashes into him~ AAAUUUGHH!!!

Hyrulian Reporter 2: Thank you, John. We are in trouble! A venomian attack carrier is destroying the city of Hyrule!

Ganondorf: But that's my job...

Attack Carrier Captain: I've got a present for ya!

The Attack Carrier fires two missiles at Hyrule castle.

Ganondorf: ~asplodes~ GRRR!!!

Hyrulian Dolt: Hey, look! It's link!

All: YAY!

Link throws his boomerang at one of the open spots...doing a leetle bit of damage.

25 Boomerangs later...

All of the Attack Carrier thingies have been totaled. It then recedes and then blasts Link with its other weapon.

Captain: GO!!!

Link is obliterated.

Ganondorf: NOOOOO! I wanted to take over Hyrule! I'M THE VILLAN!

Ganondorf suddenly goes into a rage and destroys what's left of the Attack Carrier.

Captain: You'll never defeat Andross!!!!!!!!!!!1111one!!!!1111shift+1

The Attack Carrier asplodes, taking the city with it.

Ganondorf: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I, Ganondorf, will rule the city of Hyrule!

A cricket chirps around the debris.

Ganondorf: Well this sucks.

Fin.

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 12
Round 2, Match 2

Caradril Jadystine: Welcome back! Sorry, guys. I was too busy watching the Hyrule attack to notice anything about Match 1, but it went like this: It was Fox vs. Falco vs. Wolf. Fox shot Falco who shot Wolf who somersaulted and shot Falco with a charged shot who U-turned and shot Fox a bunch of times who nova-bombed Wolf who took out Falco. So let's see...

Round 1 Aftermath

Fox vs. Andrew - Fox is in.
Falco vs. Wolf - Both in. (Good job, Booming Voice... :P)
Katt vs. Peppy - Katt placed in Round 3. Peppy is in.
Krystal vs. Caiman - Krystal is in.
Pigma vs. Bill - Bill is in.

Caradril: Booming voice, you Herbert Hoover of a man...OK. Anyway, next match, which is again a triple threat. Today it will be Peppy...

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

...vs. Krystal...

Krystal: Death to Panther!

...vs. Bill!

Bill: When do I get my fleet?

Caradril: Whoever wins gets a prize of their choice. I can't believe Booming Voice OR Dredoc mentioned that!

Dredoc: Well, it wasn't on my agenda. But still, I'm back, so I can help ye out.

Caradril: OK. See-

Falco: WHAT!? I'm out?! That's just crazy! C'mere a sec...

A big brawl begins in the skybox.

Falco: HOLY HE- NO- WAIT- DON'T- AAAAAHHH!!!!

It ends with Falco being thrown out.

Caradril: No unfair advantages for j00.

Dredoc: Is everybody ready?

Peppy: Use the boost to get thru!

Krystal: Mmm-hmm.

Bill: Yup.

Dredoc: OK. FIGHT!

Krystal fires at Bill who barrel rolls and fires his double lasers at Krystal who in turn barrel rolls too. All the pretty stuff is directed directly at Peppy who is defenseless. Big boom.

Krystal: You're a fair opponent, Bill, but now it's time to end this! ~blows kiss to him~

Bill: Have a taste of your own medicine, harpy! ~barrel rolls, deflecting the kiss right back at her~

Krystal: ~barrel rolls in the nick of time~ What? Do you want to make me look like a lesbian?!

Bill: ~barrel rolls~ Does anybody care?

Peppy: ~kiss is aimed at him, barrel rolls~ Do a barrel roll~

Suddenly, Gamecube Wolf warps out of nowhere.

Gamecube Wolf: You fools! What are you idiots up to now... ~sees kiss headed directly for him~ AAAAAHHHH!!!!

The kiss hits his ship and it asplodes.

Bill & Krystal: ~shrug and attack Peppy~

Peppy: They're on me! I'm get'n careless! ~oblivious to the fact that Fox isn't here~

Peppy is (eventually) destroyed.

Caradril: Peppy is out!

Dredoc: Please, no more Gay/Lesbian jokes.

But-

Dredoc: But nothin'!

~sigh~ Fine.

Round 2 Aftermath
Fox vs. Falco vs. Wolf - Falco is out.
Krystal vs. Peppy vs. Bill - Peppy is out.

Caradril: Don't miss Round 3! Our first match will be Fox vs. Wolf vs. Katt Monroe.

Dredoc: Goodnight, everyone.

Fin.

Caradril: But it's in the middle of the morning...

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 13
WARNING: Unlucky number ahead

Fox: Hey, today is the 13th episode, right?

Dredoc: Right. Why?

Fox: ...RUN FOR YOU LIVES!

All chaos ensues as the crowd panics, the competitors fly away from the arena oblivious that they can't escape, random Protoss Dragoons and Scouts shoot them down and Peppy is Zerg rushed.

Terran Marine: ~gunned down by Wolf~ F***ing chicken suit... ~dies~

Meanwhile, a Torpedo Sphere in service of the Galactic Empire opens fire, unleashing all 500 proton torpedoes.

SNES Star Fox Game: ~warning sounds~ INCOMING ENEMY

Caradril: I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!!! ~head asplodes~

Dredoc: OK, that's it! ~presses the emergency time vortex reversal thingy, otherwise known as the rewind button~

FLASH

Everything is as it once was at the beginning of the episode.

Caradril: Welcome to Round Three, everybody! Today we have Fox...

Fox: All aircraft report!

Caradril: vs. Wolf...

Wolf: Cornerians are racist against Venomians.

Caradril: ...vs Katt!

Katt: ~blows kiss to Falco who barrel rolls, deflecting it~

Dredoc: Strange...seems the author has become addicted to Barrel Rolls.

Caradril: I noticed. Maybe he's falling under the influence of Peppy?

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Yeeesss master. ~barrel rolls~

Caradril: You see what I mean? It's pure trouble. Anyway, FIGHT!

It all begins with the combatants cutting their way through the vines of green blocks.

Fox: Damn vines. Impossible to see your combatant.

Suddenly, Fox is in Wolf's line of sight and is fired upon by Wolf. This sort of dogfight lasts for a while before Katt shows her face and fires on them both in one surprise attack. Then the real dogfight begins.

Fox begins firing at Wolf who is firing at Katt who somersaults twice and begins firing at Fox who U-turns and fires at a few Green blocks. Then, Wolf U-turns and accidentally hits the mysterious blue block...

FLASH! All the blocks are sent into random locations and prove difficult to dodge, resulting in mass damage to all three fighters when it finally wears off. Wolf begins firing on Fox, but misses and hits Katt's fighter, destroying it.

Caradril: Katt Monroe is OUT! Fox and Wolf, we will see you in the Finals. Tune in next time for Round 3, Match 2, which is Krystal vs. Bill!

Dredoc: See ya laterz.

Fin.

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 14
Round 3, Match 2

Caradril: Hello again, everyone! Today comes the match between Krystal and Bill.

Dredoc: And after this comes the finals and then the end of this f***ed up competition!

Caradril: You said it. Hey, wait...I got an e-mail from JYAP.

Dredoc: Open it.

Caradril: OK.

Caradril opens the message and...

Dredoc: ~scythe'd~

Caradril: ~scythe'd~

Dredoc: Goddamn it, JYAP! ~sigh~ Just get this f***ing match started, OK?!

Caradril: FIGHT!

Bill has a more maneuverable fighter, it being less armored, and dual lasers that cut through the vines when he can't fly past them. Krystal, on the other hand, has more armor on her arwing and thus needs to shoot through the vines with her one laser. At last, they find each other, and Bill begins to shoot her down.

However, Krystal keeps barrel rolling while charging her laser and fires at Bill who is shot down.

Krystal: HA- ~crushed by falling Protoss Dragoon~

Dragoon: I have retur- ~zerg rush'd~

Dredoc: ...err...

Caradril: Draw. See you at the finals, everyone.

Fin.

[JYAP]

Nice. I now have my own email virus. Now to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!11111shift+1

[Protoss119]

Star Fox 6400 15
And after that, the f***ed up competition is over!

Caradril: Welcome, audience, to the FINALSSSS!!!!!!!!!11111shift+1

A cricket chirps.

Caradril: It is here that we all get to see the aftermath of this f***ed up- err, Star Fox 64 competition!

Dredoc: Finally, the author decides to do this. Hey, where's Slippy? He had to have come back to life by now!

Elsewhere on the Great Fox, Slippy is stuck in a mailbox.

Slippy: Uh...guys? Can you help me out here?

Dredoc: On your marks...get set...

Fox and Wolf prep their arwings/wolfens.

Caradril: FIGHT!

Dredoc: Awwww, why can't I say that?

Caradril: Try.

Dredoc: Fight!

Caradril: That's why. Now be quiet.

Dredoc: ~mutters~ Bully...

OK, so let's get to the fight. Wolf flies above Fox who follows him who then comes back down to shoot Fox - a move completely unexpected by Fox. Then, when Fox tried to fire at him, he accidentally hit a blue block and all the blocks got scrambled. Not only that, but he also hit Alpha cruising in his ARC-170.

Alpha: WTF H4X

Dredoc: Hhel lwe hatt? ~words are scrambled up - they spell out "What the hell?"~

At that moment, Wolf fires at the Red Block and gains power beyond his imagination.

Wolf: HAR!

At that very moment, Wolf guns down Fox.

Fox: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~krash~

Wolf: I WIN! And as my prize, I want all of Lylat!

Suddenly, James McCloud appears out of nowhere in an old SNES Arwing.

James: Fowl!

Caradril: Fowl? WTH?

James: He used an illegal chicken to power up his fighter after he shot the red block. It would normally have given him hyper lasers and 9 bombs, but the chicken made him even more powerful.

Dredoc: How did it get there in the first place?

James: He smuggled it in there.

Wolf: So do I get a penalty or something?

Caradril: No, we're above that. ~rewinds match to beginning~

Fox: Hey! I have hyper lasers!

James: Don't ever give up, my son. ~flies off~

Wolf: Oh crap.

Fox shoots Wolf once and his Wolfen asplodes.

Wolf: No way! I don't believe it! ~krash~

Caradril: FOX HAS WON! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Wolf: Didn't I JUST say that?

Caradril: Nobody heard you.

Wolf: Bull!

Dredoc: What kind of bull?

Wolf: Uh...blue!

Dredoc: That sure as hell doesn't give you wings.

Wolf: I don't give a damn.

Caradril: So Fox, what would you like as your prize? It can't be all of Lylat, though, or else everybody would wish that. And think of all the rebellions on each planet? It would just be all-out war.

Fox: I want to see what happens between me and Krystal after Star Fox Assault.

Caradril: Done!

A viewscreen opens with a video showing what happens between Fox and Krystal. You don't get to see it though. Ha ha. ~smote by around 1,000 viewers, all being either Felonious Monk or JYAP~ Ow...

Fox: Awesome...

Fox's thoughts: OK, I just need to find a way to get around Star Fox Adventures and Krystal is mine minus the humiliation. Muahahahahahahaha- ~cough cough wheeze thud~

And after that things got back to normal. Fox kept on fighting at Fortuna and Corneria and...blah blah blah.

THE END

[JYAP]

(throws tomato)

[Protoss119]

~eats tomato~

Don't worry, I got new episodes coming up much better than this.

Fox: OMG WTF BBQ- ~shmacked~

[Protoss119]

INCOMING EPISODES!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111shift+1

Admiral Piett (Star Wars): Intensify the foward firepower!

The episode keeps coming.

Admiral Piett: INTENSIFY THE FORWARD FIREPOWER!!!

Guy: Too late!

The episode crashes through the Super Star Destroyer Executor and it collides into this post and explodes.

Star Fox 6400 16
HAR! 16 by Alex Korb

Fox and the team are in the Great Fox in Sector Z preparing for a trip to Star Fox Assault.

Falco: Why are we on this trip again?

Fox: Well, I didn’t have enough time to prepare a full explanation, but mostly it’s just for the heck of it.

Falco: So you’re saying this whole trip popped out of nowhere?

Fox: Yup!

Falco: …C’mere a sec.

A big brawl occurs between Fox and Falco. Guess who wins?

Fox: Ow…

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Slippy: He said we’re about to depart!

Falco: Gee, thanks, Slip! ~pushes him down a mailbox~

Slippy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…~falli ng a long way down~

Fox: OK, ROB! Launch all “Zig”!

ROB64: Fighter type “Zig” does not exist - DOES NOT COMPUTE ~asplodes~

Falco: I hate you. Peppy, punch it!

Peppy: Use the boost to get thru!

A warp gate opens in front of the Great Fox and the ship is transported to the graphically advanced Fichina.

Fox: Purdy…

Falco: Shoot. That makes Star Fox 64’s graphics look crappy. (Note: Not true – Star Fox 64’s graphics are fairly good)

Peppy: Use the brakes!

Fox: So what do we do now?

Falco: We could wait till enemies arrive.

…

Fox: I love you, Falco.

Falco: Ah, shaddup.

3 hours later…

The team is bored as heck and they have already repaired ROB64.

Fox: So...bored...

Falco: 67...68...69...70...~counting specks~

Peppy: ~has a piece of duck tape over his mouth~

Fox: OK, that's it! There are no enemies, Peppy won't shut up despite our best efforts, and the commercials on this channel suck more than the shows!

TV: Tired of your fart going in all directions? Introducing FLEXIFART! The illegal drug that magically (OMFG!!!) allows your fart to go in any direction you want it to! Disclaimer: Lasts for 24 hours. Not available on Corneria, Fortuna, Katina, Sector Y, or Virginia. Only goes in one direction. Flexifart - the illegal fart drug for YOU!

(Note: Not meant to be a bathroom joke.)

Fox: I want to go shoot something! This is madness!

Falco: I'm with ya, man! Peppy, fire the cannons at that rod thing over there.

Peppy: Mm m mmmmmm mmmm! ~tied up~

Falco sighs and unties him. Unfortunately, all the doabarrelrolls that got blocked by the duck tape get unleashed simultaneously in unison.

Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!

Falco: Yeah yeah yeah, I know. Just shoot the blasted pole thing!

The Great Fox fires and shoots off the pole thingy on the climate control center.

Fox: Was that the Climate Control Center?

Falco: Uh...yeah.

Fox: Oh crap.

Suddenly a big blizzard hits the Great Fox. Suddenly (then gradually), the engines start losing power.

Fox: What happen?

Falco: Somebody set up us the bomb. (It's a freeze bomb, BTW)

ROB64: We get signal.

Suddenly, Snow Mirnimane appears on the holoview.

Fox: You!!

Snow: How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us.

Fox: What you say!!

Snow: You have no chance to survive make your time. Make your time now gentlemen. Ha. Ha. Ha. ~disappears~

Fox: Oh, forget this. I don't want another one of these. Peppy, punch it!

Peppy: Use the brakes!

Slippy: ~finally at the bottom of the mailbox~ He meant Use the boost to get thru!

Falco: A good suggestion for once.

The warp gate appears in front of the Great Fox and it boosts into the gate to find itself back at Sector Z.

Falco: Glad that's over. So what have we learned today?

Fox: Absolutely nothing!

Falco: Right!

Fin.

More on the way.

[Protoss119]

All three of these episodes are supposed to be part of my comeback called the "Countleft to 20". In case you don't know what that means, instead of countdown, I just made it countleft. It has no real definition.

Star Fox 6400 17
T3h 1337 17 by Alex Korb

The Great Fox is caught in a cage of red bars and brown-ish pads in Sector X.

Falco: Somehow, I knew this was coming. You know, with all the red bars and brown-ish pads…you’d think they could do a lot more with that.

ROB64: Warning! Great Fox caught in trap!

Falco: For the last time, we KNOW!

Fox: We gotta get out of this…

Falco: Just shoot the bars! Peppy, fire the guns!

Peppy: Follow your father’s examples, Fox!

The Great Fox fires, the red bars are destroyed, and Fox and his team escape.

Venomian Crony: Star Fox and his team are escaping!

Venomian Commander: You phool! You were supposed to make TITANIUM bars!

Venomian Crony: We did that!

Falco: Now where to?

Fox: Well, we still need to go to…Sector Y, Meteo Asteroid Field, Titania, Macbeth, Solar-

Falco: While getting fried to death.

Fox: -Aquas, Katina…let’s go to Katina.

Falco: OK. Punch it, Peppy!

Peppbacca: RAWR

Fox: What the heck?

Star Wolf: ~appears out of nowhere~ That was my line, Fox. Give credit or get blasted.

Fox: OK, take 2. What the heck? © Wolf

Wolf: Thank you. ~is off~

Fox: Well, anyway, who the heck is Peppbacca?!

Falco: You mean Peppy? Oh, he’s just my wookie.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Peppbacca: RAWR- ~asplodes~

Falco: You killed him with a tip.

Fox: No, this is killing him with a tip.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Fox takes the doabarrelroll and shoves it down some random wookie’s throat which cuts off its air circulation, causing it to die.

Fox: Well, despite the fact that I owe mega-uber money to JYAP, we still need to go to Katina.

Falco: OK, let's go-

Fox: Hey hey hey! Who died and made you king?! I'm the leader and I say GO-

Suddenly, the ship is off to Katina and Fox is thrown into his seat.

When they get there...

They find a huge UFO above the planet.

UFO Captain: Attention, Katina residents. As you are currently noticing about myself, my grammar sux. We are about to commence Operation: Shoot the Crap Out of Your Base, so you must be surrendering now or my self will be throwing in the current moment more bad grammar and Family Guy jokes.

Bill: We'll never surrender to the likes of you, idiot!

ROB64: UFO weapon activated. 1 minute until it fires.

Fox: OK! Take out that UFO!

The team (minus Slippy, still stuck inside the mailbox which is comically placed in the middle of nowhere) attacks with their arwings.

Slippy: Uh...guys? Any chance of getting me out of here?

Slippy then faces the secret weapon from Sector X which picks the mailbox up.

Secret Weapon: MUST. THROW. TO. TITANIA. ~does so~

Slippy: Fox!!!!!!!!11111shift+1

Falco: Thank god.

Fox: OK, let's shoot off the core.

Fox and the team do so and in a magnificent asplosion, the UFO falls on the base.

Bill: Yeehaw! You did it!

Husky Unit Pilot: No, you didn't! Now the splash damage will destroy the base!

Bill: ~shoots him down~ Uh...you didn't hear anything!

Fox and his team have fled the planet when the asplosion puts a hole in the planet.

Mission Owned

Fox: All aircraft report!

Falco: We could have gotten consumed in that explosion but NOOO, you had to make us retreat.

Peppy: Use the brakes!

Slippy: Uh...guys? There's this really weird monster headed right for me...any chance of getting me out of this mailbox?

Fin.

Slippy: Guys? You there?

[Protoss119]

Star Fox Assault General Pepper: You fool! You were supposed to read the other two spoofs!

Star Fox 6400 18
Countleft to 20 by Alex Korb

The Great Fox is hovering over the surface of Titania.

Fox: Deploy the Landmaster!

Falco: Why do you need a tank to do this stuff? We’ve got a freakin’ dreadnought!

Fox: I know. And if the sandstorm is in effect, why are you flying arwings?

Falco: Seriously!

Peppy: To barrel roll, press Z or R twice!

Fox: ~shoots down a random enemy~ I already know how to Barrel Roll, and we don’t have Nintendo 64 controllers.

Falco: It looks like he doesn’t care. ~ditto~

Peppy: Try hovering!

Fox: Not necessary. ~shoots another down~

Peppy: Do a barrel roll! ~kills someone with his tip~

Fox: Peppy, shut up. ~shoots another guy down~

Peppy: Use the brakes-

Fox: SHUT UP! ~echo~

Hour 1

Fox: How hard is the boss here?

Falco: Not hard if you can endure grueling pain.

Fox: Shoot.

Hour 2

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

There are no enemies nearby.

Fox: Do you ever shut up?!

Hour 3

Falco: So if barrel rolling isn’t necessary, what is?

Fox: Shooting stuff, shooting more stuff…

Falco: Well, I know that. After all, we’re all addicted to shooting stuff.

Fox: That’s just about it, really.

Falco: So it’s only necessary that you shoot stuff?

Fox: Pretty much. It's kind of like crack except its not illegal.

Hour 4

Fox: How is it that it is taking hours to find Slippy? Given the length of the game, it should only last around 15 minutes.

Falco: That’s why I never go to Titania.

Hour 5

Falco: So how did you develop this bloodlust, Fox?

Fox: Well...

Falco: Oh F***! It's a flashback! RUN FOR YOU LIVES

Echo Base Commander: RUN! RUNNNN!!!!

The rebels of Hoth evacuate before the Imperials even begin their attack.

General Maximillian Veers: ~has just arrived in his AT-AT~ WTF?!

FLASHBACK...

Falco is in this show-off-ish tuxedo in a bar with Fox.

Falco: You had to flashback us back to THIS moment, didn't you?

Fox: ~is in a drunken stupor~ I love you. ~hic~

Suddenly, Fox hugs Falco and everyone pulls out a blaster pistol and fires at him and then point and laugh at Falco's humiliation.

Fox: ~is un-drunk, enraged~ OMFG! YOU DON'T TAUNT FALCO! FALCO TAUNT YOU!

Guy: Uh...what?

Fox: YOU PHOOLS! I'M GONNA KILL EVERY BAD GUY IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! THEN YOU SEE! THEN YOU KNOW YOU DON'T TAUNT FALCO! FALCO TAUNT YOU!

Falco: ...Yeah. I appreciate you sticking up for me, bud, but you don't have to be an idiot about it.

...KCABHSALF

Falco: And you're still an idiot about it.

Hour 6

Peppy: Try hovering!

Fox: Maybe the reason we can’t find Slippy is because you’re chasing him away with your tips!

Peppy: Use the boost to get thru!

Fox: For the last time, SHADDUP!

The team finally reaches Slippy.

Slippy: Fox? Is that you?!

Fox: Yeah, it’s me.

Slippy: I knew you’d come to rescue me!

Falco: What are you talking about?

Fox: We’re just here to get the medal.

Suddenly, Fox feels a rumbling under his Landmaster and out comes a very weird monster.

Slippy: Fox!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111shift+1

Falco: Fox! Shoot the arms!

Fox: Why should I?

Falco: Because if you save Slippy, YOU get to shoot him down.

Fox: Done!

Fox shoots off the monster’s arms and Slippy is free.

Slippy: Enemy shield analyzed.

Fox: No Slippy NO!

The enemy life gauge pops up and hits Fox.

Fox: ARGH!

Even as Fox is stuck on the life gauge, he fires at the monster’s heart and destroys it.

Mission Owned

Fox: All aircraft report!

Slippy: So we’re cool, Fox?

Fox: Despite the fact that I’m going to have to hate you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever, yeah, we’re cool. Hey, look over there!

Slippy: Oooh, look! A pretty red dot! ~flies over to it~

Suddenly, a bunch of other dots appear to form a smiley face.

Slippy: I wonder what this could mean?

Protoss General: Nuclear Launch detected.

Slippy: OH F-

Suddenly, Slippy is consumed in a magnificent explosion. Afterwards, three stormtroopers and a mad scientist appear.

Stormtrooper: OMFG! They killed Slippy!

Mad Scientist: Don’t worry! We can rebuild him…Faster…Stronger…much more prone to death! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- ~cough hack wheeze thud~

Peppy: Try hovering!

Fox: I’m gonna do that. Hey…I never suffered grueling pain like you said, Falco.

Suddenly, a tiny speck of rock hits him and he only has a sliver of health left.

Falco: O RLY?

Fin.

[JYAP]

LOL! YOU DON'T TAUNT FALCO! FALCO TAUNT YOU! LOL!
(shot)
Ow. Yeah,you REALLY owe me money. Lots of it.

[Protoss119]

~sells him Peppbacca's corpse along with a couple thousand doabarrelrolls to pay off debt~

Admiral Piett: Uh...what?

Oh, BTW, when I was doing the Flexifart commercial, I was taunting all the other commercials that state something can MAGICALLY fly or can MAGICALLY make things change colors. It's F***ing overused.

Star Fox 6400 19
Area 52

Everyone is in Sector Y shooting stuff. Fox is blasting an enemy every 1 second - a record of slowness.

Falco: Is that the best you can do?

Fox: STFU Falco.

Falco: Did you just tell me to STFU?

Fox: Yup.

Falco: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH ~head asplodes~

Slippy magically gets out of his ship and points and laughs at Falco's corpse.

Fox: OMFG! YOU DON'T TAUNT FALCO! FALCO TAUNT YOU!

Fox pulls a Grunt (Halo/Halo 2) out of his sleeve.

Grunt: FLARE! ~throws plasma grenade into Slippy's mouth~

Slippy's insides asplode. Meanwhile, Samus Aran's gunship warps out of nowhere and Samus come out of her ship, firing some cluster missiles (Metroid Prime 2: Echoes) at Fox's ship.

Fox: OH CRAP! CAN'T...GET...AWAY!!!

Suddenly, when things look bleak...

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Suddenly, all the cluster missiles blow up.

Fox: Yay!

Samus just shrugs and fires some more.

Fox: F***! I'm gonna die!

A venomian missile cruiser jumps out of hyperspace and after being hit by all the cluster missiles, starts firing at Samus. Samus, down but not out, gets up and fires a super missile at the missile cruiser, blowing it up. And THEN, three Vex fighters fly out of nowhere and shoot millions of missiles everywhere.

Fox: MISSILE FEST YO! ~nova-bombs a fighter~

Peppy: Use the boost to get thru! ~thousands of missiles fly out of his G-Diffuser~

Gamecube Peppy: ~in Great Fox blowing up~ Out of the way, everybody! ~crashes into an enemy and asplodes~

Aftermath:

Dead:

Falco
Slippy
Gamecube Peppy
Whoever the hell was piloting the Missile Cruiser
Survivors:

Fox
Peppy
Samus (with 1 energy left)
Admiral Piett
3 Vex fighters
Grunt

Samus: Ow...

Fin.

~sells JYAP Slippy's insides and the Grunt that killed him~

Grunt: But I don't wanna be sold! I've been so faithful- ~shot with pellet gun, dies~

[JYAP]

Just a tiny blooper to remind you that you still have one episode to go on your countleft.

SPOILERS though.







Aparoided Pepper: Blargh,I lost.

Peppy: Hold on there!(catches Pepper's mech,which slips off promptly)Whoops!(crash)

[Protoss119]

Indeed. The Countleft comes to a close.

Star Fox 6400 20
The circle is now complete

Fox bursts into a room in the Great Fox where Falco is playing Star Fox 64 vs. Andross.

Fox: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

Falco: Dammit, you made me lose. What the hell's the problem?!

Fox: I just figured out the horrible truth of-

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Falco: Enough overdramatizing, what's the deal?

Fox: Star Fox Command for the DS is coming out soon, and from what I've seen, it's HORRIBLE!

Falco: We're not being recognized as a part of Nintendo anymore, are we? Is this guy not happy with Star Fox 64?

Fox: I feel that I must do something...something very brave...

Peppy: Use the boost to get thru!

Fox: And it's not that.

Peppy: Use the brakes!

Fox: Nope.

Peppy: Try hovering!

Fox: Nice try.

Falco: ~presses button, buzzer goes off~ You need to go to Nintendo and complain.

Fox: Wrong again. Wait, what?

Falco: ~sigh~ I give. What?

Fox: I need to play more SF 64! ~throws Falco out of seat, plays~

Falco: Well, that's a first.

Slippy walks in.

Slippy: Hey guys! Whatcha doi-

Falco: DUCK AND COVER!

Fox: What? I can't, I'm too busy playing this.

Peppy: Just shoot it, Fox!

Fox: Hell no! What are you, crazy?!

Suddenly, a bunch of miniature Ghosts start pointing their pretty lasers in the form of a smiley face.

Slippy: Uh...guys?

ROB64: Nuclear Launch Detected

Slippy: Where?! DUCK AND COVER! ~gets miniature nuke'd 75 times, head explodes~

Falco: Phew. Anyway, when do you plan on complaining to Nintendo, Fox?

Fox: Right after this...

3 hours later...

Falco: ZOMG FOX!

Fox: Dammit, you made me lose. What is it?!

Falco: Star Fox Command beta just got released! Worse, one of the 15 new characters is ROB65!

Fox: THAT CAN'T BE! That's it! I'm going over there and giving them the old one-two!

Falco: I CALL GAME! ~jumps on couch, begins playing~

Fox: DAMN!

Nintendo HQ, 1138:00

Fox walks to the accountant's desk (duh).

Accountant: Do you have an appointment?

Fox: Yes I do.

Accountant: No you don't.

Fox: ~pulls out 1dpie damage Longsword~ Yes I do.

Accountant: OK...let me clear you.

Fox: ~runs off~

Soon, Fox reaches the Head of Nintendo's main office.

Head of Nintendo: YOU! My failed experiment!

Fox: Wha?

Head of Nintendo: Nothing. GUARDS!

Suddenly, 4 Space Pirates & 4 Goombas come out of nowhere.

SSB Voice: 3...2...1...GO!

Fox lays a minefield of bumpers while Space Pirates shoot at him and then throws each Space Pirate into the minefield where they each hit the bumpers, then the cieling, then the bumpers, then the cieling...and it goes on and on. Then the Goombas take out Poison Mushroom guns and fire until Fox is basically Microscopic.

Goombas: Where did he go?!

Fox: ~runs in between their legs into the office~

Fox grows back to his original size.

HoN: Why are you here?!

Fox: I'm here because you fail to recognize me as a part of Nintendo!

HoN: You are a part of Nintendo.

Fox: Albiet a really crappy one! I demand that you stop making crappy games and put us back into motion!

HoN: Is that a 1dpie Longsword?

Fox: Yeah.

HoN: If you give me that Longsword, I'll stop making crappy games and keep going with our...um...original saga.

Fox: Done. ~gives him longsword and is knocked unsubconsious by it~

HoN: What did we learn today, abomination?

Back on the Great Fox...

Fox: Ugghh...what happened?

Falco: GAH! You made me lose the game is what happened!

Fox: Damn...I failed.

Falco: Damn right you did at letting me win the game.

Fox: No, I mean I failed to stop the Head of Nintendo.

Falco: A shame. Ah well.

Fin.

[JYAP]

I don't think Star Fox Command will be THAT bad. It'll be better than Star Wolf throwing Andrew and Pigma out.

[Protoss119]

Yes, but that's not all there is to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Fox_Command

Hmm. Different from when I last saw it. Nevertheless...I don't like how it looks, but maybe you're right. ~daydreams about throwing Grimm and his ArMech into Star Fox, even though it will never come to be~

[JYAP]

Wait,Slippy gets a girlfriend? We'll die before the game comes out.

[Protoss119]

Yes, we will.

General Pepper (SF Assault): Slippy, you fool! You're not supposed to get a girlfriend!

Slippy: I'm not?

General Pepper: NO, you fool! You're supposed to be everyone's target! Oh crap...I said too much. ~throws a nuke at him~

Slippy: Hey, what's tha- ~nuke'd~

[JYAP]

I'm just disappointed Falco didn't get more firepower. I would totally give up armor for extra firepower and speed.

[Protoss119]

Hell yes. So would I. If someone's really that scared of getting blown up, then he should get more firepower to ensure that he never does. If he gets more armor, then his opponent will eventually follow suit with extra firepower.

[JYAP]

Well,it's supposedly out. Gonna have to roll one hell of a Persuade check for a DS...or put it on my birthday wishlist,which is in November. That Multi lock better be worth a bomb and some armor.

[Protoss119]

I already got a DS, I just need the game...

The commercial sucks IMO BTW.

I can't imagine what the story will be like. In that case, I'll just stick to FFAs. XD

[JYAP]

Read the Wiki article again.

[Protoss119]

Hmm. Now it doesn't look so bad. That is of course until Octoman (F-Zero Racer) brainwashes Slippy.

~secretly inserts Grimm into the game via his daydreams~

[JYAP]

Supposedly in one of the endings Falco and Fox become F-Zero racers. In F-Zero GX,there's a character named James McCloud that does NOT look like a fox,but looks like Fox in every other way,right down to the outfit and the Arwing-ish vehicle.

[Protoss119]

James McCloud also appeared in its precursor, F-Zero X. I know this, I've played it. XD