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Blizzard's Pub-More insanity. [Archive] - TrogWorld

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JYAP
08-07-2006, 03:23 PM
Blademaster with Australian Accent: Ahoy mates! T'day we'll be looking into Blizzard's Pub,a place for generic units to hang out and grab a drink! Supposely no heroes are allowed,but I don't care! I got Wind Walk! SUCK IT GOTH BOY!

Demon Hunter: You hurt my feelings!(stabs self)

BAA: Now,we shall enter the pub and see what happens-

ALERT ALERT

BAA: WTF M4TE

Tauren: (motions to the Arcane Tower nearby before crushing him)

Intro aside. Make up a personality for a generic unit(One only)and have him interact with others. This includes WC and SC. I'll start. And remember,NO HEROES!

Grunt: Incredibly fanatical about the horde,ends most of his sentences with FOR THE HORDE! Has this samurai honor thing going on as well.

Troll Headhunter: The local drug dealer. Tries to sell heroin in all sorts of wacky ways(was last seen posing as a bush)but always is thwarted by...

Peon: The typical unaware peon. Messes up Troll's careful calculated attempts at sneaking drug sales in by comically exposing him,usually with a cheerful "Hi Troll!" which attracts...

Tauren: The pub's bouncer. Loves to beat the snot out of Troll for selling heroin. Is pretty dull.

Wind Rider: Always trying to find some way to fly without his wyvern,usually knocking over tables and chairs aplenty with his crazy stuff.

Shaman: The bartender. Helps Tauren out by giving him a good Bloodlust if annoying heroes pop in. Also messes with Witch Doc's head.

Troll Witch Doc(or Witch Doc or just Doc): Attempts to try out new wards. Is baffled by their constant dying 5 seconds after placing them(really Shaman casting Purge on them). Acts like some sort of freaky inventor. Distant relative of Troll Headhunter.

Raider: The irritable guy that loves to annoy Grunt. Being the janitor,he usually is trying to talk Wind Rider out of doing something stupid(No,Wind Rider,a giant fan set to reverse will not propel you into the air.)

Troll Batrider: Wants to blow everything and everyone up. Thankfully the pub and its inhabitants cannot be killed. Usually cooks himself in his explosive chain reactions.

Spirit Wolf: Kept alive by the no-death clause in here,the Wolf's the old codger that spouts off non-stop stories about the time when he rushed this player and that player...

And there you go. Need a bigger example?

Grunt: I want another drink FOR THE HORDE!

Shaman: Fine fine.(adds in sleeping powder)

Grunt: I shall now consume this drink FOR THE HORDE!(gulp)

Shaman: Sucker...

Grunt: FORTHEHORDEFORTHEHORDEFORTHEHORDE!

Shaman: The heck?(checks bottle)Concentrated sugar? Where'd the powder go?

Doc: I'm tryin my new sleeping ward out! Wanna see?(drops one)

Shaman: (purges it)

Doc: Huh? Must need more powder...

Hunter: Psst...wanna buy some stuff?(is disguised as a barrel)

Raider: Erm...got anything to shut up Hordeboy there?

Grunt: FORTHEHORDEFORTHEHORDEFORTHEHORDE!

Hunter: Well,I have-

Peon: Hi Troll!

Hunter: DAMMIT PEON!

Tauren: And what do you think you're doing?

Hunter: Eh heh,funny story...(PULVERIZE'D)

Wind Rider: BEHOLD MY LATEST INVENTION!!!

Raider: A pair of wings made from the skin of your wyvern?

Wind Rider: No,I used your wyvern.

Raider: I don't have one.

Wind Rider: Well whatever. Observe. (jumps off table flapping as hard as he can) I CAN FLY-what's that?(touches a red bottle dangling from the ceiling)

BOOM

Batrider: SCORE!

Wind Rider: MY WINGS ARE ON FIRE! MY WINGS ARE ON FIRE! MY WINGS ARE ON FIRE! MY WINGS-

Wolf: SHADDUP! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO TELL A STORY HERE?!?

Raider: No one's listening...

Wolf: So,as I was saying,there we were,2 grunts,Jimmy the Fang,and me,against a measly 3 ghouls...

Raider: Grumble.

Protoss119
08-07-2006, 10:06 PM
The Confederate Cometh!

The Confederate - A ghost. Likes to shoot everything. EVERYTHING. Good thing he's got a cloak, too, because Tauren prolly won't like him. Is also a D&D fanatic & likes Corsairs, which he says makes "pretty blue swirleys" referring to the Neutron Flare. That Neutron Flare kicks ass, BTW.

Confederate: Mwehehehehe...~shots Wolf & cloaks~

JYAP
08-08-2006, 08:42 AM
No interaction? Meh...

Serpent Ward: Wolf's rival in rushing. Likes to debate Wolf's accuracy in his stories,often by yelling OBJECTION! and slamming his head into the table he's planted next to. It does indeed hurt.

Footman: Your average must-kill-tier-one-orcs footman. Naturally has a grudge against Grunt,but loses in every fight they have.

Priest: The sarcastic guy that always has to heal everyone from their crazy injuries. Usually stuck with Hunter and Batrider...

Peasant: The mild-mannered peasant. When angered,he transforms into...

Militia: MILITIA SMASH! Militia likes to think he's strong and arm-wrestle Tauren. Priest doesn't like him that much...

Footman: I challenge you Grunt! No holds barred!

Raider: Dude,you're on a 24-duel losing streak. 25 is a bad number.

Footman: Shaddup!

Grunt: I accept FOR THE HORDE!

Shaman: On my count. 3 2 1 GO!(starts duel music)

Footman: YARRRR!(jumps and slashes)

THUNK!

Footman: WTF? My sword is stuck in the roof!(is dangling from the roof)

Grunt: (smashes the blunt side of his axe in between Footman's legs)

Footman: O_O...(falls,sword still stuck up there)

Grunt: Victory FOR THE HORDE!

Shaman: Wind Rider,could you grab that? Wait...what am I thinking?

Wind Rider: Look! I have a personal helicopter now!

Shaman: This won't end well.

Raider: You're telling me.

Wind Rider: (pulls ripcord,starts to gain liftoff)

BLAM

Wind Rider: (one of his blades is shot out and he flies out of control and slams into Peasant and about 6 tables)

Peasant: Grr...MILITIA SMASH!

Tauren: I'll handle this.

Militia: MOVE IT PUNY TAUREN! OR I SHALL PUMMEL YOU!

Tauren: (flicks Militia,sending him flying into Footman's sword,which falls on Doc's new ward)

Hunter: Hey...you wanna buy something to improve your aim?(is disguised as a tree...yes,a tree)

Ghost(Confederate is too long): (is cloaked) Something to make me faster?

Hunter: I got-

Peon: Hi Hunter! Hi Ghost!

Ghost: But I'm friggin cloaked!

Tauren: (is stomping over)

Hunter: Yeah. Don't ask,it's like he has permanent true sight.

PULVERIZE'D

Wolf: So after the first wave, me,about 5 grunts,a demolisher,and some troll support that was unnessacary-

Serpent: OBJECTION! Those trolls saved your ass!

Wolf: We had to meatshield for your trolls and your wards!

Serpent: We did more than you ever will!

Raider: Shut the hell up before I tell Tauren you guys are dealing drugs.

Halfwingseen
08-08-2006, 01:47 PM
would just like to point out that a footman is better than a grunt period no way around it and that is all.

Protoss119
08-08-2006, 02:29 PM
Dude, if it makes it easier, just call him Confed.

Confed: Damn trolls...Damn bouncers just pulverizing me for talking...Damn grunt...I wanna SHOOT THEM ALL! ~shoots everything, then realizes Tauren will most likely come after him~ ...Meep! ~attempts to shoot him in the eye~

JYAP
08-08-2006, 03:23 PM
Peon: Hi Hunter!

Tauren: (goes to pulverize Hunter,making Confed miss)

JYAP
08-08-2006, 03:29 PM
And Wing,1v1,footman<grunt.

Footie has medium armor,normal attack,about 550 HP,and inferior damage to the grunt. Defend won't help.

Grunt has 800 HP,better damage,bonus damage from his weapon type,and heavy armor to negate Footie's normal attack.

Halfwing,1 grunt>1 non-grunt tier-one unit. Accept it.

Protoss119
08-08-2006, 05:46 PM
Confed: DAMMIT! ~shoots wherever Hunter's at about 500 times before panting for a few seconds & repeats~

Halfwingseen
08-08-2006, 06:10 PM
And Wing,1v1,footman<grunt.

Footie has medium armor,normal attack,about 550 HP,and inferior damage to the grunt. Defend won't help.

Grunt has 800 HP,better damage,bonus damage from his weapon type,and heavy armor to negate Footie's normal attack.

Halfwing,1 grunt>1 non-grunt tier-one unit. Accept it.


oh how wrong let me count thy ways.
A. footie ggets heavy armor 600 hp and 12-13 damage 12-13 isnt much bet it attacks more than grunts (Neglectible difference.)
B. a footie starst with 8% reduct of all damage (Also neglectible and ignoring the grunt's armor.)
C. a foot is produced more than 50% faster (That's why the grunts are 3 food. They're worth more.)
D. A foot is 65 gold cheaper (See above.)
E. a barrack is constructed 20% faster then add aid of 1 othe rvillager for double build speed which makes it 140% faster (Eats up your resources faster.)
F. grunts severely killed by ranged attacks (While footies turn into hopping tin cans in terms of movement,letting everyone run circles around it.)
G. Defend > berserker in the long run (Till they shove a ton of melee into your face.)
H. getting 48% reduct at full upgrade > then 34% reduct by a whopping 14% (Heavy>Medium. Grunt keeps armor edge by not being vulnerable to melee.)
I. the overall damage ifferent not inclusing attack speed at full upgrades a footie is 5 damage behind a grunt that 5 damage WILL be reduced :) (So will the footie's smaller damage.)
J: a footie attacks .3 seconds faster which is 15 of grunts speed which making basically 15% more dmaage reducing ur reduction by 15% more. (Right...it doesn't reduce reduction. It's how the footie can HOPE to stay competitive.)
K. 34-15<48%\17%<48% (I'm sorry,this is supposed to make sense?)
L. for LOSER im a LOSER for thinking footies are better than grunts (Fixed it for you.)
M. a grunt with a TC ( ur str hero ) vs a footie with a pally footie wins (Footie gets two chances at life and a ton of HP. The TC responds by smashing the pally into the dirt. Footie loses support,and Footie loses.)
N. that M was probabaly pointless just saying pally better than TC (Which he ain't,in that scenario.)
O.humans own (Orcs are cooler. Plus,that comment is racist. I'll see you in court!)
P. lets move on to tauren massing as a orc strat (Irrelevant. Horribly.)
Q. one of the best melee units is made frail and weak by sorcs (Irrelevant.)
R. polymorph a tauren and hes down for the count (IRRELEVANT!)
T. slow a tauren hes down for the count (BLOODY IRRELEVANT!)
U. dispel bloodlust and your units are pathetic (SINCE WHEN DOES GRUNT>FOOTIE INVOLVE TAUREN AND SORCS?!?)
V. inner fire on my footies makes them have 56% reduct and deal as much damage as a grunt (Bloodlust increases the attack speed enough to counteract that bonus. But it's irrelevant.)
W. you think about summoning your wolves or using a stasis trap or healing ward and i will control it (You ever see me use a Far Seer nowadays? Also irrelevant.)
X. feedback > heroes (If I need to say it again...)
Y. you cannot rush a human except with a long disable hero E.G> KOTG (Au contraire,I have. With a firelord. In a 2v2. For the last time,IRRELEVANT.)
Z. i got the alphabet on my side bitch ^^ (Try the Greek alphabet. All the points in this one were countered or irrelevant'd.)

(Didn't feel like replying,so I edited your post. Lawl. -JYAP)

JYAP
08-08-2006, 07:14 PM
I'm too lazy to refute all that. So hah.

JYAP
08-10-2006, 01:48 PM
Now that I look upon that,about everything from L on down is unrelated or pure crap. Halfwing,the alphabet will betray you. Very soon...

Hunter: You-BLARGH!(falls over with 500 bullet wounds)

Priest: Goddamn!

A giant quake starts to occur.

Priest: Err,I mean damn! No God in it!

The quake subsides.

Peasant: So you can incur God's wrath by saying Goddamn?

The quake starts again.

Priest: He didn't mean the God part!

The quake stops.

Priest: Now be quiet. (heals Hunter)

Peasant: NO ONE TELL ME TO BE QUIET! MILITIA SMASH!

BOOM

Batrider: My new potion works! It lights the targets facial hair on fire!

Militia: MY BEARD IS ON FIRE! MY BEARD IS ON FIRE! MY BEARD IS ON FIRE!

Shaman: Grunt,hand me the bucket of water.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!(accidently grabs the conveniently placed bucket of burning oil)

Shaman: (throws it on Militia)

Militia: (has now turned into a giant flame running around in circles)

Peon: Oooooooh...ahhhhh...ohhhhhh...oh,hey Confed! Nice shot on Hunter!

Tauren: No shooting people more than 499 times. (PULVERIZE'D)

Protoss119
08-10-2006, 10:38 PM
~Confed zooms through the Soul Calibur II strategy guide & learns the poke of death which he uses at the last second on Tauren~

JYAP
08-11-2006, 07:53 AM
(except Wolf wrote that and it doesn't do anything)

Protoss119
08-11-2006, 02:24 PM
~Confed ends up with his head on backwards~

Confed: Hey Peon...mind helping me with my head?

~As soon as Peon does this (assuming he will), Confed head-butts him~

JYAP
08-12-2006, 04:27 AM
(Hunter observes this)
(Confed smashes part of his skull on Peon)
Hunter: Don't bother. He's freakin invulnerable.

Peon: Hunter,no cursing.

Tauren: (PULVERIZE'D)

Protoss119
08-12-2006, 06:52 AM
Confed: Now you tell me...~dazed for 1dpie rounds~...eh...I told you, my name is Duran! DURAN!

~No it isn't~

JYAP
08-12-2006, 03:03 PM
New dude!

Kodo Beast: Friggin hungry. Eats everything and would eat everyone had they not had innate Resistant Skin. Also very irritating.

Raider: Shaman?

Shaman: Yes?

Raider: We need more Starcraft dudes. Confed just can't keep himself away from Tauren.

Shaman: Indeed. I'll send out an ad. (MORE SC!)

Raider: And some of the others have been very inactive lately. Have you used some sleeping powder? (Protoss,you can mess with the others too. Go ahead.)

Shaman: After what happened earlier? HELL NO!

Kodo: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Raider: (points at Footman)

Footman: Huh what?

Kodo: FOOOOOOOOOD!(charges Footman)

Footman: EEEEEEP!

Halfwingseen
08-12-2006, 03:47 PM
-.- boooooooooorrrrriiiiiiinnnnnngggggggggggg

Protoss119
08-12-2006, 04:31 PM
~Confed looks at the Kodo beast~

Confed: Hmm...

Kodo Beast: FOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!1111one

~Confed points at Peon~

Kodo Beast: FOOOOOOOD! ~rushes Peon~

Confed: That's one down...

JYAP
08-12-2006, 07:18 PM
If it's so boring why don't you contribute Wing?

Peon: (is gulped) Hi Confed! Why'd you'd tell Kodo I'm food?

(you know the drill)

Halfwingseen
08-12-2006, 07:57 PM
oh this reminds me of a story......i kodo teched some poor soul.. i got 12 kodos and a SH with voodoo and i voodo'd and the kodo ran and devoured all the villagers and then we ran away and kept repeating that lol it owne dbcause he could get hno reasources and eventually withered and died

JYAP
08-12-2006, 08:40 PM
LAWLMAO. This is why I like you. That and you're the most active buddy on.

Halfwingseen
08-12-2006, 08:47 PM
booya *points* ^^ dont get me started on the time i used a single rushed frosty and 2 wands of illusion to force a guy to FF

JYAP
08-13-2006, 04:43 AM
I read about such incidents. Those were shameful.

Halfwingseen
08-13-2006, 08:44 AM
if YOU ssee 9 frosties coming at your base while ur researching tier 3 and your army jjust failed horribly in an attack.
what would u do. ( ur currently reving ur hero )

JYAP
08-13-2006, 05:56 PM
Well I usually wait till my base is almost dead before I leave and deny its existence. So when I see only 1 frostie doing damage,I know something's up.

Halfwingseen
08-13-2006, 06:40 PM
illusions of frosties also freeze things so u can freeze their entire base while around 6 ghouls eat u alive how shameful fo a death is that ^^

JYAP
08-14-2006, 07:14 AM
Not shameful for me cause illusions don't gain any special abilities that work. You see BM images criting but it doesn't do anything. If I see a frostie freeze my building with no real damage,something's up.

Raider: Halfwing,participate in the fun already. Geez.

Protoss119
08-14-2006, 10:31 AM
I got stuck in the parking lot of Busch Gardens with a flat tire yesterday. We got out of it.

Oooh, and right now, I see some guy's desktop on Channel 3 on the TV.

Confed: DANGIT ALL! BECAUSE I-

~head is turned inside out resembling something of a Zerg~

Confed: ...I need a new gun...

JYAP
08-14-2006, 10:59 AM
Hunter: Hey,you-

Confed: Hey Tauren! Hunter's selling me drugs even though I don't want it!

Hunter: Damn you!(PULVERIZE'D)

The door to the pub opens to reveal...

Zealot: EN TARO ADUN!(points at Grunt)

Grunt: LOK'TAR OGAR!(points at Zealot)

Footman: Uhh...For Lordaeron?(points at someone)

Western showdown music plays as Zealot and Grunt stare each other down.

Raider: START THE MATCH ALREADY!

Zealot charges with a swipe at Grunt's head,who ducks and counters with a fierce blow with his axe. Zealot stumbles backwards before attempting a scissor slash that sends Grunt flying into a wine rack. Grunt grabs a bottle and chucks it at Zealot before tackling him into a table,knocking over Footman.

Footman: What did I do?

Footman bashes Zealot with his shield and tries to strike down Grunt,who trips him then body slams him. Stealing his shield,Grunt fends off Zealot's psi blade attacks long enough to deliver a powerful axe blow to the head that knocks out Zealot.

Shaman: This game's winner is...GRUNT!

New char.

Zealot: Protoss version of Grunt. Whenever the two are around an epic fight occurs.

Protoss119
08-14-2006, 11:49 AM
Confed: Ah shaddup! ~shoots Grunt thrice~

Zealot: ~somehow revitalized~ You, Terran!

Confed: Who are you calling Terran, Terran?!

Zealot: You are an enemy of the Conclave! You must die!

Confed: Like hell I will.

-=BATTLE?!=-

Confed grabs a Gauss Rifle & opens fire at Zealot, who matrix dodges & leaps into the air at Confed. Confed grabs his C-10 Rifle & shoots Zealot in the privates. The bullet just bounces off harmlessly.

Zealot: You fool! We have technology to protect our privates so no low blows can occur!

Confed: Oooh! Can I see?

Zealot: No! ~skewers Confed's privates with psi blades~

-=YROTCIV=-

A mysterious figure comes through the door in a cloak.

Tauren: It wasn't raining.

???: Shhhhh.

Peon: Hi Blade! Nice cloak!

Reptilon Blademaster (From Zeji Conversion of SC (www.campaigncreations.org)): I am not one for conversation! Begone!

Tauren: No cloaks.

Reptilon Blademaster: But it makes me look mysterious!

Tauren: I said no cloaks.

Blade: I shall duel for my right to have a cloak!

-=BATTLE=-

Blade unsheaths & brandishes his monosword.

Tauren: -_-

~PULVERIZED~

Blade's sword falls out of his hand while he's pulverized & lands in his stomach.

New Char:

Reptilon Blademaster (Or Blade for short): Obsessed with looking mysterious. Kicks arse with a blade, but is no match for Tauren. Feels like he has a right to wear a cloak.

EDIT: Link's not working. I'll try again later.

JYAP
08-14-2006, 04:06 PM
Shaman: So Doc,what do you have now?

Doc: I have a ward that grants teleportation to heroes!

Shaman: No.

Doc: TOO BAD!(uses it)

Purge'd.

Doc: Why do my wards keep asploding?

Batrider: ASPLOSIONS! WHERE?!?

Shaman: (points at the newcomer)

Infested Terran: Huh?

Batrider: ASPLODE!!!(kamikazes into IT,knocking both out)

Priest: Goddamn-(RUMBLE)...damn idiots injuring themselves...

Zergling: (unburrows) WHEEEEEEEEEE!

Shaman: Who gave Ling the sugar?

Ling: (is now bouncing all over the place and knocks Wind Rider off of his flying chariot,which crashes into Grunt who falls off his chair FOR THE HORDE!)

Hydralisk: (burrows in corner before someone sees him with the stolen sugar)

New dudes.

Infested Terran: Known as IT. Is usually in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Zergling: Zergling(or Ling)is like the equivelent of a Zerg with ADD. So keep him away from sugar and everything will be fine...

Hydralisk: Keeping his sadistic tones from his earlier appearances,Hydralisk loves to make everyone miserable. It helps that Ling's sugar rushes are insanely destructive.

HOWEVER!

Outside the pub...

???: Is everything in place?

???2: Indeed. Let battle be joined!

(sirens go off inside the tavern which makes Ling panic and bounce around some more)

Raider: What the hell's going on?

Shaman: Enemy hero group closing in! There's about 100 of them and they got altars! Man the towers!

The pub goes into defense mode with spikes bristling out of it and towers of all kinds popping out of nowhere.

Grunt: (jumps into a tower)FOR THE HORDE!!!!!!!!!(fires repeatedly at the hero swarm)

Shadow Hunter: BLARGH!(shot in head 23 times,does a split before dying)

Lich: (arrows go through harmlessly) Ha ha ha-(asploded)

Footman: Take that you undead abomination!

Abomination: You called? Oh look,heroes! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (charges into swarm)

Death Knight: I am your master! OBEY!

Ghoul: (jumps out of hole on Abomination's stomach,bites off Death Knight's face)

Shaman: We got a secret weapon...

Raider: Use it you noob!

Shaman: Fine. Abom,Ghoul,pull back!

Abom+Ghoul: Awww.(pull back)

Shaman: And...NOW!

Sieged Siege Tank of much Sieging: (dropped in by Dropship) JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(turret is spinning rapidly while shooting just as fast)

(stops here so Toss can add stuff)

Halfwingseen
08-14-2006, 08:01 PM
Archer: Calm and collected Seemingly always hit on by DoTC
Huntress: Like archer only blood thirsty and very annoyed
Dryad: often yells random things and then looks around to see if anyone cares about her
Druid of the Claw ( DoTC) turns into a bear to impress archer and basically just assists in healing ...shouts constantly
Mountain giant: hired to aid Tauren usually taunts people before tauren pulverizes
Sorceress: gets away with whatever she wants is the supplier of the Slow sold by hunter but tauren cannot do a thing because if he attempts to come over he is turned into a giant sheep which is why mountain giant was hired. for now she laws low in invis form and treats peon very well providing him with mutton so that he tries not to be completely dumb around her
there i helped your pathetic little thread

Protoss119
08-14-2006, 08:18 PM
Confed: Bloody hell. F*** this damn tower.

Blade: Agreed. I can do nothing except wear a cloak!

~Awkward silence & lack of movement~

Blade: ...of which I do not have right now...

~battle resumes~

Zealot: ~psi-blading heroes rapidly~ FOR AI- ~hit by Sieged Siege Tank of Much Sieging~ OW!

Confed: Friendly fire much?

Blade is mopping the floor with the Lich who keep on summoning undead to get cut down by his monosword.

Blade: ~makes Covenant Elite laughing sound~ Wort Wort Wort-

Suddenly, a fireball hits him & he is sent around the world & back...

Blade: I'm alive!

...with a cloak on him.

Tauren: No cloaks.

Blade: OH FOR FU- ~PULVERIZE'D~

Meanwhile...

Batrider is randomly looking around the battlefield when he spots a Terran Missile Turret.

Batrider: ...muahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE MOTHER OF BLOWING-UP STUFF! ~gets in, starts firing @ swarm of heroes~

Parallel-Universe Grunt: FOR THE HOR- ~blown to smithereens~

Firelord: I'm immune to fire idiot.

Adjutant: WARNING: Missile Count: -666

Satan: MUAHAHAHAHA-

Alpha comes by & demon-launchers him back to the hell from whence he came.

Satan: WTF H4XX0RS ZOMGJ

Anyway...

Adjutant: Negative number of missiles reached. Imploding.

Batrider: OHCRAPI'MGONNADIEohwaitIcan'tdieBUTIT'SSTILLGONNAH URT!!!!!

The missile turret implodes.

Back at the battlefield...

Confed is firing a crossover between a Battle Rifle & a Halo 2 Shotgun. The result is something that works like a Battle Rifle but a burst of 3-Shotgun shells.

Confed: Mwehehehehehe! This is fun!

Firelord: -_- ~changes the type of shells in Confed's gun to Elephant shells~

Confed: ~tries to fire...~

KA-BLAM

JYAP
08-15-2006, 07:08 AM
Meanwhile...

Ghoul: (is biting off the face of an Archmage)

Archmage: OH GODDAMN YOU-

RUMBLE!

Ghoul: (leaps off as an earthquake is triggered,causing a crack in the ground that swallows the archmage and some others)

Blademaster: Hah! You cannot withstand my storm of blades!(Bladestorms)

Abomination: O RLY?(Bladestorms)

The two crash into each other like tops before Abom knocks Blademaster into the swarm,dealing major damage.

Then all of a sudden a Hatchery appears complete with spawning pool and 150 spare minerals. You know what that means!

Ling: ZERG RUSH GO!

Hydra: WAIT!

The lings slow to a stop.

Hydra: Forgot something.(gives them all sugar)Now go.

The lings are bouncing around all over the place tearing apart random heroes.

Pit Lord: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

The pub defenders all gain 25% bonus damage.

Mountain King: STOP USING ROAR! IT'S HOWL OF TERROR!(face shot off by Hydra)

Priest: (has healed Confed in the meantime and given him his C4 Canister Rifle)There's a nuclear silo out back.

Confed: Really? AWESOME!

Crypt Fiend: (unburrows,webs Tinker,pulls him close,then burrows with him)

Carrion Beetles: (were underground too,eat Tinker alive)

At the towers...

Grunt: (has ran out of arrows)(then sees a shiny new tower)FOR THE HORDE!(jumps in)

Grunt is now in a prototype Multishot tower.

Grunt: LOK'TAR OGAR!(opens fire almost as fast as Ling and his brethren are cutting through,hitting all sorts of people with arrows)

Sieged Siege Tank of Sieging: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(still shooting)

Hydra: Shaman,can I use your radio?

Shaman: Ok,but why?

Hydra: (various zerg speak)

Overlord: (flies by,drops 2 infested reavers)

Zealot: An abomination to Aiur!

Abomination: What about me to Aiur?(meat hook has a Paladin on it)

The reavers fire.

BOOM

The swarm is down to a Demon Hunter,a Blood Mage,a Keeper of the Grove,a Crypt Lord,and a Pandaren Brewmaster.

Blood Mage: Take that!(banish) And that!(banish) And some of this!(banish) And even more of that!(banish) DIE!!!

One of the reavers shoots him. Blood flies everywhere.

Keeper of the Grove: Try hitting me now!(has entangled Abom,Ghoul,and Ling's rush)

Hydra: Gladly. (shoots his wooden arm off)

Keeper of the Grove: OW! THAT'S MY CASTING HAND!

The spells wear off promptly. Murder much.

Crypt Lord: (has raised some beetles to fend off Ling's rush)

Sieged Siege Tank of Sieging: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(fires at Crypt Lord,blowing him to pieces and killing the beetles with splash damage)

Pandaren Brewmaster: FOR PANDORIA! (throws a beer bottle into the fray)

Ghoul: (intercepts it,feeds it to Kodo)

Kodo: (drunk) FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!(eats Pandaren Brewmaster)

Demon Hunter: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME!(plays his gothic music)

Everyone stops just to cover their ears from the horror. It's so bad,the overlord has to withdraw the reavers before they malfunction. The Sieged Siege Tank of Sieging's turret locks up. Zealot's Psi Blades deactivate. Yeah.

Demon Hunter: BWAHAHAHAHAHA-

Confed: Somebody call for an exterminator?

HEADSHOT

Victory!

New dudes.

Abomination: Appears during raids. Carries Ghoul in the space he has in his stomach and usually brawls with the big guys.

Ghoul: Appears during raids. Leaps out from Abom for surprise attacks. Likes biting faces off.

Crypt Fiend: Appears during raids. Kills opponents by burrowing with them.

Meanwhile,in the bar...

Hunter: Hey,you wanna buy a cigar?(disguised as Hydra)

Hydra: What the hell?

Peon: Hi Hunter!

Hunter: Quick Sorc,polymorph Tauren! He hurts!

Sorc: POLYMORPH!

Tauren: (pulverizes Sorc)

Hunter: WTF?(sees a necklace on Tauren's neck) Aw shi-(PULVERIZE'D)

Halfwingseen
08-15-2006, 02:24 PM
JYAP the point of sorc ws that mountain gaint would need to be hired because mountain giants are morphed for 5 not 60 seconds thus the mountain giant and eliminate the sorc and not tauren XD

JYAP
08-15-2006, 03:11 PM
I know. I just don't feel like using MG right now. :P

Protoss119
08-15-2006, 07:16 PM
New Character.

Xaax the Defiler: Having been pulled out of the Zeji Conversion for some unknown reason, Xaax thinks he has control over Hydra & Ling (but doesn't). Known to spam Dark Swarm to get away from Tauren since nobody can really hurt Zerg under Dark Swarm.

~something bursts through the door~

???: Gah! Terrans & Protoss! You two!

Hydra: Yeah?

???: KILL THEM IN MY NAME, XAAX!

Hydra: Why?

Xaax: Because you are under my control! My mutation has made me Cerebrate-like!

Hydra: We can't kill anything in he-

Ling: I CALL PROTOSS!

In mere seconds, Ling is all over Zealot, hitting him every 0.00000000000001 seconds.

Zealot: For Ai- OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWO WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

After only too much of this, the Zealot disintegrates.

Hydra: ...

Confed: ...

Tauren: ...

Xaax: ...

Batrider: ...

Wind Rider: ...

Blade: ...

Wolf: ...

Fox: I'm in the scene! ~smote~

Raider: ...

...and reintegrates again.

Hydra: I KNEW IT!

Xaax: KILL HIM!

Hydra: You idio-

Ling: I CALL PROTOSS!

Same thing happens. Zealot disintegrates, awkward silence, Fox gets smote, Zealot reintegrates.

Xaax: How is this happening?!

Hydra: You can't kill people in the pub.

Xaax: Preposterous! Watch!

Xaax tries to consume Hydra but phails horribly.

Tauren: No consuming people.

Hydra: XAAX! YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER!

Xaax starts to spam Dark Swarm.

Tauren: Where'd he go?

Meanwhile...

Zealot: Argh...my life for Aiur...

Blade: You!

Zealot: You!

Blade: You are an enemy of the Mekani Alliance!

Zealot: You are an enemy of the Conclave!

Blade & Zealot: YOU MUST DIE!

-=BATTLE?!=-

Blade: For the glory of the empire!

Zealot: For Aiur!

Both unsheath their blades/psi blades & fight to the death.

Hour 1 of the Battle

Xaax: Is it safe?

Hydra: No.

Hour 2 of the Battle

Wolf: ...and then there was this time that-

Raider: You fool! There's an awesome battle going on! What makes you think that anyone will listen to you?!

Xaax: ...now is it safe to come out?

Hydra: No.

Hour 3 of the Battle

Hunter: Psst.

Confed: TAUREN!

Hunter: DAMN YOU- ~PULVERIZE'D~

Xaax: Now is it-

Hydra: No.

Hour 4 of the Battle

Batrider is placing mines everywhere around Zealot & Blade.

Batrider: Hehehehehehehehehehehe...~presses button~

KA-BLAM

...Batrider blows himself up.

Blade: You cannot win! I have splash damage!

Zealot: My life for Aiur! En taro Adun!

Muslim Zealot: ~barges into the battlefield~ My life for Allah! En taro Mohammad- ~hit by splash damage from Blade's monosword~

Hydra: No.

Xaax: DAMMIT!

Hour 5 of the Battle

All of a sudden, both combatants skewer each others privates & fall unsubconsious.

Everyone save for Wolf: Awwwww.

Raider: That battle was freaking awesome!

Peon: Hi Confed! Awesome battle, wasn't it?

Tauren comes crashing by.

Confed: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHI- ~PULVERIZE'D~

...

Hydra: I think it's safe to come out now. It's the end of Toss's chapter.

Xaax: HAHA! I WIN- ~PULVERIZE'D by Force Fist Throw~

Hydra: Must kill Jeedai! ~PULVERIZE'D~

JYAP
08-15-2006, 07:59 PM
You're making me look bad.

Footman: GRUNT! I CHALLENGE YOU ONCE MORE!

Raider: We've established that Grunt>You in physical combat.

Footman: Shut up. I propose a game of...MORTAL TETRIS!

Grunt: I accept FOR THE HORDE!

Shaman: (gets the Tetris games out)

GO!

Grunt: (gets a Tetris 5 times)

Footman: (has the skills of JYAP at Tetris)

67 seconds later,Grunt wins.

Then there's a rumbling.

Priest: I checked. No one used God's name in vain.

Raider: Goddamn it.

The rumbling increases to the point where Infested Terran falls in a hole that was created in the pub by the quake.

IT: WHEEEEEE-

Priest: He was just kidding!

The rumbling returns to normal,crushing IT,who respawns paralyzed next to Wolf and Serpent,who is objecting like a madman...or Edgeworth.

Lurker: (unburrows) Guys! I-

Hydra: You burrowed to China,aggravated the Communists,and now they're hunting you down with giant drillbots cause you make giant holes when you burrow.

Lurker: Oh can it you jackass. What happened was I burrowed to China,aggravated the Communists,and now they're hunting me down with giant drillbots cause I make giant holes when I burrow.

Hydra: THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!

Lurker: I couldn't hear you over the drillbot emerging from under you.

Hydra: OH SHI-(drill bursts up,flinging Hydra into the ceiling and knocking down Wind Rider's new Skysticker)

Wind Rider: A drill! I could harnest its powers for amazing flying capability!

DISCLAIMER: The views of Wind Rider are not the views of any sane being.

Anyhoo,Wind Rider is trying to dismantle the drillbot. Unfortunately,holding onto the drill while it's spinning is not how you remove the drill.

Tauren: (pulverizes the damn thing,hitting Hunter with the splash)

Hunter: (falls out of his disguise: the Sieged Siege Tank of Sieging) BLARGH!

Mountain Giant: Weird bird-orc be funny. (claps his hands stupidly)

Wind Rider: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Tauren: Just rip out the drill.

MG: Oh-kay. (rips out the drill with Wind Rider hanging on it)

Wind Rider: Put me down!

MG: Oh-kay. (drops Wind Rider down Lurker's hole,drill and all)

Shaman: ...

Raider: Hey Batrider!

Batrider: Yes?

Raider: If you drop exactly 57 explosive potions down that hole and fly into there in a kamakazi rush,you'll make the biggest explosive potion of all time.

Batrider: YAY!(does so)

Hydra: Lurker,seal the hole.

Lurker: (does so)

Shaman: Guys...

Raider: We're only having fun! What's the worst thing that could happen?

A muffled explosion is heard.

Raider: >_>

Wind Rider: (respawns with Batrider,both extra crispy) I lost my drill...waaah...

Xaax: QUICK YOU FOOL KILL HIM!

Hydra: Shut up-

Ling: DIE DIE DIE!(leaps on Wind Rider claws outstretched)

I'll leave off here...

New dude.

Lurker: Burrows. Alot. Makes big holes. Alot. Hydra gets annoyed with him and is embarrassed at the fact they're related.

Protoss119
08-15-2006, 08:28 PM
<:-(>

</:-(>

JYAP
08-16-2006, 05:10 AM
What? You're getting so good I'm looking bad. I need to outperform you now.

Protoss119
08-16-2006, 06:45 AM
Oh. I thought I sucked for a moment. Hell, I consider you superior when it comes to this stuff. The student has outperformed the master, maybe?

...OH CRAP!

~rushed by Yoshis, Kirbies, Zerg, & Undead Zerg~

JYAP
08-16-2006, 07:49 AM
You put all kinds of thought into what you type. I just go with random insanity and stuff. But anyways.

Shaman: Red alert!

Star Trek sirens go off and the pub's shields activate.

Raider: What,is this the Enterprise?

The pub lifts off.

Raider: And I suppose there's hostile heroes trying to destroy the pub too.

All sorts of enemy ships close in on the pub.

Footman: Raider,shut up.

Raider: Make me you tin can.

WAR!

Footman charges at Raider. Raider dismounts.

Footman: The heck?

Raider: SIC HIM FIDO!

Raider's wolf jumps on Footman and attacks with the ferocity of 10 men.

VICTORY!

Shaman: All hands to battle stations. All hands to battle stations.

The pub's patrons all climb to the roof,where various turrets for the melee people are available.

Zealot: (is using a nifty double-barreled Photon Cannon) EN TARO ADUN!

Grunt: (in a watch tower with arrow-launching minigun) LOK'TAR OGAR!

Footman: (has pried off the wolf and jumped into a modified cannon tower that uses a flak cannon instead) For Lordaeron!...we need a new battle cry.

Shaman: All fliers take off now!

Wind Rider: This battle is perfect to test out my new invention!

Shaman: You're riding your wyvern.

Wind Rider: Exactly! I tamed a wyvern to help me fly!

Shaman: You've always rode a wyvern.

Wind Rider: Then why is this new? Huh?

Shaman: Whatever.

Hydra: Muta,I don't give a flip about your damn poker game! Get the hell over here!

Mutalisk: This is why everyone hates you Hydra. (flies over to assist)

Raider: We're vastly outnumbered in air units. Shaman,could you call some people in?

Shaman: Done.

Corsair: It is a good day to die.(shot down,crashes and burns)

Take 2.

Corsair: It is a good day-(slams into Wind Rider,crashes and burns)

Take 3.

Corsair: It is a good day to die.(Grunt shoots the fuel tank with an arrow by accident FOR THE HORDE,and the corsair crashes and burns)

Take 4:

Corsair: Screw it. GO GO GO!

Corsair leads his fellow Corsairs into the fray.

LET BATTLE BE JOINED!

And there's problems already. Grunt's minigun jams up about 30 shots in. He's getting Shaman to fix it. Meanwhile,a Wraith is on Wind Rider's tail.

Paladin inside Wraith: I have you now. </Vader>

Batrider: WHEEEEEE!(intercepts,explodes into the Paladin's Wraith)

Paladin: The hell?(explodes)

Batrider: (respawns)WHEEEEEEEEEE!(crashes into someone else,respawns)WHEEEEEEEE!(you get the idea)

Generic Corsair: Fox! Get this guy off me!(distress signals flash on Mutalisk's HUD)

Mutalisk: (shoots the Corsair,splashing his Glave Wurm off him and into his pursuers)

Generic Corsair: Thanks Fox! I thought I was a goner!

Mutalisk: (shoots the Corsair again,making him fly right into Footman's flak cannon's fire)

Corsair: Dammit Muta! They're noobs,but do you have to frag my force?(Neutron Flares an Archmage)

Mutalisk: Well why not?

Zealot: (firing like a madman) EN TARO ADUN! (pummels down a load of heroes)

System Display: Warning: Overload imminent.

Zealot: EN TARO ADUN!(still shooting)

The cannon explodes on Zealot,knocking him down.

I would type more but I have a writer's block. I'm gonna play WC to get rid of it.

Protoss119
08-16-2006, 03:59 PM
Meh. I suppose it is a comeback considering the horrible setback of the Star Fox competition, of which Booming Voice is wholly to blame. But then of course, had I not met you back at EW, I would have a helluva lot more fics like that.

Xaax: I will not deal with this! Go forth, my minions!

KUKULZA RUSH! In mere moments, a bunch of enemy ships are shot down. Meanwhile, Confed is flying with a jetpack firing his Battle Rifle/Shotgun crossover at a nearby BC.

Confed: DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!!!! ~shot by BC, fried~

Noob: Were loozing shiips! Z00mg!

Noob 2: His noobishness General_Grievous666 demands an update!

Noob: Teel hem te god news. We is loozing shiips an ar ab00t to di.

General_Grievous666: ~hidden in shadow~ YOU FOOL! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WINNING!

Noob: Uhhh...so?

General_Grievous666: STOP LOSING & WIN!

Noob: Oky!

Meanwhile...

Priest: Goddamn...~rumble~...err, damn everyone getting wounded all the time...~heals Confed~

Confed: That's it! ~fires rapid-fire Lockdown missiles at noob fleet, freezing them~

Lurker burrows through the BC that fried Confed & messes up a bunch of stuff, including HP, Damage, Armor, etc.

New stats for BC:

HP: Was 3000, now 30
Armor: Was 20, now 2
Damage: Was 200, now 2

Meanwhile, Blade is in a tower firing swords a la Gauntlet II for NES. One of the swords goes through the cockpit of an enemy wraith & hits a noob.

Noob Pilot: I'm OK! ...owowowowowowowowowowowowowow...~dies of blood loss~

JYAP
08-16-2006, 07:40 PM
Hydra: Stand back everyone!

Raider: The hell?

Hydra: FIRE!

The new prototype Zergling Cannon is shot at an enemy carrier with Ling as the ammo.

Ling: (is sugar high,caffeine high,and stim pack high) KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL! (VROOM)

Crypt Fiend: Howdy!

Raider: (shmacks Fiend) "Howdy!" is so old it ain't funny.

Fiend: The place is surrounded by a river right?

Raider: Yes...

Fiend: And the enemies are over the river,right?

Raider: ON WITH IT!

Fiend: (webs a interceptor)

Noob inside: Wheee,I'm falling-(falls in river where rabid Naga Myrmidons rip him apart)

Raider: You're a goddamn genius.

RUMBLE

Raider: Without the adjective!

Sieged Siege Tank of much Sieging: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (falls from the sky on something important,and it ain't the pub)

Halfwingseen
08-17-2006, 02:23 PM
Naga Royal Gard: NRG for short the most overpowered unit in the game possibly the best non hero unit ever occasionally appears to help shaman with any issues in the pub usually accompanied by a sea elemental

JYAP
08-17-2006, 04:08 PM
Royal Guard is insanely overpowered. Crushing Wave,Frost Bolt,Summon Sea Elemental(Water Elemental on steroids and with cool spike pads),1000+ HP AND Chaos damage with a 50+ attack? FRIGGIN HAX

Halfwingseen
08-17-2006, 04:22 PM
do not forget the 1400 hp

Protoss119
08-20-2006, 09:43 AM
Xaax: Wait. I sense trouble afoot.

Xaax starts to search the tavern, rolls a natural 20, and finds a Half-Orc hugging (aka squeezing) Aribeth in the closet.

Xaax: YOU!

Half-Orc: I Loves you lots!

Aribeth: OW! My back!

Xaax plagues the Half-Orc.

Half-Orc: Uh...I feel sick...~throws up on Aribeth~

Aribeth: -_-

Xaax: Do you know where we are, fools?

Both are stumped.

Xaax: WE'RE IN THE BLIZZARD PUB, NOT THE BIOWARE PUB, WHELP! ~turns to Batrider~ You! Explosive one! Let me borrow that!

Batrider: Borrow what?

Xaax: That explosive potion in your hand.

Batrider: What explosive potion?

Xaax: It's in your hand!

Batrider: No it isn't.

Xaax: LOOK!

Batrider: ~does so~ Hey, what's this?

Xaax: It's an explosive potion!

Batrider: An explosive what?

Xaax: POTION! Hand it over!

Batrider: What does it do?

Xaax: GAH! It makes people go boom!

Batrider: ...Cool! ~throws explosive potion at Noob BC, blowing it up~

Xaax: GRRR! No matter. YOU!

Hydra: Yeah?

Xaax: You, my servant! Kill them!

Hydra: Under normal circumstances, no, but under not-so-normal circumstances, yes. ~easily pwns both NWN guys and they are sent back to NWN from whence they came~

Note: I am sorry if I have offended anyone. Bioware rocks because without them, there would be no NWN...or NWN2. :green:

Meanwhile, out in the battlefield, Ling has just torn through a Wraith, Scout, BC, Carrier, Valkyrie, Another Wraith, The Batman Symbol, & a Carrier.

Ling: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! ~tears through Arbiter but gets stuck in Stasis gun~

Noob: Did you see something?

Noob: Nope. ~Ling is in plain sight~

JYAP
08-20-2006, 11:49 AM
Footman: Holy shit,what is THAT?!?(points at Noobalisk)

Noobalisk: PH34R!

Rifleman: I got the beast in meh sights!

HEADSHOT

Confed: Son of a...THAT'S MY JOB!

Rifleman: Mine now!

Confed: See that Guardian?

Rifleman: Yeah?

HEADSHOT

Rifleman: You're not that hot!

HEADSHOT
DOUBLE KILL

Rifleman: So?

HEADSHOT
KILLING SPREE

Rifleman: Err...

HEADSHOT
RAMPAGE

Rifleman: I get the point-

HEADSHOT
MONSTER KILL

Rifleman: Dude,you're soloing-

HEADSHOT
GODLIKE

Rifleman: >_>

HEADSHOT
BEYOND GODLIKE

Rifleman: Fine. My turn.

HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT
HEADSHOT

Confed: You're shooting the same corpse in the head.

Rifleman: NO I AM NOT!

HEADSHOT

(Confed respawns)

Confed: Bitch.

HEADSHOT

(Rifleman respawns)

Rifleman: YARRRRRR!

And so the battle of HEADSHOTs continued,much to everyone's dismay.

Then Grunt's minigun runs out of ammo.

Grunt: I have ran out of ammo FOR THE HORDE!

Raider: (IDEA!)

About 5 minutes later,a catapult wheels out with Grunt on it. The catapult fires.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grunt slams into the noob captain's flagship and proceeds to enter melee combat in a freakin awesome way. Meanwhile Ling is flying everywhere creating a tornado of destruction. Muta is spitting his Glave Wurm at Confed and Rifle to stop their contest and get to helping,but he gets HEADSHOT'd in the process. He respawns of course.

Then a Shuttle flies in the flagship about 30 seconds after Grunt flew through,and drops off Zealot and Footman. The three start a contest to kill the most noobs as the noobs respawn here,being their only command point. They like to leave behind fancy weapons and in no time flat Grunt is swinging around a plasma halberd,Footman found a prototype Z-Saber and is going all Zero on them,and Zealot found a pair of magnums with infinite ammo and the ability to grant Matrix powers. Yup,tough competition here.

JYAP
09-06-2006, 07:48 PM
And on top of that the Blue Arbiter of Doom flies by and recalls Lurker into the ship. Pwnage.

Protoss119
09-07-2006, 01:58 PM
Whewt!

Xaax: Shoot faster you fools!

Hydra: No, they can't decrease cooldown.

Xaax: Why not, servant?

Hydra: You just can't, unless your name is Terran Marine or Terran Firebat.

Xaax: You're lying.

Hydra: How would you know this?

Xaax: I see it in your eyes!

Hydra: My eyes are like this all the time.

Xaax: ...err...I knew that...

Hydra: Well, actually, there is a way. You have to use-

-=BOOM=-

Xaax: What happen ?

Hydra: Somebody set up us the bomb .

Ling: WEGETSIGNAL

Xaax: You !!

Mountain Giant: How are you gentlemen !! All your Blizzard are belong to us . You are on the way to destruction .

Xaax: What you say !!

Mountain Giant: You have no chance to survive make your time . Ha . Ha . Ha .

Xaax: Take off all "ZIG" .

Hydra: You know what you doing .

Xaax: For great justice .

Meanwhile...

~Lurker burrows and spikes 10 trios of noobs with a Rain's Scythe gun~

Lurker: Pwnt.

Zealot: FOR ADUN! ~nails Lurker with magnums Neo-style a la Legendary Frog's version~

Lurker: OWOWOWOWOW! TK! TK!

The TK hunter fatally wounds Zealot like some sort of Mafia hitman, negating his Matrix powers. Meanwhile, Caradril Jadystine warps in, steals Grunt's Plasma Halberd, & warps out.

Grunt: My halberd has been stolen FOR THE HORDE!

WARNING: HOMEWORK TIME FOR TOSS DETECTED

Hydra: CLEAR OUT!

JYAP
09-07-2006, 02:09 PM
Grunt: MY HALBERD! I SHALL RETRIEVE A NEW ONE FOR THE HORDE!

(SOCK)

Grunt makes do with a giant battleaxe. Zealot respawns since the Arbiter counts as a command point with dual shotguns instead. Ling jumps on-board and flies around in a homicidal frenzy that makes the Blademaster look like the Pit Lord.

Pit Lord: I RESENT THAT!

HEADSHOT

Confed: I win 94 to 21,bitch.

Rifle: O RLY?

Confed: YA RLY

Rifle: NO WAI!

Meanwhile,inside the bar,the "civilians" converse...

Peasant: Got any 3s?

Priest: Go fish.

Peasant: RAWR! MILITIA SMASH!

THWOCK

Priest: Thank you MG.

MG: It okay.

Doc: Hey MG,can I test you for my new polymorph ward?

MG: What do ward mean?

Doc: Good,thanks. (casts it)

MG: (polymorphs for .1 second,then reverts)

Doc: Needs more morphine-

Tauren: Hm?

Doc: I mean morph...er...morph...hey,is that Hunter making a illegal drug sale?

Hunter: (disguised as Xaax selling something to Blade) WTF!

PULVERIZE'D

Speaking of which,a SC version of Star Wars Battlefront would be frickin awesome.

Protoss119
09-07-2006, 03:12 PM
Yup. Speaking of which, there's this SC map called Star Wars: Battlefront; don't believe it, it's just a big ripoff of Zone Control.

JYAP
09-07-2006, 06:58 PM
Bad you. Donate something to the story line.

Protoss119
09-08-2006, 02:04 PM
~donates a penny~

There.

JYAP
09-08-2006, 02:40 PM
(Rain shoots Toss with his crossbow that shoots bolts that on hit cast Fireball while yelling GRENADE LAUNCHER'D!)

Protoss119
09-08-2006, 03:30 PM
~matrix dodges~

~Dredoc fires WotB arrows~

Ph34r.

JYAP
09-08-2006, 04:14 PM
JYAP: Immune to Instant Death.

Rain Mirnimane: Immune to any form of damage whatsoever.

Hurricane Mirnimane: Immune to Immunities.

(Hurricane gets pwned)

Protoss119
09-08-2006, 10:58 PM
~summons Caradril Jadystine with his newly acquired Great Barrier Ammy, Gabriel's Plate, & Mithral Belt among other things~

~has him critical~

~both of us are broodling'd for not using Blizzard stuff~

JYAP
09-09-2006, 07:22 AM
(except I'm a hero and you're not)
(so you die while I can still type)

Let's get back on topic.

Everyone: YEAH!

Who asked you?

You: What about me?

Me: I hate you You.

You: Why did you say my name twice?

Me: Stop referring to yourself in the third person you.

Both of you,shut up.

You: But there's only one of me!

Me: GAH!

(erases that)

Protoss119
09-09-2006, 08:12 AM
~That gets erased~

That: NO WAIT- ~erase'd~

Think, JYAP. If my spikes to a helluva lot of damage, why DON'T you think I'm a hero? Oh, and I can always use Invinced Shuttles for inventory.

Xaax: Fool! You shall not take my form! ~spams plague on Hunter~

Hunter: Oh for fu- ~plagued x300~

Xaax: Damn Zero Wing...OK, tell me how I can decrease their cooldown!

Hydra: OK. You have to use-

-=BOOM=-

Xaax: What happen !!

Hydra: Somebody set up us the bomb .

And it went through the entire Zero Wing opening sequence. Again. Meanwhile, Zealot, having been killed by Grunt accidentally FOR THE HORDE (but not before kicking nooblar ass), has respawned at Ling's location with dual UT Sniper Rifles. Muahahahahahahaha.

Zealot: For Adun! ~goes on a sniping spree~

HEADSHOTDOUBLEKILLMULTIKILLULTRAKILLM O N S T E R K I L L

KILLINGSPREERAMPAGEDOMINATINGUNSTOPPABLEGODLIKE

Lurker sees all of this and unburrows in awe.

Lurker: ...holicrap...

Oh, wait, he has a Rain's Scythe gun which is doing much more.

Lurker: Amateur. ~burrows, somehow messes with the engines so they get damaged~

WARNING: SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITATED

Lurker: I just shut off the engines, that's all!

Grunt: I must escape FOR THE HORDE!

Zealot: FOR AIUR!

Time for Heroes to escape: 5:00. Time for crew to escape: 5:30:00.

Lurker: No fair- ~shot~

JYAP
09-09-2006, 05:22 PM
Shaman: Yo Grunt.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

Shaman: There's a dropship in the hangar. Go get it.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

The party makes its way to the hangar. At the hangar,with 1 minute left...

Trazzac: HALT LAMERS!

BATTLE!

(V()_())V ((>#_#))>===l----- (>-&_&)>- (>@_@)>P -----+===<(*_*<)

BTW,that's,from left to right,Lurker,Footman,Zealot,Grunt,Trazzac.

Lurker burrows!

Footman attacks Trazzac!

((>#_#))>===l----->(*_*)

Trazzac counters!

<--((X_X))---+===<(*_*<)

Footman was KOed! OH NOES!

Wait. TIME!

Trazzac: What is it lamer?

Penalty on Trazzac!

Traz: WTF!

For KOing a party member! Lamers are not allowed to KO party members!

Traz: What is this shi-

PENALTY FOR CURSING THE REF!

A giant divine pillar falls on Trazzac and destroys him utterly.

Rain: Snow,get out of the damn narrator booth!

Snow: Geez...

Lurker: Whatever.

The dropship launches with only 1 second to spare. Unfortunately,the explosion from the ship launches Ling into the dropship,knocking the auto-pilot chip out and sending it into the mountains...

When the party comes to,some weirdo named Armageddon's Psychotic Storyteller is running around killing half-orcs. Yup,they're in EW.

Protoss119
09-09-2006, 07:44 PM
Arma's char got deleted and now he's stuck with a new character, Darth Jesus (or at least that was who he was planning to make).

Xaax: Why does this keep happening!

Hydra: It must be because I'm saying-

-=BOOM=-

Xaax: What happen !!

(And blah blah blah.)

Meanwhile, in EW...

Killpeoplewhilerunningreallyfast can be found mugging Krin Devek. Suddenly, Drow Dumbass fires an arrow at Lurker & hides.

Lurker: Hey! ~burrows~

The burrowing becomes the equivalent of an earthquake and it kills Drow Dumbass's stealth mode. Drow Dumbass = Spike'd.

Lurker killed Drow Dumbass for 1337 points.

Lurker: Damn CSers.

Meanwhile, Grunt encounters Caradril Jadystine who has his Plasma Scythe.

Grunt: LOK'TAR OGAR! ~attacks~

Caradril is taking absolutely NO damage due to his now hellish DR (yes, I regeared Caradril). Caradril, with a swipe of his halberd, crits Grunt to his doom.

Caradril Jadystine killed Grunt for 1 points.

Caradril: Durr, I'm helping Drow Awesome's team? I'm stupid. ~head asplodes~

Drow Dumbass's bloodied corpse falls out of the narrator booth.

Caradril Jadystine killed Drow Dumbass for 10 points.

Rary: WTF H4X- ~head asplodes~

Caradril: Eat DR, biotches.

Caradril uses Force Halberd throw to mop the floor with 10 noobs, scoring 10 points each.

Lurker: So how does this concern us?

Oh, right. Anyway, Zealot encounters Caradril who gets HEADSHOTed to death, the UTness of the Sniper Rifles negating his DR. Grunt grabs the Plasma Halberd.

Grunt: My weapon has been reclaimed FOR THE HORDE!

JYAP
09-12-2006, 02:38 PM
Then Grunt's halberd becomes a +8 weapon.

Meanwhile,two noobs are trying to figure out Ling's class as Ling tears them to shreds.

Shred: Somebody call?

No Shred,go and pwn some nooblar psychics unworthy of my recognizion.

Shred: YAY! CRUNCH TIME!

Noob Abra: OH GOD NO NOT THE FACE

Moving along,Footman sees Heat roast someone.

Footman: Hiya!

Heat roasts Footman.

Footman: (respawns) Hiya!

Heat swings his halberd golf-style,knocking Footman into the distance. Meanwhile,for no good reason,Blizzard's Pub and the remaining patrons land in EB,where a portal has been set up between EW and EB.

Death Knight: Has hell frozen over yet?

The temperature of Hell,Michigan,reaches -59C. Yes,it has.

Death Knight: Yay-(Muta shoots him)OH GOD IT'S DIGESTING MY PANCREAS!(dies)

Protoss119
09-13-2006, 02:34 PM
Xaax: Hmm, what is that?

Hydra: Looks like a downed dreadnought.

Xaax: ...excuse me for a moment.

Xaax enters the downed SSD Executor.

Ling: COLDCOLDCOLDCOLDCOLD

Ling, like the Tazmanian Devil, spins around the Fire Team's portal desperate for warmth.

Hydra: Where the hell is Xaax-

Suddenly, the ground starts to rumble.

Hydra: Oh god.

The rumbling starts to grow.

Priest: He didn't mean that!

The rumbling returns to its normal state. Suddenly, Lurker bursts from the ground with 100 noobs.

Lurker: Happy birthday!

Hydra: ...

Raider: Noobhunt!

Confed sees a noobsair.

Confed: HOLY CRAP! IT IS AN ABOMINATION!

Abomination: And I'm not...?

Corsair: It is a good day to die. ~plagued by Xaax accidentally then shot again by Grunt accidentally FOR THE HORDE~

Another Corsair spawns.

Corsair: It is a good day to die. ~killed by muta splash damage~

Another Corsair spawns.

Corsair: It is a good day to live. NO WAIT- ~head asplodes~

Another Corsair spawns.

Corsair: It is a good day to die. ~crashes into Noobsair~

Confed: What, no swirly-thingies?

A neutron flare spark appears.

Confed: YAY! SWIRLY THINGIES! ~smacked by Axe Noob, guns him down~

Suddenly, 3 hatcheries land on a group of noobs along with a Spawning Pool...

Ling: LINGRUSH

...and a Hydralisk Den & 10000 Mins/Gas.

Hydra: In yo face.

That's right. HYDRA RUSH!!! But suddenly, the ground starts to rumble, much more than Lurker or the G-word combined. The SSD's engines ignite and it speeds through the ice it crashed through and back into the sky.

Xaax: PH34R MY INFESTED SUPER STAR DESTROYER!

The SSD along with the march of 100 Hydras crush the noobs under the many guns.

Lurker: Did we win?

Hydra: Yes...we did. Oh, BTW, Xaax, the tool is called-

-=BOOM=-

Xaax: What happen !

(Blah blah blah)

JYAP
09-16-2006, 06:02 PM
Muta: Well then...I'll go fly around.

Muta flies around Deadly Abode randomly. Muta gets gunned down by Serind in a Hail of Arrows attack. Muta respawns and shoots Serind,who retaliates with an Imbued Arrow. Muta respawns and shoots Serind,who...yeah,you get the idea.

Raider: So what else could happen?

Peasant: MILITIA SMASH!(charges at Confed for no real reason)

Confed: (Lockdown'd)

Militia: No fair! I WILL SMASH YOU!

Confed: (aims)

A dot appears on Militia that changes colors rapidly.

.................................................. ................Bardstrike Detected

And from out of nowhere a focused blast of Curse Song from WSE sends Militia flying...flying...flying...holy cow,he's orbitting the earth!

Meanwhile a noob named Drizzt Do'Uden(mistake intended)appears.

Do'Uden: YARRRR-

MG picks him up.

MG: Yay. Noob club better than wood club.

Do'Uden: LET ME DOWN FOUL BEAST!

MG: Me no foul. Me take shower every day.

MG goes around beating the snot out of Drow with his new club. Meanwhile,in a secluded corner of Astral City...

Hunter: You wanna buy a cigar?

Noob: How much?

Peon: Hi Hunter!

Hunter: We're frickin HiPS! How did you-

EXPLODE

Hunter respawns at the pub incredibly charred. He collaspes in front of Batrider.

Batrider: HOW? I MUST LEARN HOW THIS SPECIMAN IS SO THOROUGHLY BURNED!(drags Hunter away)

Wind Rider tries a "flying ward",with help from Doc. As he flies above the Molten Pool,Shaman purges the ward. Sploosh. ^_^

Finally,there's clever posters saying noobs taste good,with a P.S. Ninja rules! Naturally,Kodo doesn't realize it's a trick from The Ninja and goes on a eating spree. And thus my donation ends.

Protoss119
10-05-2006, 01:49 PM
New chars.

Dwarven Flying Machine (DFM)- Flies around screaming "Wheeeeeee!" wherever he goes. Somewhat akin to Wind Rider except the former flies. Unfortunately, he does not fly very long. :jump:

Meat- The mad trike of death. Runs people over dropping corpses behind it all the time. Think insane metal rock music. Of course, it would be UNREALISTAMACAL if it spoke, so it doesn't talk.

Meanwhile in Astral City...

Noob: LYK OMG STARCRAFT SUX LOL

Xaax: Foolish one! Do not defy the power of the game from which I originate!

Xaax consumes the noob somehow.

Xaax: AAAARRRGGHHH! THE SMALLNESS OF HIS BRAIN IS TOO MUCH! ~barfs him up~

Meanwhile, DFM is flying around randomly.

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Wind Rider: Of course! A flying machine!

Except Doc is testing an IT cannon which fires and blows him up, crashing him into 1000 noobs.

Nationwide Guy: Life comes at you fast- ~needle spine'd~

Hydra: Just use scourge, sheesh.

Doc: Do you see any scourge? I don't see any scourge!

New Character (Out of story: Not really)

Scourge- R0xx y0ur s0xx.

Doc: Very funny.

Abomination: But we are the scourge-

Suddenly, the Meat Wagon speeds out of nowhere and rams Abom, dropping corpses all over Doc, Hydra, & Abom in the process then continues to ram thousands of noobs.

Confed: That. Thing. Must. Die.

Confed Lockdowns it and goes on a shooting spree but can't blow it up since it does concussive damage. Suddenly, from out of nowhere...

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee- ~crashes into the epic forge~

Nope.

Batrider: ~flying on Kukulza~ Wheeeeeeee! ~drops a ton of explosive potions on it~

Except that didn't kill it because I said so.

Batrider: WTF H4X- ~crashes into DFM causing him to launch~

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- ~Kukulza rush'd~

Xaax: Damn, he was annoying.

DFM respawns in the air.

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Suddenly, a million flying lings rush him.

Xaax: Yeesh, stay dead!

...

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee- ~God smites him~

JYAP
10-05-2006, 06:40 PM
Meanwhile,on the other side of EB,in an uncharted location,Ling,Ghoul,and Grunt explore an unusual area. Don't ask how they got there,they just did.

Ghoul: Where the hell are we?

Grunt: I do not know FOR THE HORDE!

Theodin: Hey! You lot can't come here! This be the unfinished cave area!

Ghoul: And why not?

Theodin: We're still beta-testing it.

A noob walks around in the background. The ground suddenly flips and drops the noob into a spike pit.

Ling: That sounds like fun! WHEEEEEE!

Ghoul: Wait Ling! NO!

Ling bounces all around the place,magically unharmed. Ghoul is trying to catch Ling but falls into every single trap that Ling set off,including a flamestrike trap,several swinging log traps,and a picture of Ghoul's grandmother's feet. Yeah,it's bad.

Theodin: Hm. Needs more ugliness.

Theodin goes Googling for a worse picture than that,despite the fact it had nothing to do with Ling moving too fast to set off traps.

In the meantime,Kodo has rampaged up to a noob,and is about to devour him...

SLICE

The noob falls in two.

Ultralisk: HAH! Beat you to it!

Kodo: Food?

Ultralisk: I'll kill more than you can eat!

Kodo: FOOOOOOOOOOD!

And so Ultralisk and Kodo go off on a rampage,cleaving noobs in twain and devouring them whole. Yeah,Kodo has a GIANT mouth.

Suddenly Communist drillbots emerge from under Xaax,Hydra,and IT.

CLIFFHANGER'D

Protoss119
10-05-2006, 07:02 PM
It should be noted that Xaax would have had an attack called Venom, doing 5 for normal Defilers and 10 for hero ones, but that was removed for whatever reason.

~edits so Corpse Wagon says Meat Wagon~

JYAP
10-08-2006, 07:16 AM
I thought you were gonna finish the cliffhanger...

Protoss119
10-09-2006, 01:53 PM
Yeah yeah, don't get your bones in a knot. Except you can't do that, so...

IT suicides blowing up the drillbots with t3h uber splashies.

Xaax learned Venom!

Xaax: And it had to happen at the end of the battle, too. Damn North Koreans...

Meanwhile, Meat Wagon speeds over Theoden for stealing Toss's joke as well as his comp and DFM.

DFM: They came from behind! ~boom~

A TIE fighter flies out from behind DFM.

Ghoul: Waitaminute. He didn't say "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!".

Toss: ...eheh...I might need to edit his description...

-=BOOM=-

Suddenly, noobs fly out of <Insert rip in time and space here> in Astral City.

Hydra: Lazy bastard.

Xaax: ATTACK, MY MINIONS!

~rumbleness~

Hydra: Aw dammit...

Suddenly, Lurker bursts from the ground from where the noobs were, killing them.

Lurker: Happy birthday!

Noob Necromancer: I'm still alive! ~summons undead noobs~

Worse, the Meat Wagon speeds over some while dropping more corpses to animate.

Xaax: This is too easy. ~attacks with Venom~

The splash damage kills them all after a few attacks.

Hydra: So what do we do about him? ~points to the Noob Necromancer~

Xaax: I have just the thing...kekekekekekekekekekekekeke...

Soon, emerging from the Epic Forge is the Infested Necromancer.

Ranma: Holy crap! They got in!

Tatewaki Kuno: I shall smite them!

~insert the smiting of Ranma 1/2 characters here~

Xaax: Once again, too easy.

Doc: Hey Xaax, wanna try my new anti-Zerg ward?

Xaax: ~gasp~ RACIST! GOGO INFESTED NECROMANCER!

<Insert Epic Fight here>

JYAP
10-09-2006, 03:02 PM
The epic fight ends in 10 seconds. Why?

WNxHalfwingseen has joined as a player.

And before you know it Necromencer(no typo) Wars starts. Somewhere in the fray mini_kirby98 teleports in only to get buried under a pile of dead skeletons.

In the meantime,Confed plays Go-Fish with a noob.

Noob: Got any 3s?

Confed: (BLAM)Go fish.

Rifle: That's the 37th noob you played Go Fish with.

Confed: Your point?

Rifle: They didn't even get to draw a card.

Confed: Your point?

Rifle: Good point.

Point: What about me?

Psion: Back in your cell worthless Nidoran!

Hey wait. How are my Pokemon here?

Acorn: (whistles innocently)

Note to self: Make containers Nuzleaf-proof. Anyways,my Pokemon are now running amok. Noob deaths are rising incredibly fast.

Camera pans to Berserker the Scizor and Wraith the Banette casually pwning noobs.

Berserker: So Wraith,how's-(Slash attack!)Swampert?

Wraith: You should know,you got-(Shadow Ball!)traded too.

Berserker: Alive and well? Aw man. When will-(Silver Wind!)he just croak?

Wraith: You mean when will JYAP send-(Faint Attack!)a Grass-type with Solarbeam.

Berserker: Whatever.

The two are surrounded by noobs that respawned.

Berserker: Well,this can't be good.

Wraith: Nope.

...

Wraith: Berserker,hold on to me?

Berserker: Why?

Wraith: Just do it.

Berserker grabs Wraith. Wraith floats a little higher.

Noobs: You think that will save you?

Wraith: I think the Swords-Dancing Marowak will.

One Thick Club+Three SD'd STAB Earthquake later...

Knight: Stop getting yourself in trouble,even though this is fun.

Serind: Hey,you're not allowed this much attention!

Berserker: Let's see you make us!

Serind: Get em boys!

Sugnus and Rali drop down from God-knows-where and engage the trio.

Back in EW,Zealot has killed every noob there known to man,and some only to the arena animals.

Zealot: FOR AIUR!

A Muslim pops up.

Respawning Muslim Radical of DOOM: FOR ALLAH!

WAR

Meanwhile,in Astral City(a new round started so everyone's out of there),Tassadar walks out into the middle.

Aldaris: Mr. Tassadar...Did you get my package?

Tassadar: Wait a frickin second. I smell a Matrix thing.

Aldaris: (continues on with the script until the Aldaris clones come out)

Tassadar Psi Assaults an Aldaris clone.

Aldaris 4: LYK OMG

Aldaris 6: DID HE SH00T

Protoss119: Does it matter? We all know who's gonna be dead AGAIN for stealing my jokes.

JYAP: EEEEEP!

Protoss119
10-09-2006, 04:03 PM
Use of Sieged Siege Tanks of Much Sieging is still allowed though.

Toss: I'd spike you over myself, but I have a friend that has a better idea.

The Meat Wagon chases JYAP around, threatening to run him over and drop corpses all over him.

Toss: This is fun to watch.

JYAP: GODDAMN IT, TOSS! IMA KILL YOU!

Meanwhile, in Astral City...

<Insert Matrix fight between Tassadar and clone Aldarises here>

This fight goes on for a while until Xaax decides to shoot everyone with his 255-upgrade Venom attack killing everyone with splash damage.

Tassadar: Aww! You ruined my fun! ~dies~

Aldaris 47: And mine!

Aldaris 55: And mine!

Aldaris 46: Mine!

Aldaris 79: Mine!

Aldaris 91: Mine!

Aldaris 65: Mine!

Original Aldaris: ...Mine too!

They all die.

Kerrigan: Muahahahahahahahaha! Now I can rule the universe without Tassadar stopping me-

Xaax: Ah shaddup. ~Kerrigan gets Venom'd~

Hydra: Gawd, she's annoying.

Xaax: Moreso than-

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

Hydra: You had to mention it, didn't you?

Xaax: Yes, in order to invoke your suffering for disobeying me so many countless times!

Hydra: Yeah, well, your tool is-

-=BOOM=-

Xaax: What happen! ~mutters: I hate you...~

Yeah. After the Zero Wing mockery...

Dryad (FINALLY she gets used): Y(OEODASJKET)(WI$T)O!

Xaax: Foolish! Do not spam near a cerebrate-like defiler! ~consume'd~

Tauren: No consuming.

Xaax: This isn't the pub.

Tauren: Good point. So what do I do?

Xaax: Kill random noobs. Also see if you can kill the Meat Wagon.

Confed: But that's my job...

Xaax: Silence, terran!

Tauren pulls a big(ger) stick out of the ground. Several noobs get PULVERIZE'D and the Meat Wagon gets slam'd into all of JYAP's EB characters and pokemon. Insert corpses here.

Meanwhile, Zealot's having the time of his life getting kills off of the Muslim Zealot since he respawns a lot and UT Sniper Rifle > All.

God of UT GOYTE: OK, you're having too much fun. ~removes Zealot's Sniper Rifles~

Zealots: Adun's blade!

Muslim Zealot: FOR ALLAH! CHARGE!!!!!!!!!11111one

Muslim Zealot charges...into Doc's IT cannon.

IT: I am wretched, but I am STRONG!

Muslim Zealot: RETREAT!!!!

-=BOOM=-

Xaax: What happen! ...no, seriously, what happened?

Anyway...

Doc: GYAH! 30 minutes of hard work and you RUINED IT ALL!

Hydra: Me? What'd I do? At any rate, just use SCOURGE, dammit!

Doc: THEY'RE scourge! ~points to Abom & Meat Wagon~

Oh, right. Speaking of Meat Wagon, all three get ran over and corpse'd.

Hydra: Then what are these?! ~points to a Scourge~

Scourge: 1 r t3h 1337 r0xx0rs

Doc: Flying Zerg Terrorists. ~needle spine'd~

JYAP
10-11-2006, 04:33 AM
My characters and Pokemon see the Meat Wagon hurtling at them.

Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh-Wait. Why can't we stop it?

THUNK CLANG PSYCHIC'D SLAM THWOCK POW

The Meat Wagon falls on Toss instead. Owned.

In the meantime,a random Firebat is walking around,asking noobs if they like barbeques. Imagine what happens next.

If you can't,then look behind the damn bat!

Noob 94: LYK OMG IM ON FIRE

Noob 58: ZOMG U 2?!?

Hurricane: BUTIMNOTANOOBLIKETHEMWHYAMIONFIRE

Then the arena switches. The new arena is The Matrix.

Everyone: Cool.

A noob tries to shoot Zealot. Zealot responds with t3h M4trix d0dge.

SLICE

Then all of a sudden Agent Smith appears. Due to the pub's respawn effect being in play still,getting overwritten will force a respawn. Which is good too,cause he's DOMINATING.

Until Halfwing rides into battle atop a giant purple tiger leading random DOTA characters into battle. Then another epic battle starts.

Blade: An epic battle! I must join!

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

Blade and Grunt jump in the fray,but Blade's cloak is on backwards and promptly blinds him while Grunt realizes he was disarmed earlier. rofl

mini_kirby98 pops up again.

mini: Hiiiiiiiii!

mini is promptly squished by a charging abomination and the fight continues.

Then Communist drillbots emerge in the middle.

Communist: Smith,I am your overused plot device.

Smith: Who is messing with the insanity?

Everyone Else: (points up to a booth with controls)

Smith: Let's get him.

Smith 2: Agreed.

Smith 3: Invariably.

JYAP: Aw joy.

Protoss119
10-11-2006, 01:47 PM
Blue Arb'd.

The Meat Wagon speeds over several Smiths dropping corpses wherever it goes for the Infested Necromancer to raise. As well, the Infested SSD is gunning down stuff randomly.

Tauren: I used Staredit today, Xaax. I figured out that you're a HERO.

Xaax: What?!

Hydra: Plus, you're OVERPOWERED.

Xaax: WHAT?!?!

Tauren: Therefore, you must die.

Xaax: NEVER! I shall not surrender! Lord Daggoth with reward me well for your heads!

<Insert Final Fantasy boss music here>

Xaax and his tools get in a fight between Tauren, Hydra, and Zealot for whatever reason.

Infested Necromancer used Distraction!

The Reptilon Blademaster (or Blade if you don't remember) gets thrown into the fray with a cloak.

Tauren: No cloaks. ~his turn gets skipped as he goes to PULVERIZE Blade~

Zealot used Zealot Mob!

Zealot Mob: For Aiur! For Aiur!

Infested Necromancer suffered 45 damage! HP: 85/130

Infested SSD used gun-down!

Zealot, Tauren, and Hydra suffered 200 damage!

Hydra HP: 95/295

Tauren HP: 440/640

Zealot HP: 145/345

Hydra used Needle Spines!

Xaax suffered 35 damage! HP: 245/280

Xaax used Venom +255 upgrades!

T3h uber splashies killed all the enemies!

Hydra died!

Tauren died!

Zealot died!

Xaax: Fools! You cannot dare defy the will of-

~they get rez'd~

Tauren: I was only kidding. You're a normal unit.

Xaax: So...I attacked you for no reason?

Tauren: Yes.

Hydra: You're still overpowered though.

<Final Fantasy boss music>

T3h uber splashies killed Hydra!

Hydra: But he didn't even- ~kill'd, rez'd~ -attack! That's what I'm all about! Xaax is f***ing overpowered!

Dryad: GYAH! THE DARK LANGUAGE! ~gets ignore'd~

Meanwhile, Confed gets surrounded by Smiths. He prays to the Corsair and it comes along.

Confed: Oh, great Corsair, save me!

Corsair: I can't attack ground units.

Confed: ...F*** you, great Corsair! ~smith'd~

JYAP
10-11-2006, 07:45 PM
You would THINK Confed would be smith'd wouldn't you? Well,you were right,except for the part where the Burly Brawl starts AGAIN cause Confed is really our version of Neo.

Tassadar: What about me?

Tauren: No heroes allowed.

PULVERIZE'D

In a corner of the arena,Sleet and Loristan are playing Yu-Gi-Oh.

Loristan: I summon the Dark Magician!

Sleet: Dude,he's crap.

Loristan: No he's not!

Sleet then summons Summoned Skull and equips it with Axe of Despair.

Loristan: Aw shit.

Obviously Loristan lost. Suddenly,the epic forge door swings open.

Harner: ZOMG! FINALLY!

Harner charges in. The doorway responds by electrocuting him unsubconsious.

Rain: Sucks to be him. EPIC SCYTHE GO!

Rain is hit by a Bigby from the evil doorway and falls on Harner.

Serind tries next and is shot in the leg three times.

Ling fakes going in and scrambles away. Ghoul,still chasing,goes in...or tries to before a superbright light shines in his face and sends him sailing.

Xaax believes this is one of Daggoth's hideouts despite the lack of creep and tries to go in. He then runs out while a torrasque chases him.

Xaax: WHY CAN'T I CONTROL HIM?!?

Cloaked Templar: Kekeke...

Finally one of Wing's Magikarp Splashes around and goes in. Nothing happens.

Raider: Wait. This is a freakin POKEMON dungeon?

Psion: Apparently. I wanna see what's inside. Rotat,Cynder,let's roll.

Rotat: Affirmative.

Cynder: Do I get to set stuff on fire?

Psion: If it fights back.

Cynder: YAY! FIRE FIRE FIRE!

The three go in.

...

Acorn: Wait. How come he only took three Pokemon in? I wanna go too!

Acorn tries to run in and is hit by a Heat Wave.

Berserker: Dude,only three Pokemon from one faction at a time.

Abra: So if you're not allied with Psion you're good?

Berserker: Yeah,pretty much.

Three Abra teleport inside,armed with elemental punches and Psychic.

Wraith: Berserker,you just allowed Toss's Pokemon in. You KNOW they can screw up the search.

Berserker: What's the worst that could happen?
---
Protoss119: Ok. Now,once you see Psion's group,wail on them horribly. I don't want a single one to leave intact.

JYAP: Toss,what the hell are you doing with my radio?
---
Wraith: Sigh...

...

Blade: You notice JYAP's obsession with The Matrix and Pokemon is on par with Toss's obsession with Phoenix Wright and Star Wars?

Shaman: Scarily,yes. We could solve this by-

Shaman's answer was drowned out by Kodo and Ultralisk racing by trying to get to the next target first.

Somewhere else,Muta is waiting for two noobs to acknowledge what he is.

Noob 1: I think it starts with an A...

Noob 2: No,it starts with a W.

Muta: JYAP,get your own material...

Protoss119
10-12-2006, 01:59 PM
The Meat Wagon chases JYAP around - again.

Toss: Yay! Free radio! ~talks into it~ Attention, all units: Sasquach. That is all.

Abra: WTF?

~meanwhile...~

Xaax: ~stands atop the corpse of the Torrasque who got killed by t3h uber splashies~ Dammit. I forgot that Lord Daggoth will tell me when he has a hideout going on.

Hunter: Psst-

Xaax: AAAH!

Xaax consumes Hunter on instinct, then barfs him back up again.

Xaax: Sorry. Your hideous form forced me to act on instinct.

Hunter: Very funny.

Doc: Hey Hydra, wanna buy a prototype Invisible Jim?

Hydra: Invisible Jim?

<commercial>

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With Jim's uber invisible powers! Invisible friends like these usually cost around $1.99, but we'll reduce that to $1.98!

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</commercial>

Xaax: You're not much different from Hunter here.

Hydra: I'm not?

Xaax: Nope.

Hydra: Nope?

Xaax: Yep.

Hydra: Yep?

Xaax: Nope.

Hydra: Nope?

Xaax: Yep.

Hydra: Yep?

Xaax: Shut up.

Hydra: AW DAMMIT! Quick, Xaax! Hide me!

Xaax: Silence! It is I that will-

Hydra: SHUT UP AND HIDE ME!

Xaax: Yeah yeah, don't get your spit in a knot.

Hydra: I can't do that.

Xaax: STOP BENDING REALITY!

While Tauren comes crashing down to beat the snot out of Hunter and Hydra, Xaax spams Dark Swarm.

Tauren: Where'd he go?!

Hydra: Confusing Tauren? Uber gun? Man, you are overpo- ~venom'd~

Xaax comes out of the Dark Swarms.

Xaax: He's all yours. I have already chastised priority #2- ~goes poof~

Xaax appears before the council of deciding-for-overpoweredness.

Councilman: We, the members of the council of deciding-for-overpoweredness find you, Xaax, overpowered.

Xaax: Yeah, well...~Councilman gets venom'd~

Councilman 2: He's assaulting Councilman! Quick! Dispel his 255 upgrades!

Too late. Xaax has spammed Dark Swarm and the council gets venom'd.

Xaax: Now to find my way out of this goddamn place...

~rumble~

Priest: He didn't mean that part!

~rumbling continues~

Priest: Blah. Lag.

~..............................................rum bling stops~

JYAP
10-12-2006, 07:10 PM
Inside the dungeon,Psion encounters a Butterfree.

Cynder: Oh crap! A Butterfree!

Psion: Repeat that sentence to yourself.

Cynder: Oh crap! A Butterfree!

Psion: Keep saying it until you realize the amount of trouble we're in.

2 hours later...

Cynder: Oh crap! A Butterfree!

Rotat: Shut up! (whacks him)

Psion shoots the Butterfree with a Psybeam. It promptly crumples,dead.

Psion: Whoops. Had Psybeam set to "Pwn". Gotta set it back to "Stun."

Abra: Ah hah! We caught up with you! Prepare to die!

Psion: Yeah yeah. Put on these cool red Abra uniforms,ok?

Abra: Alright...what for?

Psion: Oh nothing. Taxi!

A taxi suddenly speeds by in the dungeon. Don't ask.

Psion: Cynder,Smokescreen.

Cynder: You don't tell me what to do!

Rotat: Cynder,Smokescreen.

Cynder: Roger that!

Psion: Bugger.

Cynder shoots a Smokescreen in front of the taxi driver. The taxi goes out of control and hits the three Abras,knocking them out instantly.

Psion: That's why you never wear red shirts.

Above ground,Smith is still wreaking havoc. Then Al appears.

Harner: Aw shit no! RUN AL RUN! BEFORE IT'S TOO-GAK!(Smith'd)

Everyone realizes what will happen if Smith absorbs Al and starts protecting him. Except Wing,who's too busy showing off his DOTA skills to help.

Wing: Shut up.

The cannon fodder characters that were never publicly revealed are the first to fall,having no resistances whatsoever. Next up is John Kerry,the Elf Barbarian with a Light Hammer. And just a Light Hammer. The only reason he lived that long is due to the fact he was properly leveled. More chaos and characters dropping until all that remains is Berserker,Rain,Heat,Shred,DtD,Ling,and of course Al.

And out of nowhere a Porygon2 appears. No,I don't own a Porygon2...yet...

Porygon2: INITIATING ANTIVIRUS PROGRAM.

Smith 95275: Well crap.

Except Smith 95275 doesn't say that and I need to steal another joke.

Smith 95275:

Because I said so.

And Slippy randomly explodes as the antivirus program starts up. Somehow the Smiths still remain on the field but they can't duplicate. They respond by pounding Porygon2 as the KOed allies respawn and cross their long-as-heck fortress. One Blizzard later,and half the army is frozen,and the other half is getting pwned.

Right. Then a ninja pops out of nowhere and kills a ton of people on both sides.

Rain: I can solve this.

Rain creates 9 more enemy ninjas.

Heat: WTF are you doing?! You just made more enemies!

Rain: So? Look.

The ninjas become pathetically incompetant and are easily wiped out.

Rain: Ninja effect: If there's more than 3 ninja present,the skill level of a ninja is equal to one of a stormtrooper.

Stormy the Trooper: I resent that!

Hail: Back in your cage!

Stormy: MAKE ME!

THUNK

Stormy: Did you HAVE to shoot me?

Hail: Why yes,I did. Now,BACK!

Stormy: Grumble...

In the dungeon,Psion is on Floor B66.

Cynder: Are we there yet?

Psion: No.

1 turn passes by.

Cynder: Are we there yet?

Psion: Nope.

Next turn.

Cynder: Are we there yet?

Psion: Yes.

Cynder: Really?

Psion: NO!

Next turn.

Cynder: Are-

Psion: SHUT UP!

Protoss119
10-13-2006, 01:21 PM
Then the Nintendo secret police show up and arrest JYAP for pilfering Toss's jokes.

JYAP: What does Nintendo have to do with all of this?

Nintendo Policeman: Nothing, really. We just police in shiny mario outfits.

Meanwhile, a door appears with the word Exit on it in big, friendly letters appears before Xaax. He enters it and starts spinning around before disappearing.

<Insert Gauntlet II NES theme here>

Level 1337

Welcome, blue defiler!

Xaax appears before DtD.

DtD: Waitaminute. What if we combine Starcraft with NWN?

Toss: Excellent idea! ~shoots DtD~ And it's all mine!

(How Toss gets his ideas)

Rain: Toss, you idiot! You shot the guy spamming Storm of Vengeance! How are we supposed to win without splash damage?!

Toss: Don't worry. I shot him with a forgetness gun.

DtD: How do I cast SoV again?

Toss: ...~explains~

DtD: That clarifies things.

Xaax: Go forth, splash damage! Wipe out those who dare oppose the might of the Eternal Swarm!

In other words, Xaax is dominating. UT voice FTW.

Meanwhile, wherever Psion is right now, 60000 Abra Paratroopers in BLUE armor since blue is Toss's trademark color attack followed by Abra Commander who has a dangerous similarity to Cobra Commander.

Abra Commander: Muahahahaha! You fools! You will not escape my wrath! And this time, I have an ESCAPE PLAN!

JYAP
10-13-2006, 02:00 PM
Except there's four problems.

1: The paratroopers land on TOP of the dungeon. Psion's crew is at B83.

2: Teleport only works on the current floor.

3: None of the Abras know Teleport.

4: Since Abra Commander is similiar to Cobra Commander,the squad suffers severe damage from a rabid Beedrill encountered at B3.

Meanwhile,as Xaax is traversing the level...

Welcome,red zealot!

Welcome,yellow grunt!

Welcome,green zergling!

Yup. Zealot,Grunt,and Ling all appear.

Xaax: Fools! You just made the game harder!

Zealot: How so?

The spawners go crazy and spawn 52 times faster.

Grunt: Well crap.

Zealot: Hey,is that a potion?

Xaax: MINE!(takes it,uses it)

FRAGGAGE

Xaax: Hurry fools! Before more come!

Ling: What's this shiny yellow thing?

Green zergling is now it!

Ling: We're playing tag? Yay!(tags Xaax)

Blue defiler is now it!

Xaax: Bloody-

Moving on.

JYAP: Wing?

Wing: Yes?

JYAP: You need to make DOTA for NWN2.

Wing: ...hm...

Protoss119
10-14-2006, 06:59 AM
The Abras use a shit-load of elemental punches to break through the cieling of B83 and ambush the party. Of course, some of them punch through B84 just to become an obstacle in their path, but meh.

Possible outcomes:

1.The party has already left B83.

2.There's a boss in B84.

Predict'd. Anyway...

Xaax: Pah. My splash damage will take care of them.

Xaax fires but the splash damage has no effect.

Xaax: WHAT?!

Blue Defiler, your splash force is running out!

Xaax: You mean that splash damage is LIMITED?!

Grunt: You are going to die FOR THE HORDE!

Xaax: How, praytell, do you, a minor grunt, know this?

Blue Defiler is about to die!

Xaax: ...well damn. Well, Ling, you wanna run really fast like you always do?

Ling: Kay.

Xaax: Well do it with THIS! ~taggity~

Green Zergling is it!

Xaax: And for good measure...~sugar'd~

Ling: RUNAWAYEVILBADDIESCOMINGRUN

Hurricane: BUTITALKLIKETHATNOFAIR

Toss: MEAT WAGON!

The Meat Wagon charges into Hurricane Mirnimane.

JYAP: I resent that. ~sends about 1/4 of his undead army which is HUGE but small compared to his actual army~

Toss: Aw crap.

Anyway...

Zealot: For Adun! ~kills the it~

Xaax: Eh? How'd you do that?

Grunt: I do not know FOR THE HORDE!

Ling: Ooooh, what's this do? ~walks in the exit~

~spinnity~

Grunt: Follow him FOR THE HORDE!

Zealot: He is Zerg! He cannot be trusted!

Grunt: -_- FOR THE HORDE!

???: Foul beast!

Xaax: The dragon knight. Oh god no.

~rumble~

Priest: Stop saying that! He didn't mean it!

~....................................rumbling stops~

Priest: Wonder what's messing with god's connection...

Up in heaven...

God: DAMMIT, Jesus, I told you not to click that link!

Jesus: I'm sorry!

God: Well, I gotta helluva lot of spyware to clean out now...

Satan: Did someone call-

Jesus: Back in hell! ~smacks Satan with a stick~

...ok...Back on subject!

Dragon Knight: Foul beast! Foul beast! Foul beast! Foul beast! Foul beast!

Welcome, uncomprehendable color Tauren!

Tauren: No heroes.

Dragon Knight: Foul beast- ~PULVERIZE'D~

Xaax: Right. You coming or what?

Tauren: Nope. Gotta go fight more smiths. ~warps out Recall style~

Xaax: Yeesh, I'm getting tired of this gosh-forsaken thumping sound.

Grunt: Get food FOR THE HORDE!

Xaax: You do not need to remind me, orc. ~jumps in the exit~

Grunt: LOK'TAR OGAR! ~jumps in~

Zealot: I will not follow those fools! They know better than to trust zerg!

Of course, Zealot finds himself in the company of 2000 enemies.

Zealot: For Adun! ~pwned~

JYAP
10-14-2006, 10:40 AM
The Abras land in front of Psion's company.

Abras: Halt!

Psion: How boring. Rotat,go dispose of them.

Insert cool charging SFX here as Rotat's hands and head glow.

Abras: Oh shi-

BOOM! Hyper Beam+Psybeam+Solarbeam! The Abras are sent sailing into another dungeon entirely from the force of that attack.

Meanwhile...

You are now entering the Dragon's Cave!

The party warps in. The dragon roars.

Everyone: OH SHIT!

Use your turbo now!

Xaax: What is this turbo you speak of?

Zealot: (tries it)

Zealot Mob!

The dragon takes 45 Psychic damage. A red dot appears on JYAP.

.................................................. ...Nuclear Launch Detected

As the party continues to fight the dragon,the Smith clones are down to 3029. Then someone appears that scares the crap out of everyone...

Aribeth: Listen to me here,I must speak with you.

Smiths: IT BURNS!

Everyone Else: ZOMG DIE

The Smiths melt as everyone unleashes their flashy attacks of doom on Aribeth. Unfortunately,no amount of flashy critical hits from Rain or awesome shots from Serind or whatever you can think of can match the plot shield protecting her.

Meanwhile,at a nearby target range server,there's three target and three different people attacking them.

One target is a traditional bullseye. A skeletal archer shoots the bullseye about three times.

Another is a barn. A blinded Firebat stumbles around trying to hit the broad side of the barn.

And the third is a cardboard Luke Skywalker,with a stormtrooper missing the target in every way possible. Yes,he does shoot backwards a la Serind,killing the Firebat. Yes,stormtroopers are trained to suck.

Protoss119
10-14-2006, 01:43 PM
Family Guy FTW.

Abra Commander: You have not seen the last of me! ~insert flashy escape here~

Except the ghost dies since JYAP didn't steal any jokes.

And then the Invid show up!

And then Arthas shows up!

And then he gets pwned by the Invid!

And then the Invid get pwned by DtD!

And then Aribeth goes emo on DtD's arse!

And then-

DtD: SHADDUP!

Imagination burst. Errm, anyway, yeah, Aribeth goes emo on DtD's arse.

DtD: GAH! THE USELESS MATERIAL! BIOWARE, YOU BASTARD! ~poofity~

It's so bad even Tauren can't pulverize her. Meat Wagon's corpses disintegrate upon falling on Aribeth and it is violently pushed away from her. Yes, that bad.

Rain: Quick! Al, you have DM powers, right?

Al: ...the emo...it's too powerful!

Rain: Gah, useless. JAJAJA!!!!! ~somehow MAGICAMALLY disarm's Aribeth~

BUT SUDDENLY...

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

Nope. The emo kills DFM.

DFM: They came from...behind! ~krash~

Batrider: Wheeeeeeeeeee! ~rides on a guardian and drops 60 asplosion bottles on Aribeth~

Not even that kills her.

Rain: (Idea!)

Rain goes into the NWN toolset and makes Aribeth unplot.

Rain: KILL HER NOW!

...except she still has 999999999999999 HP and uber monk gloves.

Rain: Eh? I didn't do that.

Eaglehog: Kekekekekeke...immature fools.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Rain: Hey wait. This isn't Serverama.

Toss: Which reminds me: I need to update that sometime soon.

JYAP
10-14-2006, 02:51 PM
JYAP: YES! He realizes he must update Serverama! WOOT! Although he loses 5 points for not realizing I stole his Mob idea.

Meanwhile,Psion's crew is on B98 in front of the stairs. Then suddenly...

Psion: Oh-

Rotat: ****ing-

Cynder: Hell.

Swampert: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Pokemon Boss Battle music plays as the trio duke it out with the Evil Swampert from Hell.

In the meantime,the gang discovers Aribeth also has DR 99999/-. To worsen matters,the sheer amount of emo is starting to slow down the weaker ones and eventually making them retreat. Al's paralyzed and JYAP is out of MP. Toss is too tired to maintain constant spiking,Rain's scythe is about to snap,Harner's katana has been dulled...

Rain: You know what we need?

Harner: What?

Rain: Magic weapons. These crappy regular ones SUCK.

Harner: Concur'd.

Out of nowhere,an APC drives up and slams into Aribeth. Instead of Aribeth being crushed,the APC flips over Aribeth,does 22 somersaults,and lands perfectly. Then it explodes,sending SWAT members all over the place.

Psychologist: Ow...

Aribeth: EMO!

Psychologist: Shut up.

The Psychologist of the team uses Mind Slay,halving Aribeth's HP. Aribeth responds by emoing the Psycho out of existance.

In the Gauntlet World,the party has been dropped to <500 HP. The dragon has 1/3 its HP left.

Zealot: What now?

Xaax: Hey,Ling and Grunt still have full turbos! Use them god-wait. I'm not saying it. I am not saying goddammit-

RUMBLE!

Xaax: ...

Priest: Xaax,I hate you.

Xaax: ANYWAYS,Grunt,Ling,go use your turbos.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

Ling: ALLRIGHTYAYTURBOTIME

Grunt uses his while next to Ling.

Zergling cannon!

Grunt throws Ling at the dragon's face.

ZERG RUSH!

gg Dragon. Tons of coins pour out from his corpse along with a piece of a mirror.

Sumter: Congratulations. You have defeated the ferocious-

Xaax: Shut the hell up and get us out.

Sumter: After you fix the mirror and get all the runestones.

Xaax: Bugger.

Zealot: We're gonna be here for a long time...

Protoss119
10-14-2006, 07:05 PM
I intended the Zealot Mob to be for public use though.

DtD: HARNER! You still have mega shotguns or whatever they're called, right? You know, the weapons in The Grid that go "DONG!"?

Harner: I...kinda left them at B.net...

Meanwhile, at Bodom's fortress...

Bodom: ~about to drink wine~ It's good to be evil.

All: HARNER!!!!!1111one

The sheer soundwave breaks...wait for it...Bodom instead.

Toss: DTD! Use Greater Restoration on Al!

DtD: Mum's the word.

Almuric gets restore'd.

Al: Hooray! No more paralysis!

WNxRune: Don't get too cocky, Star Fox!

Toss: Wait. Aren't you supposed to be attacking Aribeth?

WNxRune: Oh, right. GOGOGO! ~emo'd~

Rain: Holy ph0k. Not even t3h uberness of Warrior Nation can defeat the Emo.

Except then a Dark Archon comes along. Maelstrom'd. DtD goes Ice Storm spamming until she gets unparalyzed and emos the hell out of him.

High Templar: Your thoughts betray you...

A High Templar psi-storms her. As you know, psi-storm hurts people no matter what.

Toss: Don't tell me! ~masses High Templars~

Except some of them start ACCIDENTAMALLY merging.

Toss: Gah, dumbasses.

Meanwhile...(Oh god, please make me not use that word and use something else in place of it)

God: OK! ~makes him use 1138~

1138...

Xaax: Guys, I think I found the broken mirro- ~BAD LUCK'D~

Suddenly a thousand baddies appear around Xaax.

Xaax: Oh for fu- ~insert Gauntlet II NES dying sound here~

Xaax respawns near Ling.

Xaax: Note to self: Broken Mirrors = Bad Luck.

Later...

Xaax: OK guys, we've repaired the mirror.

Grunt: ~looks at himself and gets filled with jealousy~ LOK'TAR OGAR! ~smashes the mirror and the pieces disappear again~

Xaax: GAH! YOU ORCISH IDIOT! Now we're all going to be- ~BAD LUCK'D~

1000 Baddies appear around all of them.

~insert same theme here~

...except Ling made it out. Everyone respawns near him.

Xaax: This is getting annoying.

JYAP
10-15-2006, 05:43 AM
Psi Storm damage can't be fixed. The damage dealt by it would be neglectable to Aribeth.

Anyhoo,on B.Net,Acorn,Shred,and Fyrefox have been dispatched to fetch the bag of holding with the mega shotguns.

???: HALT NOOB

Acorn: And who the hell are you?

???: I am...Nisshoko!

Shred: Psion told me about this guy. He got pwned three times in a row in Card Shuffle,and loses a teammate. Two more pwnings later,and JYAP's team loses two guys and this blockhead uses his missing teammate as an excuse for ALL of his losses. When accused of noobish strats,his only counter was calling JYAP a noob and gay.

Nisshoko: He is you-

Fyrefox: Ok,let's frag him.

Acorn: Better yet. It's time to d-d-d-d-d-duel!

A game of Card Shuffle starts. Except...Nisshoko is outnumbered 3 to 1 by the Pokemon.

Nisshoko: Hey! That's not fair!

Shred: Tough.

The three Pokemon use a combination of Frost Bolts,Chain Lightnings,and Fireballs to off Nisshoko before his summoned monsters even get near the trio.

Nisshoko: Stupid ga-

Acorn: Oh shut your mouth noob.

Nisshoko is hit by Fake Out,Blizzard,and Heat Wave. He promptly dies and joins Eaglehog and Wing's two stupid clanmates.

Fyrefox: Found it!

Shred: What did DtD mean about this going "DONG" whenever someone is shot?

Acorn: Let me try since I have hands.

Acorn grabs a shotgun and shoots a noob. He promptly explodes and the "DONG" sounds.

Acorn: COOL!

With the mega shotguns in hand,the party goes back...only to find the "Exit Battle.Net" button torn out,blocking their way back.

Shred: AMBUSH!

A pair of Steelixes pop up as a good deal of noobs JYAP pissed off appear on the Steelixes.

Fyrefox: This will be awhile...

In Gauntlet...

Sumter: Great job,you fixed the mirror like 12 times.

Xaax: Damn you Grunt.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

Sumter: Now jump through it and kill the big bad guy at the end.

Xaax: We're only level 10!

Sumter: Not my problem.

Xaax: Damn you...

In the pub...

Hydra: Hey Shaman?

Shaman: Yes?

Hydra: I don't think Xaax is angry enough.

Shaman: And what are you gonna do?

HYdra: Watch. Hey Xaax,it's-

BOOM

Xaax: What happen?(WTF!)

Hydra: Someone set us up the bomb.(PWNED!)

Meanwhile,the battle against the Swampert reaches its climax. Psion ran out of PP for Psychic and Shadow Ball and is Iron Tailing for his life. Cynder had to retreat and use like 20 hair dryers to get his heat back. Rotat is lying in the corner waterlogged with too many Surf attacks and unable to float,let alone move his arms to attack.

Psion: Damn you Swampert!

Swampert: You cannot win!

O RLY Owl: O RLY?!?

The owl flies by and uses Peck on Swampert,criticalling and making it flinch. It gets hit by a Muddy Water afterwards and slams into the wall. Psion uses the distraction to Iron Tail Swampert's head,knocking him out cold. Captain Falcon's tune plays from SSB if he won a match.

Psion got 2700 exp!

Cynder got 2700 exp!

Rotat got 2700 exp!

Psion: Finally! Hurry up and dry off so we can finish the dungeon!

The three travel down to B99 to reveal...

Theodin: You shall not discover the secret of the Epic Forge!

All of Al's characters are waiting for Psion.

Psion: Oh joy...

Protoss119
10-22-2006, 08:48 AM
I'm hesitant about revealing what makes Xaax reinact the Zero Wing entrance. Anyway...

~corrects JYAP's mistake~

Hydra: Someone set up us the bomb. (PWNED!)

You gotta switch the two U-words around in SSUUTB. Maybe I'm just being really picky.

In the Gauntlet II world...

Suddenly, the - gasp - mouse shows up.

Xaax: Perfect, more distractions.

Grunt: ~whisper~ Shhh! It is the mouse! We must run FOR THE HORDE!

Zealot: For Adun!

Xaax: Idiot.

The mouse starts poking Grunt like mad.

Grunt: STOP POKING ME!!!!

Ling: The horror! Wait...is that a mouse?

Xaax: Bleh. If it stops Grunty here from FOR THE HORDEing us, we're good.

Grunt: You must help me FOR THE- STOP POKING ME!!!! -HORDE!

In the pub...

Blood Mage: WE MUST FILL THIS PLACE WITH BLOOD-

ALERT ALERT

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Blood Mage: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Tauren Chieftan: Tauren! Time to come home! Daddy said so-

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Tauren Chieftan: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Maiev: IlLiDaN mUsT bE mInE! YoU wIlL aLl HeLp Me GeT iLlIdAn-

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Maiev: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Dreadlord: Hey. You wouldn't happen to know the Demon Hunter's phone number, would you- ~kaboom'd~

Illidan: ~speaks that "universal greeting" and gets kaboom'd~

Shadow Hunter: Want to see something REAL scary? ~kaboom'd~

Lich: Oh no you don't. ~uses the Scroll of Teleportation which makes him invulnerable while he warps out~

Kel'Thuzad: Heya guys! Come join the Cult of the Da- ~hit by God's holy hammer and is then kaboom'd~

Muradin Bronzebeard: Hey! Wanna know how to gather the undea- ~kaboom'd~

Raider: There's gotta be a way to stop these damn heroes.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere...~heroic music plays~

Acolyte: Were shall my blood be spilled?

The Acolyte builds a Graveyard in front of the entrance.

Necromancer: DAMMIT! How am I supposed to get in?! Oooh, free corpses...~raises them~ DESTROY!

New chars.

Mouse- Pokes Grunt, much to his annoyance. That's pretty much it...

Acolyte- Fanatically loyal to Ner'zhul. Summons buildings at random. Of course, these buildings have been minimized so that they fit in the pub, but who cares?

Acolyte: Holy crap! I can make a base in the pub dedicated to the Lich King! ~summons an Altar of Darkness~

...and that means any building.

Necromancer- The poor guy gets left out of everything despite his usefulness.

Necromancer: Why wasn't I in the last few fanfics?