Warcraft: The Undead Spoof

[Protoss119]

Necromancer: Hey. Toss is making a spoof of The Frozen Throne, the undead campaign. Don't like it? Too bad. Wanna fight abou-

Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Necromancer: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Narrator: Errm, well anyway, it begins like this...

Detheroc: I'm hungry.

Balnazzar: Shut up. You're a Dreadlord.

That Red Dreadlord: What? You couldn't remember my name? I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE! ~sues~

Sylvanas: Shouldn't we shoot them?

Kel'Thuzad: No, it's our job to stand here and watch.

...

That Red Dreadlord: coughcougharthascoughcough

Arthas: Oh, right.

Suddenly the gate crashes down.

Arthas: Archimonde's dead!

Balnazzar: So?

Arthas: ...The Burning Legion collapsed!

Balnazzar: So?

Arthas: ...You're gonna die!

Detheroc: RUNZORS!

They all teleport away.

Arthas: Noobs. OK, what we gotta do is kill all the humans in here.

Kel'Thuzad: I don't see why we can't enslave them-

Arthas: DO NOT QUESTION BLIZZARD'S WILL!

Kel'Thuzad: -_-

Arthas: Do not let more than 20 peasants escape!

Sylvanas changes the difficulty to Uber Easy and presses the rewind button on Arthas.

Arthas: -more than 1337 peasants escape!

Kel'Thuzad: Deux ex Machina. ^_^

15 minutes later...

Necromancer: I'm bored. ~a red dot appears on a peasant~

Adjutant: Sapperstrike detected.

Peasant: Sapperstrike?

100000000 Goblin Sappers: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Peasant: WTF H4X

A huge explosion engulfs the playing field.

Necromancer: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!!!!!!!!! ~obliterated~

By that time, Arthas, Kel'Thuzad, and Sylvanas had escaped, but Sylvanas is mysteriously missing...

...actually, she's over there. ~camera zooms into a hill~

WRONG HILL!

~camera centers on Sylvanas~

Balnazzar: Hi.

Sylvanas: Hi.

Balnazzar: Wanna have an alliance?

Sylvanas: Sure. I just wanna kill Arthas though.

Detheroc: BOOOORRRRIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!!!11111one

That Red Dreadlord: Seriously, is the 1337 5p33k necessary?

Detheroc: You used it.

That Red Dreadlord: That's because it's called 1337 5p33k, not leet speek. Leet speek is too dull.

Detheroc: 1337 5p33k is 1337 5p33k.

Balnazzar: Shut it, both of you. Anyway, I don't trust Sylvanas. She's still an elf.

Detheroc: No she isn't. She's undead.

That Red Dreadlord: She's an undead elf.

Balnazzar: PWNED

Sylvanas: I'm still standing here.

Balnazzar: Oh, right. Meet you in that one city.

Sylvanas: Kay. ~runs off~

Detheroc: Well, that was dull...

Meanwhile...

Narrator: Oh, on a side note, no Dredocs were forgetness gun'd in the making of this spoof.

Dredoc, Pally Edition: Forgetness gun'd? ~gets shot by a forgetness gun~

Narrator: MOVING ON...

Kel'Thuzad: So those siezures have been getting worse?

Arthas: Yeah. Tylenol doesn't help, either.

Kel'Thuzad: Well, the next door leads to a trap.

L100 Blademaster: DAMMIT!

Arthas: Better avoid it. ~goes through the next one~

Balnazzar: Hi Arthas. We're here to overthrow you.

Kel'Thuzad: Whoops, wrong door. I was pretty sure this one wasn't a trap.

Arthas: Dammit! Break through the door and help me!

Kel'Thuzad: Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but it seems your signal's...fading out. I couldn't make out that last part. I'll try to re-establish contact later.

Arthas: You're not Duran. Now break through the goddamn door.

Kel'Thuzad: Yeah, OK.

Samir Duran: Did it work?

Kel'Thuzad: Nope. He's immune to it.

Samir Duran: Dammit. That usually works.

As per Arthas' request, Kel'Thuzad breaks down the doors and helps Arthas escape.

Kel'Thuzad: I'll meet you outside the Castle Gates.

Arthas: Kay.

Later...

A few banshees have rescued Arthas. They're out in the wilderness.

Banshee: OK, rest here so you can get hit by a poison arrow.

Arthas: What?

Banshee: Nothing...~kills one of Arthas' ghouls~

Then Sylvanas tries to shoot Arthas with the poison arrow, but it misses.

Arthas: Haha!

...except it's homing and hits Arthas.

Arthas: Awww...

Sylvanas: Ha! You can't move, biotch!

Arthas: OK then, kill me.

Sylvanas: But making you suffer is more fun!

Kel'Thuzad: ~sugar'd~ DIEDIEDIE! ~goes casting spells at the Banshees randomly~

Sylvanas: Note to self: Kel'Thuzad + Sugar = Bad. ~runs off~

Then at the docks...

Arthas: Now, Mr. Anders- I mean, Kel'Thuzad, I need you to watch over these lands.

Kel'Thuzad: Yes, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: That's King Arthas.

Kel'Thuzad: Whatever.

Well, he gets there. When that happens...

Arthas: Oooh, blood elves.

Blood Elves: We've come to kill you!

Arthas: Well, then...DIE!

Suddenly, Crypt Fiends come out of the ground.

Anu'Barak: STRIKE! WE MUST KILL ARTHAS!

Arthas: Don't you want to kill the Blood Elves?

Anu'Barak: What blood elves?

Arthas: The blood elves up there.

Anu'Barak: I don't see any.

Arthas: Whaddya mea- ...ohhhhhh...

Anu'Barak: The Overmind has sent me to assist you, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: KING Arthas.

Anu'Barak: Whatever.

Arthas: I don't see any Zerg infestation on you. You sure the Overmind sent you?

Anu'Barak: What are you talking about? The Lich King sent me!

Arthas: But you said Overmind!

Anu'Barak: What about the Overmind? He sent me, y'know.

Arthas: Bah, forget it. Let's just go kill stuff.

Anu'Barak: Kay.

A few moments later...

Sylvanas: Kill Balnazzar.

That Red Dreadlord: Better idea. ~ties him to an Undead Car~

Balnazzar: The night beckons for- ~the Car takes off at superspeed~ WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

And guess who's in the car? None other than...

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Balnazzar: WTF H4X-

The Car goes boom.

That Red Dreadlord: Everybody wins.

Detheroc: I'm still hungry.

That Red Dreadlord: You're still hungarian?

Detheroc: No, HUNGRY.

That Red Dreadlord: You're still hanging in there?

Detheroc: NO! I'M HUNGRY!

That Red Dreadlord: You're a halberd?

Detheroc: OF COURSE NOT! I'M A FREAKIN- ~polymorphed into a Halberd~

Garithos: Haha! Humans are superior to Halberds!

Then Detheroc gets unpolymorphed and eats Garithos. Unfortunately, racists don't taste very good and Detheroc gets indigestion and dies.

OK, Later...

Arthas and Anu'Barak are going to the Nerubian ruins.

Arthas: Are we there yet?

Anu'Barak: No.

...

Arthas: Are we there yet?

Anu'Barak: No.

...

Arthas: Are we-

Anu'Barak: Shut it, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: KING ARTHAS.

Anu'Barak: Whatever.

Narrator: Well, it goes on like this for a while until a few dwarves ambush them.

Arthas: Muradin's dwarves!

Dwarven Sharpshooter: That's right! We're here to kill ye, Emperor Arthas!

Arthas: KING ARTHAS!

Dwarven Sharpshooter: Whatever.

Arthas: Slight problem with that...

A red dot appears on the sharpshooter.

Adjutant: Nuclear Launch Detected.

BOOM

...yeah...moving on...after Arthas gets out of the ruins, he needs to go fight Illidan.

Illidan: YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!

Arthas: Eat this. ~drops a DotA bomb~

The battlefield becomes a game of DotA.

Lesale Deathbringer: DIEDIEDIE! ~killing lots of treants~

Darkterror: BLYARGH! ~spawnkills Lesale~

Seriously, Faceless Voids are the bane of all Venomancers. Anyway, Illidan has Arthas on the ropes.

Illidan: Time to die, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: KING ARTHAS!!!!!!!

Arthas flies into a rage and beats the hell out of Illidan, killing him. Game ended, the Lich King is saved, the scourge are forever, and...blah blah blah.

Fin.

Varimathras! It was Varimathras.

Varimathras: And it took you A WHOLE DAY to figure that out with help from a FRIEND?! Yeah, I'm suing.

BUT WAIT! We're not done.

Arthas is going up the Frozen Throne and...he's walking and...still walking...and...hey, wanna play DotA while we're waiting? Err, too late, he's already up there.

Ner'zhul: RETURN THE BLADE!

Arthas: But I just put 300 enchantments on it!

Barun (NWN Chapter 3): You're welcome.

Ner'zhul: COMPLETE THE CIRCLE!

Arthas: Eh...looks kind of like a cube to me.

Ner'zhul: KILL ME, YOU DUMBASS!

Arthas: Oh. Gladly.

Arthas thrusts his blade into the throne and they fuse into...

Arthas/Ner'zhul (Archon): WE ARE ONE...oh shit.

Guess what? There's a Science Vessel looming right over them. EMP Cannon'd. As well, Tassadar comes and kills them with one shot.

Tassadar: That's for killing me in Starcraft, you Blizzard bums!

(Bonus Credits)

Baku: Storm, Earth, and Fire! Heed my- ~shot by Necromancer~

Necromancer: Yeesh.

Rock music starts playing.

Arthas: What, I fuse with the Lich King and all I get is this lousy ice guitar?

Necromancer: Yes.

Arthas: ...sweet! ~starts rockin', shot for corniness~

Kel'Thuzad: 'bout time.

Fin.

[JYAP]

Teh red dreadlord is Varimathras. And Garithos has the most pathetic death ever: getting eaten by 3 ghouls. Otherwise,a little too random,but ok.

[Protoss119]

Yup. Racists don't taste good though.

~edits~

[JYAP]

I play Obsidian Destroyer whenever Wing forces me to play DOTA. If you don't know,basically,he's a supporting hero that relies on uber-high intelligence. His skills are Arcane Orb,which deals damage equal to a percentage of his current mana,Refresh Aura(or something like that)which gives a chance to restore mana upon casting a spell,and has a chance to trigger off the Destroyer's orb,Banishment,which is like Stasis Field,but it only lasts for 4 seconds on heroes,it's single target,and the Destroyer leeches 2 Int per second the hero is banished. His ultimate deals damage equal to the difference between his int and the enemy heroes times an amount based on the level of the ultimate. Of course,having no int stat,regular units are killed outright.

He's fun,and according to Wing,he's one of those guys suited for coming out of nowhere and killing people. Works for me. :)

[Protoss119]

As you can see, I play the Venomancer. Lesale get Shadow Strike, which slows down the target as well as Poison Attacks which are pretty much essential as well as Summon Ward which summons a ward. His ultimate is Poison Nova which hits enemies around him with a poison wave. I like to give him the Mask of Death and hit someone with Shadow Strike, then suck the life out of him while he struggles to attack him. Mask of Madness is better, but meh.

Also, I only edited the Balnazzar's Execution and end parts of the spoof. Read those so you don't have to waste time reading through the entire spoof.

[Protoss119]

I threw in more stuff at the end of the spoof. I also have an alternate ending for ya.

~lightning and thunder as Arthas walks past two lines of Illidans~

Illidan: Mr.Arthason! Welcome back! We missed you.

Arthas: It ends tonight, Illidan.

They both charge at each other and they both get blasted back. Then Illidan flies into the air with Arthas on his tail. Yeah, Matrix-esque fight.

Kel'Thuzad: Toss could use some originality.

Anub'arak: You took the words right out of my mouth. And for that you must DIE!

<Insert epic fight between Kel'Thuzad and Anub'arak here>

Anyway, Arthas and Illidan turn into big blue lights and continually crash into each other until they hit the ground causing the biggest explosion ever seen by man...or woman. Or construct. In fact, constructs would overasplode just by seeing it. Blind people are safe though-

Arthas: FOCUS!

Oh, right. Arthas and Illidan emerge and Illidan turns Arthas into another Illidan.

Illidan: Is it over?! ~head blows off along with all of the other Illidans~

Yeah. It pretty much goes on like that.

[JYAP]

rofl. Arthas doesn't strike me as anywhere near Neo though.

[Protoss119]

More material.

Sylvanas: Burn in hell, you son of a bitch.

Arthas: They had those words back then?

Sylvanas: DOES NOT COMPUTE- ~head asplodes~

Later...

Arthas, while walking up to the Frozen Throne, gets caught in a traffic jam.

Arthas: Oh for f***'s sake...

When he gets up there...

Ner'zhul: ARTHAS...I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!

Arthas: That's all you needed me for?

Ner'zhul: Pretty much.

Arthas: ...~kills him~

[Protoss119]

The Nerubian ruins start to rumble.

Arthas: Take cover! ~runs off~

Anub'arak: Arthas!

Then they get separated.

Anub'arak: Well, at least I still have forces.

Goblin Sappers: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR- ~asplode upon spawning~

Infested Terrans: I am wretched, but I am STRONG!

All of Anub'arak's forces go boom.

Anub'arak: ...~flames the wall like some sort of internet idiot~

[JYAP]

Arthas: Weee,pretty fire!(steps in the blue fire)

Arthas has died.

(RESET)

Arthas: What's down there?(falls down,can't get up)

Arthas has died.

(RESET)

Arthas: What-

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR-

The sappers are torn apart by...

ZERG RUSH ZOMG

(RESET!)

Arthas: I-

Cheat enabled!

Victory!

[Protoss119]

~goes back in time~

Sapphiron tries to get into Asjol-Nerub but can't.

Arthas: What did I tell you?

Later, Arthas finds that the dwarves are spamming those rapid-firing Siege Tanks- err, Engines. Half of his forces are blown to smithereens.

Arthas: WTF HAX

Necromancer: ...holy hell. I need one of those.

The Necromancer jumps on it halo-style and throws a plasma grenade on it. Instaboom'd. The Siege Engine gets raised as undead. Don't ask how.

Arthas: DIBS!

Necromancer: DAMN YOU ARTHAS! ~casts the DotA curse~

DotA heroes start showing up and killing random people including Nerubians, Dwarves, and skellies. But then, out of nowhere...

Lesale Deathbringer: GOGOGO-

Darkterror: BLYARGH

Lesale Deathbringer: Oh for fu- ~spawnkill'd~

Arthas: So what do we do now? ~consults the Warcraft III strategy guide~ Oh. We gotta go kill the dwarf with the two hammers.

Dwarf with Two Hammers: He didn't remember my name! What must I do?

Varimathras: Sue him.

Dwarf with Two Hammers: Yes, my lord!

Toss: Still conspiring against me, Varimathras?

Varimathras: Um...maybe? ~Locust Swarm'd~

[JYAP]

Wasn't it Balin Bronzebeard or something? I know he was related to Muradin...

[Protoss119]

I could have sworn his name was Baegal or something. Hehehehehe...baegal. Baegals. Bagels. ~chomps on Baegal~

[JYAP]

Or perhaps it was Dwalin...

(Storm Bolt'd)

[Protoss119]

Baelgun! It was Baelgun. I was close.

Baelgun: You had to use Wikipedia to find that out?! YER GOIN' DOWN!

Varimathras: Hold it. We need to sue him.

Baelgun: Why?

Varimathras: Because we don't get MONEY from beating him up.

Baelgun: Yes we do.

Varimathras: Not legally.

Baelgun: Point taken. ~sues~

[JYAP]

Wikipedia is fun when you're too lazy to figure out something.

[Protoss119]

It suddenly hit me yesterday: A Warcraft module for NWN/NWN2. I thought of it when I was learning about the '94 original Warcraft game and Warcraft II.

I was thinking about making the level limit 10 like in Warcraft III melee and the starting level 2. You'd either be serving Teneras (Humans) or Medivh (Orcs). Basically, you have to destroy the enemy base which spawns units. You can build more buildings (placeables) for amounts of gold, the amount varying with the buildings.

The units are as follows:

Footman/Grunt (Barracks) - The big melee guns.
Paladin/Ogre Magi (Altar of the Light/Altar of Doomhammer) - Not-so-big melee guns. Focus more on casting spells than fighting but can still fight in melee combat.
Archer/Troll Headhunter (Archery Grounds/Troll Encampment) - Obviously the ranged fighters.
Sorceress/Troll Witch Doctor (Arcane grounds) - T3h spellcasterz.

More to come.

[JYAP]

That's nothing. I keep telling Wing to make DOTA for NWN2. I know he'll listen...

Better yet, forget the 10 level limit. Boost it to 20 and allow upgradeable spawns and different spawn settings, such as one big guy or three weaker guys.

Priest/Shaman(Also in Arcane Grounds) : The healers. You should be able to talk to them, and when you do, they cast their highest-leveled healing spell on you.
Dragon Whelp: You can buy one near the center. Can easily take down two Footmen/Grunts, and even give Knights/Tauren some trouble. Also uses its breath weapon.
Drake: Stronger Whelp. Could probably solo an entire wave and deal some damage to the next.
Dragon: Run. Now.
Knight/Tauren (Stable/Totem) : The heavy tanks. Smashes anything but another Knight/Tauren with relative ease.

I think it should be a FFA between all 4 races. Have 3 lanes that intertwine in the middle for each team. When a base is destroyed the spawns won't spawn anymore, but the players can still fight. In addition, you should be able to take up to 3 spawns and form a strike team of sorts. Towers could either be structures you have to kill that fire at enemies once per round, or a super-strong person with a bow/crossbow.

What I'd really love to see though, is a Red VS Blue PvP server, with ranged weapons only. No spells allowed, just ranged weapons that might on hit cast a spell. Certain weapons could be given to certain classes only, such as:

Shotgun: Heavy Crossbow that fires bolts with MASSIVE damage. For "melee" classes.
Sniper Rifle: Also a Heavy Crossbow that fires bolts with massive damage, but this is for rogues/assassins only and the ammo only comes in pairs, making bullets scarce.
Grenade Launcher: Heavy Crossbow that fires bolts that on hit cast Fireball. "Magic" classes only.
Assault Rifle: A Shortbow for all classes. Ordinary gun.
Pistol: A sling. Yes, a SLING. Cheap, though.
Grenades: Would be grenadelike items that use like the Firebomb effect or something.

I'm sure more can be thought of. :)

[Protoss119]

Of course it's nothing. I haven't put in the big sparklies yet. Now comes the big important part...

Dealing with CSers.

I understand that a rogue might have to resort to CSing when he's against 4 fighters of the same level. However, should this module come to existance I'm only gonna allow melee CSing since they can be dealt with by archers. Ranged CSing is disallowed and melee CSers are not allowed to have KD on them.

As well, I believe the Assault Rifle should get haste since, y'know, it's rapid-firing. Or maybe you could save that for a Machine Gun.

[Protoss119]

Meanwhile, in Outland...

A big flame is tearing the sky apart.

Kael'thas: Whosat?

Lady Vashj: The master's master.

Kael'thas: The master has a master?

Lady Vashj: Yes. As well, the master's master once had a master.

Kael'thas: Would this master happen to be Sargeras?

Lady Vashj: Yes.

Kael'thas: So the master's master's master is Sargeras?

Lady Vashj: Indeed. What's more, Sargeras once had a master, or should I say, masters.

Illidan: Stop saying master!

Kael'thas: Yes, master.

Illidan: I said stop it!

Kael'thas: Yes, ma-

Illidan: Shut up!

Kael'thas: I wasn't going to say master.

Illidan: You just did!

Kael'thas: Well I was gonna say "maternal mother".

Illidan: ...WTF?

Kil'Jaedan appears.

Kil'Jaedan: Illidan, you didn't destroy the Frozen Throne! You damaged it, but that doesn't complete your mission objectives, does it? Where in there does it say "damage the Frozen Throne"? NOWHERE!

Illidan: I was just gathering men, m'lord!

Lady Vashj: And you weren't gathering women?! YOU DISGUST ME!

Kil'Jaedan: Your sexism disturbs me. Therefore, I'm giving you one last chance instead of two last chances.

Illidan: See why I want you to shut up?

Kael'thas: Yes, master.

Illidan: Shut up!

Kil'Jaedan: Now go destroy the Frozen Throne or I'll poke you in the eye.

Illidan: Yes master.

Kael'thas: Oh, so you're allowed to say master and I'm not?

Illidan: SHUT UP!

Kil'Jaedan: 1 in 1000000000 chance you're gonna succeed, isn't it?

Kil'Jaedan disappears.

Illidan: Okay. Guys, you wanna come destroy the Lich King?

Lady Vashj: If you allow the women to come too.

Kael'thas: If you allow me to say master.

Illidan: Fine. But I still have my doubts about having women to come. How many of you want to see- This part has been censored by Dredoc, Bard Edition

A Dredoc's corpse flies into Illidan, who promptly whacks it into the dormant TO BE CONTINUED...

Illidan: Now, onward to North- ~Frostmourne gets lodged into his throat~

Fin.

[JYAP]

I doubt there should be sneaking at all. If there is, all helmets need to come with huge spot/listen bonuses. And haste=bad. Since when do machine guns give a better chance to dodge bullets? If there was some extra attacks/round feature...

[Protoss119]

Ah, overlooked that.

Better idea. Give a crossbow the Rapid Reload feat and see what happens...that's assuming they don't have it already.

[JYAP]

Ban the feat and let it be a bonus feat for certain guns.

[Protoss119]

Yes. On the topic of CSing, I don't intend to make sneak builds useless, just to limit that build to where it can be actually fought. If you're getting attacked by a melee sneak, you need only have an archer on your team or be an archer to be able to compete. That said, it's not as if everyone should switch to archers since mages > archers. Also, I may limit the haste bonus for Rogues to about 25%, but then they'd be better off hasteless since the melee they're trying to kill has the full bonus.

[JYAP]

Ok then. Make a radar item that, when used, somehow makes apparent the location of every player around you, like cast a 0-damage Ray of Frost on everyone. The little frost effect will (hopefully) show up, and the sneak is exposed. And of course, since sneaking kills your movement, a good grenade into a chokepoint is a GREAT deterrent. Of course, no one said we had to keep strictly to Halo weapons, so we can make all sorts of crazy stuff, like...

Flamethrower: Heavy Crossbow. Bolts deal no actual damage but cast Burning Hands instead. Can also sacrifice certain bolts to use Wall of Fire.
Lich Rifle: Mine and mine alone. Bolts deal massive cold damage and slow the target. :)
Acid Rifle: Light Crossbow that fires bolts that cast Melf's Acid Arrow on contact.
Spread Shotgun: Heavy Crossbow with, again, no real damage, but casts LMS on hit.
Magnum: Sling with incredibly powerful bullets. Ammo is very limited however.
Charger: Use this to charge certain weapons.
Energy Pistol: Shortbow with no real ammo, instead having charges to cast Magic Missile. Has 5 shots, can be overloaded to fire all 5 at once.
Energy Rifle: This one has 30 charges. Missiles come in bursts of 3.
Assassin Rifle: Heavy Crossbow with only 3 bolts per clip bought. Does tons of damage though.

You can think of more. Of course, there needs to be gear to adapt to all of these weapons...

Reflective Armor: Gives Magical DR 5/-. Has a 50% vulnerability to pistols(slings).
Hard Armor: Has 50% immunity to all physical damage. Slows the wielder however, and gives major AC penalties.
Light Armor: Gives +1-5 AC.
Blur Armor: Can cast Entropic Shield.
Stealth Armor: Can cast Invisibility.

Imagination doesn't want to cooperate at the moment. I have to beat on him for more ideas. Also, you could just classify all weapons like so:

Small Arms: Slings
Rapid Fire: Bows
Strong Firearms: Crossbows

Meh.

[Protoss119]

Illidan: What happen ?

Kael'Thas: Someone set up us the bomb.

Lady Vashj: We get signal.

Illidan: What !

Lady Vashj: Main Screen Turn On.

Illidan: It's you !!

Arthas: How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

Illidan: What you say !!

Arthas: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha . . . .

Somewhere in the futurepast (events that didn't happen in the past or future)

Furion: What happen ?

Shandris: Someone set up us the bomb.

Tyrande: We get signal.

Furion: What !

Tyrande: Main screen turn on.

Furion: It's you !!

Archimonde: How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

Furion: What you say !!

Archimonde: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha . . . .

Now for an actual spoof.



Spoof of Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos by AlexKorb


Arthas: Ah, good ‘ol Quel’Thalas. I haven’t been here since I was a boy.

Kel’Thuzad: Be careful. They spam archers, sorcs, and other dastardly stuff.

Arthas: Not if I can help it. Bring forth the prisoner! </dramatization>

Two ghouls escort the prisoner to Arthas.

Prisoner: How’d I get captured again?

Arthas: Now, unelf, tell us how to enter your lands!

Prisoner: The trees will wtfpwn j00! All your tree are belong to us!

Kel’Thuzad: He’s right! Someone set up us the tree!

Arthas: Not if I can help it. Take off every Meat Wagon!

The mad Meat Wagons run over the trees with lightning-fast speed, dropping corpses in their path.

Arthas: ATTACK!

Kel’Thuzad: The magical energies here are strong.

Arthas: What magical energies?

Kel’Thuzad: Oh, the ones that don’t exist.

Arthas: Right…anyway…

The elven base gets wtfpwned by your friend and mine – the Necromancer.

Necromancer: WHEWT! GOGO GHOUL RUSH!

Swordsman: OMG WTF HAX

Kel’Thuzad: “Swordsman”? What is this, Diablo?

Arthas: Why, yes it is.

Kel’Thuzad: It is? Really?

Arthas: No YOU RAVING FOOL. Now make yourself useful and blabber on about how I shouldn’t trust the Dreadlords.

After Arthas’ base gets set up, Sylvanas Windrunner magically appears behind the base, even though there’s no real way to get there. Yet.

Sylvanas Windrunner: Hi. I’m Sylvanas Windrunner. My one purpose in life is to pester you to death by trying to stop you from reaching the Sunwell, then trying to kill you when I get raised as Undead in The Frozen Throne.

Arthas: Ain’t that a mouthful?

DEATH COIL’D

Then, after Meat Wagons mow down the far south trail of bushes (and leave plenty of corpses in their way)…

Archer: O…M…G…

NECROMANCER RUSH OH NOES

In the time span of 2 minutes, the base is rubble. The undead army then goes forth to destroy the blue base, but is suddenly attacked by a huge clone army. Republic Gunships drop troops on the undead, asploding them. 2D shrapnel flies everywhere.

Necromancer: WTF? ~implodes~

Broodling: YARGLE ~desplodes~

Squirrel: ~unsplodes~

Kel’Thuzad: The Jedi have amassed a huge army!

The Star Wars reenactment gets war stomp’d by a Tauren Chieftain/Doom Guard crossbreed.

Arthas: Enough. ~summons Zerglings~ It’s time for a classic Zergling rush.

Well, the Zerglings get there…except they start attacking UBER SLOW since their attack speed got shaved in half in WCIII.

Arthas: Enough of this!

Arthas uses Force Frostmourne Throw on the door, magically opening it.

Arthas: Wheee! I win!

Sylvanas: I would do something extremely strategic right now, but I got teleported right into Arthas’ base, so I’ll just flee.

Dugalle: Hey! That’s my joke- ~DEATH COIL’D~

Arthas: I’m bored. I wanna go play Soulchess.

Kel’Thuzad: Right now, I’m an undead mage. If you want me to become a Frost Nova-spamming undead mage, you’ll bring me to the DAMN SUNWELL!

Arthas: Alright, alright, stop poking me with it.

Text Block'd/10. On the next two parts...

Arthas: Sweet mother of...hold this, will ya?

That's all ya get for free.

[Protoss119]

Part 2

Arthas: What a fine day to be chasing Sylvanas!

Sylvanas: What a fine day to be chased by a godmodding bad guy!

Arthas: GODMODDING?! I'll make you pay for that! I haven't godmodded since 1 second ago!

They come across a bridge which Sylvanas shoots promptly after crossing it. Yes, it explodes.

Arthas: OMG HAX

Sylvanas: There’s no way you can cross now.

Arthas: O RLY? ~puts on a wizard hat, teleports with it~ Haha! Now I’m across!

Acolyte: What of us, my lord?

Arthas: Oh, well, y’see, there’s a ton of dragonhawks coming to kill you, so if you can just go ahead and die for me, that would be great, thanks.

Crypt Fiends suddenly appear out of nowhere just as the Dragonhawk riders do. They promptly get shot down.

Crypt Fiends: Greetings, death knight!

Kel’Thuzad: I was wondering: Why can’t I be called a Blue Mage? I mean, there’s enough Black and Red mages around…ooh! I know! I wanna be a purple mage! Or maybe a green mage!

Arthas: Shaddup already! </Slippy>

Expansion Pack Necromancer: Greetings, my king. I am the Necromancer with the new voice. As you can see, I sound nothing like the old one-

Necromancer: HERETIC! ~guns him down~

Arthas: My good sir, you have just save all of your comrades’ voices in the cinematics.

Necromancer: Lord Arthas, we have just come up with new technology. We have invented the Death Coil shotgun!

Arthas: Sweet mother of…hold this, will ya, Kelly? ~takes the Death Coil shotgun~

Kel’Thuzad: First of all, it’s Kel’Thuzad. Second, you can’t go far without becoming a paladin without Frostmourne, can you now?

Arthas: Damn you. Fine. ~gives Kel’Thuzad the Death Coil shotgun in exchange for Frostmourne~

Kel’Thuzad: Oh yeah, this’ll be fun. It’s HIGH ELF SEASON! ~goes hunting~

Swordsman: There’s no such thing as- BLARGH ~DEATH COIL’D~

Archer: ~dies from lack of lowercase letters~

Arthas: Well, now we need the moon key to go farther, right? Well…~puts on wizard hat~ Off we go!

Arthas goes into the future and steals the moon key from his future self.

Future Arthas: Hey! I worked hard for that!

Back in the past…

Arthas: Okay, I got it. Let’s go.

Arthas teleports onto the pad where the gate is.

Arthas: I win again!

Sylvanas: ~insert high-elven flaming here~

Arthas: Oooh, shows what you know.

Part 3

Tichondrius warps in.

Tichondrius: Word up, brotha.
Arthas: What’s he saying?

Kel’Thuzad: It’s a slang greeting. I know slang.

Arthas: Aha. Well, tell him that I don’t need his help.

Kel’Thuzad: Yo G. This shizzler’s all good.

Tichondrius: Better be watchin’ out for their homie golems, yo.

Arthas: I only understood half of that.

Tichondrius: It’s cool, it’s cool. ~warps out~

Sylvanas magically gets teleported behind Arthas’ base.

Sylvanas: W00T! Go magic powers!

Arthas: I can do that too!

Arthas puts on his wizard hat, but it gets shot off by an arrow.

Arthas: …that was my favorite wizard hat…~sob~

Arthas turns into the Incredible Hulk and smashes Sylvanas into little tiny bits, occasionally stopping to breathe a bit before resuming.

Necromancer: Lord Arthas, Sylvanas is sending runners to Silvermoon. We must pwn them before they get there.

Arthas: That doesn’t sound too hard…

The ghoul rush that gets sent there reaches there, but suddenly gun barrels sprout from the runner’s shoulders, shooting down the rush.

Arthas: Dammit. At least the Gargoyles have de-meching rays.

Necromancer: We have also invented the Death Coil SMG!

Arthas: DIBS!

Kel’Thuzad: Awww…

Arthas gets the Death Coil SMG and proceeds towards the runner factory/Sylvanas’ base. Yup, it got pwned by Arthas and Arthas alone. Well, maybe there were a few Necromancers involved…

Kel’Thuzad: How many? Like, 50 of them?!

Arthas: Shut up, you damn ghost.

Kel’Thuzad: Racism! I don’t take kindly to that!

Arthas: I would gun you down now but I have to turn Sylvanas into a banshee.

Arthas does so. Moments afterward, Silvermoon gets Banshee rush’d.

Arthas: Whewt! I’ve won three consecutive times! ~Final Fantasy victory theme plays~

Anyway, Kel’Thuzad does get reborn.

Kel’Thuzad: I am reborn as a Lich! The Lich King has granted me eternal life, power, and…more power!

Arthas: So you were going to tell me about the Dreadlords?

Kel’Thuzad: Yeah. First let’s play Death Coil tag.

Arthas: I’m game.

They do so. The reader gets DEATH COIL’D.

Fin.

[Protoss119]

Mal'Ganis: The blade has your soul, Arthas. It speaks to you through your mind...what does it say?

Arthas: It says that...the bacon-men are coming...

Mal'Ganis: THE BACON-MEN?! QUICK! RUN! HIDE! PANIC! DO SOMETHING!

Arthas: DO SOMETHING!

Necromancer: DO SOMETHING!

Ghoul: DO SOMETHING!

Footman: DO SOMETHING!

Knight: DO SOMETHING!

Gryphon Rider: DO SOMETHING!

[JYAP]

(does something)

[Protoss119]

Toss: Here's your joke back, Mr. Brooks.

Mel Brooks: Thank you! I need it for the Spaceballs DVDs! ~inserts it~

President Scroob: Do something!

Dark Helmet: Do something!

Colonel Sanders: ~raises microphone/walkie talkie thingy to his mouth~ Do something!

[JYAP]

(does something again)

[Halfwingseen]

You guys you guys just make it NWN2 where haste adds 0 count it 0 AC thank you very much *bows* items also can have the effect "bonus hp +1-20"
added up to 20 max hp XD also some items can have "effective always" menaing as long as its in your inventory you get the boost of the item

[Protoss119]

So lemme get this straight: If an item has "effective always" on it, the effects apply even after the item's not equipped?

...Awesome.

[Almuric]

Haste gives no AC? :(

[Protoss119]

That is a bummer. AC was the whole (noticable) craze about Haste anyway.

[Halfwingseen]

Yea well Haste's Xtra attack at full AB is a godsend for melee Also Haste No longer Allows Mages to cast 2 spells a round merely 1 spell in a half a round and the other half a round to do nothing( or use a quick spell ) But mage sin return grab Improved mage armor for 6 AC and Mirror Image Which Makes 1d4+1/CL miss ^^
Also Inventory isd completely weight based no longer are greatsword 8 square huge things where fro some odd reason 8 rings would take up the same amount of space?

[Protoss119]

First Obsidian didn't finish KOTOR II, now THIS?

...I may or may not beat the hell out of them for this.

[Almuric]

im confused...did that garble of typing up there say that inventory isnt weight based anymore?

[Protoss119]

It's weight-based, just not size-based. I.e. A greatsword only takes up one square in your inventory now.

[Almuric]

I need to open up the game again.

[Halfwingseen]

Ive basically figured out all about NWN2's classes and such if anyone has questions i will answer them ^^ someone make a topic so i can help them out better