Protoss119
11-30-2005, 03:02 PM
This here spoof is not of Halo 2...(well, it sort of is) but of Halo in general. Not the first one, but of the entire universe. Enjoy!
Halo 3
Not long ago, Bungie released a game for the Xbox called Halo, which soon reached the PC. Later, Bungie released the smash-hit sequel, Halo 2. Millions of fans await Halo 3, if any. Rest assured, I have somehow retried the script for Halo 3 for your viewing pleasure.
(This is just a big filthy lie.)
Just ignore that big italic print up there. It's nothing. Well, anywho, let's get to the facts. When we last saw Master Chief, he was headed for Earth to stop the Prophet of Truth and his fleet.
Master Chief is on the forerunner ship as he was in Halo 2.
Master Chief: Yeehaw!
Except he doesn't say that.
Master Chief:
(Because I said so)
Master Chief: You've repeated that joke hundreds of times, now is the time to STOP!
The Arbiter actually encounters the Chief! (As if he hasn't done so already)
Arbiter: Why are you doing this!?
Master Chief: *Depends. Why does anyone do anything? There must be a specific reason. Yes, that's it - reason. It is reason that makes us. ~Another Master Chief appears from behind him~
Master Chief 2: Reason that binds us.
Master Chief 3: Reason that builds us.
Master Chief 4: Defines us.
Master Chief 5: Refines us.
Master Chief: We are here because of you, Mr. Arbiter. To take from you what you stole from us.
Arbiter fires his Covenant carbine but misses. This confuses the Chiefs.
Master Chief 4: OMFG LYK WTF
Master Chief 2: DID SOMEONE LYK FIRE
Master Chief 5: WTF HAPPENED
*Yes, I know, this is not exactly what Agent Smith says, stop flaming me already.
Arbiter gets captured!
The Arbiter is in the same place he was at the beginning of Halo 2, where the Mark of Shame is being implanted onto him. This mark is being implanted onto him again by Tartarus Jr.
Arbiter: Why are you putting the Mark of Shame on me AGAIN!?
Tartarus Jr.: Because, Arbiter...you are...the one.
Arbiter: OK, so if I'm "the one", why are you putting the Mark of Shame on me?
Tartarus Jr.: Because it's part of the script.
Arbiter: Ah, nothing beats the good ol' script, eh?
Tartarus Jr.: You got that right. I had this guy named Joe - he had dreams of becoming an actor. One of his scripts told him to commit suicide, but he didn't do it - now he eats everything out of a silver...huh?
Tartarus Jr. finds that the Arbiter has escaped.
Tartarus Jr.: Darn it! That's the 3rd one this week!
New weapons, vehicles, and multiplayer teams!
A player on the tan team fires a ghost-launching plasma pistol* at a maroon player in a golden banshee**. The ghost and banshee collide and asplode.
*The ghost-launching plasma pistol is a hacked version of a plasma pistol (god knows how they do it) which can launch ghosts instead of plasma bolts.
**The golden banshee was rumored to have popped up on Blood Gulch, but in truth, it never existed. Period.
Dramatic Ending!
Master Chief: You will die, Mr. Arbiter! You will DIE!
Master Chief is sniped by a sniper who was sniping other snipers on the snipes.
Respawn time: 1337 seconds.
And that's all I'm gonna share with you, for surprise's sake.
Fin.
Halo 3
Not long ago, Bungie released a game for the Xbox called Halo, which soon reached the PC. Later, Bungie released the smash-hit sequel, Halo 2. Millions of fans await Halo 3, if any. Rest assured, I have somehow retried the script for Halo 3 for your viewing pleasure.
(This is just a big filthy lie.)
Just ignore that big italic print up there. It's nothing. Well, anywho, let's get to the facts. When we last saw Master Chief, he was headed for Earth to stop the Prophet of Truth and his fleet.
Master Chief is on the forerunner ship as he was in Halo 2.
Master Chief: Yeehaw!
Except he doesn't say that.
Master Chief:
(Because I said so)
Master Chief: You've repeated that joke hundreds of times, now is the time to STOP!
The Arbiter actually encounters the Chief! (As if he hasn't done so already)
Arbiter: Why are you doing this!?
Master Chief: *Depends. Why does anyone do anything? There must be a specific reason. Yes, that's it - reason. It is reason that makes us. ~Another Master Chief appears from behind him~
Master Chief 2: Reason that binds us.
Master Chief 3: Reason that builds us.
Master Chief 4: Defines us.
Master Chief 5: Refines us.
Master Chief: We are here because of you, Mr. Arbiter. To take from you what you stole from us.
Arbiter fires his Covenant carbine but misses. This confuses the Chiefs.
Master Chief 4: OMFG LYK WTF
Master Chief 2: DID SOMEONE LYK FIRE
Master Chief 5: WTF HAPPENED
*Yes, I know, this is not exactly what Agent Smith says, stop flaming me already.
Arbiter gets captured!
The Arbiter is in the same place he was at the beginning of Halo 2, where the Mark of Shame is being implanted onto him. This mark is being implanted onto him again by Tartarus Jr.
Arbiter: Why are you putting the Mark of Shame on me AGAIN!?
Tartarus Jr.: Because, Arbiter...you are...the one.
Arbiter: OK, so if I'm "the one", why are you putting the Mark of Shame on me?
Tartarus Jr.: Because it's part of the script.
Arbiter: Ah, nothing beats the good ol' script, eh?
Tartarus Jr.: You got that right. I had this guy named Joe - he had dreams of becoming an actor. One of his scripts told him to commit suicide, but he didn't do it - now he eats everything out of a silver...huh?
Tartarus Jr. finds that the Arbiter has escaped.
Tartarus Jr.: Darn it! That's the 3rd one this week!
New weapons, vehicles, and multiplayer teams!
A player on the tan team fires a ghost-launching plasma pistol* at a maroon player in a golden banshee**. The ghost and banshee collide and asplode.
*The ghost-launching plasma pistol is a hacked version of a plasma pistol (god knows how they do it) which can launch ghosts instead of plasma bolts.
**The golden banshee was rumored to have popped up on Blood Gulch, but in truth, it never existed. Period.
Dramatic Ending!
Master Chief: You will die, Mr. Arbiter! You will DIE!
Master Chief is sniped by a sniper who was sniping other snipers on the snipes.
Respawn time: 1337 seconds.
And that's all I'm gonna share with you, for surprise's sake.
Fin.