MissChaos
10-24-2005, 08:18 PM
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is God is crying. And if he asks why God is crying another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'"
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."
"I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear."
"Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see."
"Whenever I seen an old lady slip and fall on a wet pavement, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
"Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "WHOA! WHOA!" and flail your arms around like you're going to fall in."
"Instead of having 'answers' on a maths test, they should just call them 'impressions,' and if you got a different 'impression,' so what, can't we all be brothers?"
"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhoea."
"Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets the answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling."
"Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic."
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is God is crying. And if he asks why God is crying another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'"
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."
"I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear."
"Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see."
"Whenever I seen an old lady slip and fall on a wet pavement, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
"Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "WHOA! WHOA!" and flail your arms around like you're going to fall in."
"Instead of having 'answers' on a maths test, they should just call them 'impressions,' and if you got a different 'impression,' so what, can't we all be brothers?"
"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhoea."
"Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets the answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling."
"Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic."
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."