Blizzard's Pub-More insanity.

[JYAP]

Except there's four problems.

1: The paratroopers land on TOP of the dungeon. Psion's crew is at B83.

2: Teleport only works on the current floor.

3: None of the Abras know Teleport.

4: Since Abra Commander is similiar to Cobra Commander,the squad suffers severe damage from a rabid Beedrill encountered at B3.

Meanwhile,as Xaax is traversing the level...

Welcome,red zealot!

Welcome,yellow grunt!

Welcome,green zergling!

Yup. Zealot,Grunt,and Ling all appear.

Xaax: Fools! You just made the game harder!

Zealot: How so?

The spawners go crazy and spawn 52 times faster.

Grunt: Well crap.

Zealot: Hey,is that a potion?

Xaax: MINE!(takes it,uses it)

FRAGGAGE

Xaax: Hurry fools! Before more come!

Ling: What's this shiny yellow thing?

Green zergling is now it!

Ling: We're playing tag? Yay!(tags Xaax)

Blue defiler is now it!

Xaax: Bloody-

Moving on.

JYAP: Wing?

Wing: Yes?

JYAP: You need to make DOTA for NWN2.

Wing: ...hm...

[Protoss119]

The Abras use a shit-load of elemental punches to break through the cieling of B83 and ambush the party. Of course, some of them punch through B84 just to become an obstacle in their path, but meh.

Possible outcomes:

1.The party has already left B83.

2.There's a boss in B84.

Predict'd. Anyway...

Xaax: Pah. My splash damage will take care of them.

Xaax fires but the splash damage has no effect.

Xaax: WHAT?!

Blue Defiler, your splash force is running out!

Xaax: You mean that splash damage is LIMITED?!

Grunt: You are going to die FOR THE HORDE!

Xaax: How, praytell, do you, a minor grunt, know this?

Blue Defiler is about to die!

Xaax: ...well damn. Well, Ling, you wanna run really fast like you always do?

Ling: Kay.

Xaax: Well do it with THIS! ~taggity~

Green Zergling is it!

Xaax: And for good measure...~sugar'd~

Ling: RUNAWAYEVILBADDIESCOMINGRUN

Hurricane: BUTITALKLIKETHATNOFAIR

Toss: MEAT WAGON!

The Meat Wagon charges into Hurricane Mirnimane.

JYAP: I resent that. ~sends about 1/4 of his undead army which is HUGE but small compared to his actual army~

Toss: Aw crap.

Anyway...

Zealot: For Adun! ~kills the it~

Xaax: Eh? How'd you do that?

Grunt: I do not know FOR THE HORDE!

Ling: Ooooh, what's this do? ~walks in the exit~

~spinnity~

Grunt: Follow him FOR THE HORDE!

Zealot: He is Zerg! He cannot be trusted!

Grunt: -_- FOR THE HORDE!

???: Foul beast!

Xaax: The dragon knight. Oh god no.

~rumble~

Priest: Stop saying that! He didn't mean it!

~....................................rumbling stops~

Priest: Wonder what's messing with god's connection...

Up in heaven...

God: DAMMIT, Jesus, I told you not to click that link!

Jesus: I'm sorry!

God: Well, I gotta helluva lot of spyware to clean out now...

Satan: Did someone call-

Jesus: Back in hell! ~smacks Satan with a stick~

...ok...Back on subject!

Dragon Knight: Foul beast! Foul beast! Foul beast! Foul beast! Foul beast!

Welcome, uncomprehendable color Tauren!

Tauren: No heroes.

Dragon Knight: Foul beast- ~PULVERIZE'D~

Xaax: Right. You coming or what?

Tauren: Nope. Gotta go fight more smiths. ~warps out Recall style~

Xaax: Yeesh, I'm getting tired of this gosh-forsaken thumping sound.

Grunt: Get food FOR THE HORDE!

Xaax: You do not need to remind me, orc. ~jumps in the exit~

Grunt: LOK'TAR OGAR! ~jumps in~

Zealot: I will not follow those fools! They know better than to trust zerg!

Of course, Zealot finds himself in the company of 2000 enemies.

Zealot: For Adun! ~pwned~

[JYAP]

The Abras land in front of Psion's company.

Abras: Halt!

Psion: How boring. Rotat,go dispose of them.

Insert cool charging SFX here as Rotat's hands and head glow.

Abras: Oh shi-

BOOM! Hyper Beam+Psybeam+Solarbeam! The Abras are sent sailing into another dungeon entirely from the force of that attack.

Meanwhile...

You are now entering the Dragon's Cave!

The party warps in. The dragon roars.

Everyone: OH SHIT!

Use your turbo now!

Xaax: What is this turbo you speak of?

Zealot: (tries it)

Zealot Mob!

The dragon takes 45 Psychic damage. A red dot appears on JYAP.

.................................................. ...Nuclear Launch Detected

As the party continues to fight the dragon,the Smith clones are down to 3029. Then someone appears that scares the crap out of everyone...

Aribeth: Listen to me here,I must speak with you.

Smiths: IT BURNS!

Everyone Else: ZOMG DIE

The Smiths melt as everyone unleashes their flashy attacks of doom on Aribeth. Unfortunately,no amount of flashy critical hits from Rain or awesome shots from Serind or whatever you can think of can match the plot shield protecting her.

Meanwhile,at a nearby target range server,there's three target and three different people attacking them.

One target is a traditional bullseye. A skeletal archer shoots the bullseye about three times.

Another is a barn. A blinded Firebat stumbles around trying to hit the broad side of the barn.

And the third is a cardboard Luke Skywalker,with a stormtrooper missing the target in every way possible. Yes,he does shoot backwards a la Serind,killing the Firebat. Yes,stormtroopers are trained to suck.

[Protoss119]

Family Guy FTW.

Abra Commander: You have not seen the last of me! ~insert flashy escape here~

Except the ghost dies since JYAP didn't steal any jokes.

And then the Invid show up!

And then Arthas shows up!

And then he gets pwned by the Invid!

And then the Invid get pwned by DtD!

And then Aribeth goes emo on DtD's arse!

And then-

DtD: SHADDUP!

Imagination burst. Errm, anyway, yeah, Aribeth goes emo on DtD's arse.

DtD: GAH! THE USELESS MATERIAL! BIOWARE, YOU BASTARD! ~poofity~

It's so bad even Tauren can't pulverize her. Meat Wagon's corpses disintegrate upon falling on Aribeth and it is violently pushed away from her. Yes, that bad.

Rain: Quick! Al, you have DM powers, right?

Al: ...the emo...it's too powerful!

Rain: Gah, useless. JAJAJA!!!!! ~somehow MAGICAMALLY disarm's Aribeth~

BUT SUDDENLY...

DFM: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

Nope. The emo kills DFM.

DFM: They came from...behind! ~krash~

Batrider: Wheeeeeeeeeee! ~rides on a guardian and drops 60 asplosion bottles on Aribeth~

Not even that kills her.

Rain: (Idea!)

Rain goes into the NWN toolset and makes Aribeth unplot.

Rain: KILL HER NOW!

...except she still has 999999999999999 HP and uber monk gloves.

Rain: Eh? I didn't do that.

Eaglehog: Kekekekekeke...immature fools.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Rain: Hey wait. This isn't Serverama.

Toss: Which reminds me: I need to update that sometime soon.

[JYAP]

JYAP: YES! He realizes he must update Serverama! WOOT! Although he loses 5 points for not realizing I stole his Mob idea.

Meanwhile,Psion's crew is on B98 in front of the stairs. Then suddenly...

Psion: Oh-

Rotat: ****ing-

Cynder: Hell.

Swampert: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Pokemon Boss Battle music plays as the trio duke it out with the Evil Swampert from Hell.

In the meantime,the gang discovers Aribeth also has DR 99999/-. To worsen matters,the sheer amount of emo is starting to slow down the weaker ones and eventually making them retreat. Al's paralyzed and JYAP is out of MP. Toss is too tired to maintain constant spiking,Rain's scythe is about to snap,Harner's katana has been dulled...

Rain: You know what we need?

Harner: What?

Rain: Magic weapons. These crappy regular ones SUCK.

Harner: Concur'd.

Out of nowhere,an APC drives up and slams into Aribeth. Instead of Aribeth being crushed,the APC flips over Aribeth,does 22 somersaults,and lands perfectly. Then it explodes,sending SWAT members all over the place.

Psychologist: Ow...

Aribeth: EMO!

Psychologist: Shut up.

The Psychologist of the team uses Mind Slay,halving Aribeth's HP. Aribeth responds by emoing the Psycho out of existance.

In the Gauntlet World,the party has been dropped to <500 HP. The dragon has 1/3 its HP left.

Zealot: What now?

Xaax: Hey,Ling and Grunt still have full turbos! Use them god-wait. I'm not saying it. I am not saying goddammit-

RUMBLE!

Xaax: ...

Priest: Xaax,I hate you.

Xaax: ANYWAYS,Grunt,Ling,go use your turbos.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

Ling: ALLRIGHTYAYTURBOTIME

Grunt uses his while next to Ling.

Zergling cannon!

Grunt throws Ling at the dragon's face.

ZERG RUSH!

gg Dragon. Tons of coins pour out from his corpse along with a piece of a mirror.

Sumter: Congratulations. You have defeated the ferocious-

Xaax: Shut the hell up and get us out.

Sumter: After you fix the mirror and get all the runestones.

Xaax: Bugger.

Zealot: We're gonna be here for a long time...

[Protoss119]

I intended the Zealot Mob to be for public use though.

DtD: HARNER! You still have mega shotguns or whatever they're called, right? You know, the weapons in The Grid that go "DONG!"?

Harner: I...kinda left them at B.net...

Meanwhile, at Bodom's fortress...

Bodom: ~about to drink wine~ It's good to be evil.

All: HARNER!!!!!1111one

The sheer soundwave breaks...wait for it...Bodom instead.

Toss: DTD! Use Greater Restoration on Al!

DtD: Mum's the word.

Almuric gets restore'd.

Al: Hooray! No more paralysis!

WNxRune: Don't get too cocky, Star Fox!

Toss: Wait. Aren't you supposed to be attacking Aribeth?

WNxRune: Oh, right. GOGOGO! ~emo'd~

Rain: Holy ph0k. Not even t3h uberness of Warrior Nation can defeat the Emo.

Except then a Dark Archon comes along. Maelstrom'd. DtD goes Ice Storm spamming until she gets unparalyzed and emos the hell out of him.

High Templar: Your thoughts betray you...

A High Templar psi-storms her. As you know, psi-storm hurts people no matter what.

Toss: Don't tell me! ~masses High Templars~

Except some of them start ACCIDENTAMALLY merging.

Toss: Gah, dumbasses.

Meanwhile...(Oh god, please make me not use that word and use something else in place of it)

God: OK! ~makes him use 1138~

1138...

Xaax: Guys, I think I found the broken mirro- ~BAD LUCK'D~

Suddenly a thousand baddies appear around Xaax.

Xaax: Oh for fu- ~insert Gauntlet II NES dying sound here~

Xaax respawns near Ling.

Xaax: Note to self: Broken Mirrors = Bad Luck.

Later...

Xaax: OK guys, we've repaired the mirror.

Grunt: ~looks at himself and gets filled with jealousy~ LOK'TAR OGAR! ~smashes the mirror and the pieces disappear again~

Xaax: GAH! YOU ORCISH IDIOT! Now we're all going to be- ~BAD LUCK'D~

1000 Baddies appear around all of them.

~insert same theme here~

...except Ling made it out. Everyone respawns near him.

Xaax: This is getting annoying.

[JYAP]

Psi Storm damage can't be fixed. The damage dealt by it would be neglectable to Aribeth.

Anyhoo,on B.Net,Acorn,Shred,and Fyrefox have been dispatched to fetch the bag of holding with the mega shotguns.

???: HALT NOOB

Acorn: And who the hell are you?

???: I am...Nisshoko!

Shred: Psion told me about this guy. He got pwned three times in a row in Card Shuffle,and loses a teammate. Two more pwnings later,and JYAP's team loses two guys and this blockhead uses his missing teammate as an excuse for ALL of his losses. When accused of noobish strats,his only counter was calling JYAP a noob and gay.

Nisshoko: He is you-

Fyrefox: Ok,let's frag him.

Acorn: Better yet. It's time to d-d-d-d-d-duel!

A game of Card Shuffle starts. Except...Nisshoko is outnumbered 3 to 1 by the Pokemon.

Nisshoko: Hey! That's not fair!

Shred: Tough.

The three Pokemon use a combination of Frost Bolts,Chain Lightnings,and Fireballs to off Nisshoko before his summoned monsters even get near the trio.

Nisshoko: Stupid ga-

Acorn: Oh shut your mouth noob.

Nisshoko is hit by Fake Out,Blizzard,and Heat Wave. He promptly dies and joins Eaglehog and Wing's two stupid clanmates.

Fyrefox: Found it!

Shred: What did DtD mean about this going "DONG" whenever someone is shot?

Acorn: Let me try since I have hands.

Acorn grabs a shotgun and shoots a noob. He promptly explodes and the "DONG" sounds.

Acorn: COOL!

With the mega shotguns in hand,the party goes back...only to find the "Exit Battle.Net" button torn out,blocking their way back.

Shred: AMBUSH!

A pair of Steelixes pop up as a good deal of noobs JYAP pissed off appear on the Steelixes.

Fyrefox: This will be awhile...

In Gauntlet...

Sumter: Great job,you fixed the mirror like 12 times.

Xaax: Damn you Grunt.

Grunt: FOR THE HORDE!

Sumter: Now jump through it and kill the big bad guy at the end.

Xaax: We're only level 10!

Sumter: Not my problem.

Xaax: Damn you...

In the pub...

Hydra: Hey Shaman?

Shaman: Yes?

Hydra: I don't think Xaax is angry enough.

Shaman: And what are you gonna do?

HYdra: Watch. Hey Xaax,it's-

BOOM

Xaax: What happen?(WTF!)

Hydra: Someone set us up the bomb.(PWNED!)

Meanwhile,the battle against the Swampert reaches its climax. Psion ran out of PP for Psychic and Shadow Ball and is Iron Tailing for his life. Cynder had to retreat and use like 20 hair dryers to get his heat back. Rotat is lying in the corner waterlogged with too many Surf attacks and unable to float,let alone move his arms to attack.

Psion: Damn you Swampert!

Swampert: You cannot win!

O RLY Owl: O RLY?!?

The owl flies by and uses Peck on Swampert,criticalling and making it flinch. It gets hit by a Muddy Water afterwards and slams into the wall. Psion uses the distraction to Iron Tail Swampert's head,knocking him out cold. Captain Falcon's tune plays from SSB if he won a match.

Psion got 2700 exp!

Cynder got 2700 exp!

Rotat got 2700 exp!

Psion: Finally! Hurry up and dry off so we can finish the dungeon!

The three travel down to B99 to reveal...

Theodin: You shall not discover the secret of the Epic Forge!

All of Al's characters are waiting for Psion.

Psion: Oh joy...

[Protoss119]

I'm hesitant about revealing what makes Xaax reinact the Zero Wing entrance. Anyway...

~corrects JYAP's mistake~

Hydra: Someone set up us the bomb. (PWNED!)

You gotta switch the two U-words around in SSUUTB. Maybe I'm just being really picky.

In the Gauntlet II world...

Suddenly, the - gasp - mouse shows up.

Xaax: Perfect, more distractions.

Grunt: ~whisper~ Shhh! It is the mouse! We must run FOR THE HORDE!

Zealot: For Adun!

Xaax: Idiot.

The mouse starts poking Grunt like mad.

Grunt: STOP POKING ME!!!!

Ling: The horror! Wait...is that a mouse?

Xaax: Bleh. If it stops Grunty here from FOR THE HORDEing us, we're good.

Grunt: You must help me FOR THE- STOP POKING ME!!!! -HORDE!

In the pub...

Blood Mage: WE MUST FILL THIS PLACE WITH BLOOD-

ALERT ALERT

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Blood Mage: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Tauren Chieftan: Tauren! Time to come home! Daddy said so-

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Tauren Chieftan: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Maiev: IlLiDaN mUsT bE mInE! YoU wIlL aLl HeLp Me GeT iLlIdAn-

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Maiev: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Dreadlord: Hey. You wouldn't happen to know the Demon Hunter's phone number, would you- ~kaboom'd~

Illidan: ~speaks that "universal greeting" and gets kaboom'd~

Shadow Hunter: Want to see something REAL scary? ~kaboom'd~

Lich: Oh no you don't. ~uses the Scroll of Teleportation which makes him invulnerable while he warps out~

Kel'Thuzad: Heya guys! Come join the Cult of the Da- ~hit by God's holy hammer and is then kaboom'd~

Muradin Bronzebeard: Hey! Wanna know how to gather the undea- ~kaboom'd~

Raider: There's gotta be a way to stop these damn heroes.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere...~heroic music plays~

Acolyte: Were shall my blood be spilled?

The Acolyte builds a Graveyard in front of the entrance.

Necromancer: DAMMIT! How am I supposed to get in?! Oooh, free corpses...~raises them~ DESTROY!

New chars.

Mouse- Pokes Grunt, much to his annoyance. That's pretty much it...

Acolyte- Fanatically loyal to Ner'zhul. Summons buildings at random. Of course, these buildings have been minimized so that they fit in the pub, but who cares?

Acolyte: Holy crap! I can make a base in the pub dedicated to the Lich King! ~summons an Altar of Darkness~

...and that means any building.

Necromancer- The poor guy gets left out of everything despite his usefulness.

Necromancer: Why wasn't I in the last few fanfics?